Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm so sorry to hear your story.

I would both have your DH talk to his parents and call your brother. DH knows better than you whether his parents would help in this situation, so let him navigate that.

With your brother, I wouldn't necessarily bring up moving in, but rather just let him know where you are. If he's doing well, maybe he's got a lead on a job for your DH. Or maybe he would be willing to offer financial support (I'd probably let him bring it up, but you know your family best). Regardless, having someone you love know what you're going through can bring intangible benefits. Maybe he can help in small ways like going with you to the hospital occasionally or taking your other child to play with cousins for a night. Maybe even just a meal with family once in a while.

No one's going to offer to help if you don't ask...they may not even know what you're going through (at least not the full extent). HOnestly, this doesn't sound like a situation you can navigate without more help of some sort...I've helped out not at all close friends in much less dire straights than yours.

This. While my sister is isn't in the same dire situation, we had a huge argument because she has the thing where she ask/demands help and gets pissed if you don't provide it. I dislike being put on the spot and put in the position where I am the bad guy if I don't comply with her request. I basically had to say while I am willing to help, she can't dictate to me what form that help takes. Like the pp mentioned, maybe your brother can help with finding a job for DH, giving you guys a break and taking the kids overnight, making a meal etc.

I also agree with pp that you need to have a plan if your DH asks to move in with his parents. When my siblings would ask to "borrow" money. They never had a concrete plan to pay it back. If no one is working and you don't have government assistance of some sort how would you afford to move out and rent an apartment again?

Anonymous wrote:If things were so bad, why did you go for a second child?

Not helpful. Is this how you respond to people who ask you for help?

Anonymous wrote:If things were so bad, why did you go for a second child?

Shut up you ass. you have no idea about her situation.

Anonymous wrote:We downsized last year to a one bedroom apt. We were renting so thankful for not having a mortgage. We don't qualify for asst. And I had to stop working when cancer returned. And my DD has leukemia. My DH was let go.

Trust me moving in with my in laws isn't something I ever WANT or would CHOOSE to do pp.

In my op I meant Im close with my brother and would ask for help but I dont want to burden them. My DH wants to ask his parents if we can stay with them. They are retired and have a huge house. That's his reasoning.

DH should ask his parents since they are retired and have a huge house. You need to swallow your discomfort and pride and do this for your family. I understand how hard this must be but you really have no choice at this point. Your brother may be in the position to lend you money but not to take your family in, since he has five people in his house already. Just keep telling yourself it is TEMPORARY and you will be able to get back on your feet sooner if you accept help now.

Op, you give no specifics about your financial situation. Details matter.

I think you should post in the Money and Finances section with details on your income and expenses. You'll get some really good advice there. This doesn't sound like a family problem....more money management.

If things were so bad, why did you go for a second child?

Anonymous wrote:If you were mine, I'd take you all in right this second. We don't have a lot of space but we'd make it work. You are not charity, you are family and when family needs we should all pitch in.

Call your brother.

Agree. Talk to your brother. Family helps family

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how 2 people that aren't working with 2 children, one with a leukemia diagnosis, don't qualify for any assistance?
Your child is most likely on Mediciad.
And you are not working due to a cancer diagnosis?

I don't understand your statement that you don't qualify for assistance.
What else is going on?

I agree with this. Depending on your work history, you should qualify for SSDI or SSI. Your dd would qualify for SSI.

And if neither of you is working, the whole family should qualify for Medicaid, and probably SNAP (food stamps), even if you don't qualify for TANF (cash assistance). Also, how old are your kids? If they are under 5, or if one of them is, get WIC. The income limits are different than other forms of assistance and you would probably qualify even if you can't get other forms of assistance.

It's time consuming to apply for these, but your family sounds like you need it.

This. There are lots of help supports through social services - insurance, especially for someone with cancer, cash assistance, food assistance, rental assistance, utility assistance, child care and more. Worst case, if you cannot afford to maintain your housing, some counties will put up families in a shelter, but if there is a special need like yours, possible a hotel till you can get back on your feet.

