Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 11:22     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:I guess I would have more sympathy for you if instead of this thread being titled "my husband over shares" you said something like "I said something insensitive and my husband stupidly repeated it to his sister, how can I do damage control?" All of your concern here is how to fix your husband. You have absolutely no concern for the fact that you and your husband pretty much were insanely insensitive.


You're nuts. Op saying to her DH that a 40yo might need fertility help is hardly "insanely insensitive".
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 10:44     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
I guess I would have more sympathy for you if instead of this thread being titled "my husband over shares" you said something like "I said something insensitive and my husband stupidly repeated it to his sister, how can I do damage control?" All of your concern here is how to fix your husband. You have absolutely no concern for the fact that you and your husband pretty much were insanely insensitive.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 10:28     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She didn't say it to the sister! She shouldn't have to speak to her husband with the same filter she would speak to a SIL.


So what? She still put it out there. And it was still idiotic.


+1

OP, when you talk about other people, you should assume it will get back to them. Because it will. Don't say shit you wouldn't say in someone's face, and you'll be fine. It was dumb of your husband to relay your conversation to his sister, but you basically lack the same filter. Keep that in mind.


So you never say anything to your husband without expecting he will repeat it to other people?
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 10:07     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She didn't say it to the sister! She shouldn't have to speak to her husband with the same filter she would speak to a SIL.


So what? She still put it out there. And it was still idiotic.


+1

OP, when you talk about other people, you should assume it will get back to them. Because it will. Don't say shit you wouldn't say in someone's face, and you'll be fine. It was dumb of your husband to relay your conversation to his sister, but you basically lack the same filter. Keep that in mind.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 09:16     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
If he was going to bring that up to his sister, he should have taken credit for it. And then he should have defended you when she got mad. He should not have turned to you and said "my sister is mad bc of this thing you said to ME that I then told her about". WTF?

If his sister got mad, he should have said something more like "yeah sorry, I guess I don't know what I'm talking about" and then dropped it. Not brought it to you to solve.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 09:06     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:Don't husbands and wives commonly say things to each other that are sensitive or could be considered negative? And don't husbands and wives typically know not to share these things outside the relationship? I don't get why anyone is hammering the OP.


It must be one weirdo.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 08:59     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Don't husbands and wives commonly say things to each other that are sensitive or could be considered negative? And don't husbands and wives typically know not to share these things outside the relationship? I don't get why anyone is hammering the OP.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 08:52     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:It's not your place to decide what your husband shares or doesn't share with his sister. It's their relationship. Your post is really about what she shared with him and your displaced feelings of anger, jealousy, and discomfort.

You say you "pointed out" that she will likely have fertility issues. My god. How thoughtless and mean. And how unnecessary. Do you think she lives in an alternate reality where women of 40 don't realize their chances of conception? Why was it your place to "school" her on her chances of conception? And why the grotesque assumption that she did not know the basics of fertility? Are you the only person on earth who does? Maybe she's trying to conceive anyway.

You sound like a real piece of work. You are clearly jealous of your husband's relationship with his sister, and you seem like the clear shit-stirrer in this situation. When she does get pregnant and have a baby, please try not to impede and upset the relationship with your bulletins about birth defects and other ugly advice.



My husband and I were talking about ourselves. When to have children. I said we need to start sooner than later. He pointed out that we don't, his sister is starting at 40. Hence my comment on her fertility. It had nothing to do with her until he used her as an example of waiting when he doesn't even know if she will successfully conceive or not.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 08:42     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She didn't say it to the sister! She shouldn't have to speak to her husband with the same filter she would speak to a SIL.


So what? She still put it out there. And it was still idiotic.

It's not "out there" when it's to your spouse. And it's not idiotic. And you know what? Even if it were idiotic, you can be idiotic with your spouse!

This husband just doesn't have a filter. There was no need for him to tell OP what his sister said either. He needs more to talk about!


+1 to all of this.

I feel bad for the people who can't let their guard down with even their spouse and risk saying something that isn't a perfectly crafted message.

Its not a "touchy subject" or negative to admit that intentionally waiting to have kids when one might be peri-menopausal (hey it happens, its early but not outlier early!) has its own risks and rewards.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 08:31     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She didn't say it to the sister! She shouldn't have to speak to her husband with the same filter she would speak to a SIL.


So what? She still put it out there. And it was still idiotic.

It's not "out there" when it's to your spouse. And it's not idiotic. And you know what? Even if it were idiotic, you can be idiotic with your spouse!

This husband just doesn't have a filter. There was no need for him to tell OP what his sister said either. He needs more to talk about!
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 08:27     Subject: Re:Husband tells his sister everything
She didn't go all negative. She just said it to her husband, probably along with many other things. And to an earlier poster, she did not put anything "out there." She had what should have been understood it to be a private conversation with her husband. Don't you say different things to your spouse, with less of a filter, then you would say to others? And she didn't say anything wrong in any event. I went through extensive fertility treatments. What's wrong with someone talking with their husband about the possibility. Is it somehow supposed to be shameful?
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 08:20     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She didn't say it to the sister! She shouldn't have to speak to her husband with the same filter she would speak to a SIL.


So what? She still put it out there. And it was still idiotic.


How was it idiotic? A 40-something who wants to get pregnant will probably have to get treatment. Not a big shocker there. I got married at 38, BTDT.


Exactly. It's not a big shocker. Why did she need to state the obvious? Why go all negative?
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 07:20     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She didn't say it to the sister! She shouldn't have to speak to her husband with the same filter she would speak to a SIL.


So what? She still put it out there. And it was still idiotic.


How was it idiotic? A 40-something who wants to get pregnant will probably have to get treatment. Not a big shocker there. I got married at 38, BTDT.
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 07:17     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:It's not your place to decide what your husband shares or doesn't share with his sister. It's their relationship. Your post is really about what she shared with him and your displaced feelings of anger, jealousy, and discomfort.

You say you "pointed out" that she will likely have fertility issues. My god. How thoughtless and mean. And how unnecessary. Do you think she lives in an alternate reality where women of 40 don't realize their chances of conception? Why was it your place to "school" her on her chances of conception? And why the grotesque assumption that she did not know the basics of fertility? Are you the only person on earth who does? Maybe she's trying to conceive anyway.

You sound like a real piece of work. You are clearly jealous of your husband's relationship with his sister, and you seem like the clear shit-stirrer in this situation. When she does get pregnant and have a baby, please try not to impede and upset the relationship with your bulletins about birth defects and other ugly advice.



Wrong.

OP, tell your husband to learn from this and not to pass things on that might be sensitive. Mine does this sometimes, especially if he wants to say something to her that we've discussed but wants to hide behind attributing it to me. I've told him it causes trouble between me and SIL, which is bad for him. And now you know you have to tell him "don't share this with your sister."
Anonymous
Post 02/01/2016 07:13     Subject: Husband tells his sister everything
Anonymous wrote:She didn't say it to the sister! She shouldn't have to speak to her husband with the same filter she would speak to a SIL.


So what? She still put it out there. And it was still idiotic.