Your brother is not interested. It sounds like he knows the situation and isn't willing to help. No, I would not ask him. Your inlaws, possibly, but not your brother. Having 4 people move in is really imposing. My husband would (and has) gotten 2 jobs doing what ever he could get (store, etc) to get us through to make sure we can pay the rent and basics. I get you have a sick kid and that is your first priority as it should be, but at some point, a roof over their he'd is equally important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how 2 people that aren't working with 2 children, one with a leukemia diagnosis, don't qualify for any assistance?
Your child is most likely on Mediciad.
And you are not working due to a cancer diagnosis?

I don't understand your statement that you don't qualify for assistance.
What else is going on?

I agree with this. Depending on your work history, you should qualify for SSDI or SSI. Your dd would qualify for SSI.

And if neither of you is working, the whole family should qualify for Medicaid, and probably SNAP (food stamps), even if you don't qualify for TANF (cash assistance). Also, how old are your kids? If they are under 5, or if one of them is, get WIC. The income limits are different than other forms of assistance and you would probably qualify even if you can't get other forms of assistance.

It's time consuming to apply for these, but your family sounds like you need it.

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain how 2 people that aren't working with 2 children, one with a leukemia diagnosis, don't qualify for any assistance?
Your child is most likely on Mediciad.
And you are not working due to a cancer diagnosis?

I don't understand your statement that you don't qualify for assistance.
What else is going on?

I agree with this. Depending on your work history, you should qualify for SSDI or SSI. Your dd would qualify for SSI.

Can you explain how 2 people that aren't working with 2 children, one with a leukemia diagnosis, don't qualify for any assistance?
Your child is most likely on Mediciad.
And you are not working due to a cancer diagnosis?

I don't understand your statement that you don't qualify for assistance.
What else is going on?

OP, I'm so sorry to hear your story.

I would both have your DH talk to his parents and call your brother. DH knows better than you whether his parents would help in this situation, so let him navigate that.

With your brother, I wouldn't necessarily bring up moving in, but rather just let him know where you are. If he's doing well, maybe he's got a lead on a job for your DH. Or maybe he would be willing to offer financial support (I'd probably let him bring it up, but you know your family best). Regardless, having someone you love know what you're going through can bring intangible benefits. Maybe he can help in small ways like going with you to the hospital occasionally or taking your other child to play with cousins for a night. Maybe even just a meal with family once in a while.

No one's going to offer to help if you don't ask...they may not even know what you're going through (at least not the full extent). HOnestly, this doesn't sound like a situation you can navigate without more help of some sort...I've helped out not at all close friends in much less dire straights than yours.

If you were mine, I'd take you all in right this second. We don't have a lot of space but we'd make it work. You are not charity, you are family and when family needs we should all pitch in.

Call your brother.

This is what I would do. I would have a very specific strategy in place with DH re. moving back out, getting back on our feet, getting out of debt, as detailed as possible. Then I would be OK with DH *asking* them (including explaining why and explaining the gist of the exit strategy and any other considerations). Don't bring any baggage to this conversation. No guilt, no hurt b/c they didn't visit you or DD. Etc. Then I would listen very carefully to their response. If they were very open to the idea, I would do it (for a certain length of time sticking to my original plan with my DH) and be VERY thankful and appreciative and suck up my bad feelings for them prior. If they exhibited hesitation, passive aggressive attitude, or other responses that made me question it, I would not stay there for help.

I had to ask my dad for help one time. None of my siblings or I have have a great relationship with him, and we are not really close, but he was the right person who was in the position to help us. So I did ask him, very neutrally. I explained what else we were trying to do but why that was taknig a while to work out for us. He stepped us and provided the exact help I asked for with no drama and never mentioned it again. I couldn't have asked for anything more from him and I am so grateful and glad I did ask, even though I was hesitant. if he had said no, I would have been even worse off with respect to my situation, obviously, but no hard feelings towards him.