Anonymous
01/27/2016 12:35
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
I'm with everyone else. 5 and 8 year olds shouldn't even know you have a boyfriend.
Anonymous
01/26/2016 22:11
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Anonymous wrote:Former husband could not hold a job, could not deal with authority. Divorce was necessary for welfare of the boys. He is not 'father of the year.' He is an extremely angry person. BF is kind and sensitive to boys needs. He does not want to replace their father, he has his own children. X is just jealous and immature. Divorce was two years ago.
Remember that your boys see him through different eyes. Model positive behavior, make your home the place without anger and bitterness. Kids know, they'll figure it out.
Anonymous
01/26/2016 21:36
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Met the BF long after divorce.
Anonymous
01/26/2016 21:35
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Former husband could not hold a job, could not deal with authority. Divorce was necessary for welfare of the boys. He is not 'father of the year.' He is an extremely angry person. BF is kind and sensitive to boys needs. He does not want to replace their father, he has his own children. X is just jealous and immature. Divorce was two years ago.
Anonymous
01/26/2016 20:05
Subject: Re:Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Did you dump the ex husband for the new bf?
Anonymous
01/26/2016 19:58
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Why not just say "Daddy is entitled to his opinion."
Anonymous
01/26/2016 19:54
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Fixed:
I can't agree with anyone saying that you shouldn't date. That's ridiculous.
HOWEVER, if the BF is involved in your children's lives then it's a relationship that you have to manage carefully. They didn't choose the BF, you did, and you have to make it clear to them AND the BF that their father is still their father even if the guy is an asshole. You set the ground rules that no one is allowed to badmouth anyone in front of the kids. You can't enforce that with your ex, but that's his problem.
More importantly, listen to your kids because what you need to stay on top of is not what the ex is telling your kids, it's what they're telling him. People on DCUM frequently think about the kids' feelings last in divorce - "they'll get over it" - but that dismissiveness is usually at the root of behavior problems. Just as an example, you would want to know if your BF is treating them differently when you're not around. And if you're kids don't like the BF for some other reason, it's better for you to find out and modify your relationship with him than have the issue come up in family court.
Anonymous wrote:How do I handle my former husband's behavior? He is telling the boys not to listen to my boyfriend. Former husband is extremely jealous of my new BF. BF is not going away. And I'm afraid of what he'll tell the boys. My youngest son is already acting up at school, he's 5. I'm concerned about the boys welfare. Can a custody attorney help stop this behavior?????
I can't agree with anyone saying that you shouldn't date. That's ridiculous.
HOWEVER, if the BF is involved in your children's lives then it's a relationship that you have to manage carefully. They didn't choose the BF, you did, and you have to make it clear to them AND the BF that their father is still their father even if the guy is an asshole. You set the ground rules that no one is allowed to badmouth anyone in front of the kids. You can't enforce that with your ex, but that's his problem.
More importantly, listen to your kids because what you need to stay on top of is not what the ex is telling your kids, it's what they're telling him. People on DCUM frequently think about the kids' feelings last in divorce - "they'll get over it" - but that dismissiveness is usually at the root of behavior problems. Just as an example, you would want to know if your BF is treating them differently when you're not around. And if you're kids don't like the BF for some other reason, it's better for you to find out and modify your relationship with him than have the issue come up in family court.
Anonymous
01/26/2016 19:52
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Anonymous wrote:How do I handle my former husband's behavior? He is telling the boys not to listen to my boyfriend. Former husband is extremely jealous of my new BF. BF is not going away. And I'm afraid of what he'll tell the boys. My youngest son is already acting up at school, he's 5. I'm concerned about the boys welfare. Can a custody attorney help stop this behavior?????
[/qoute]
I can't agree with anyone saying that you shouldn't date. That's ridiculous.
HOWEVER, if the BF is involved in your children's lives then it's a relationship that you have to manage carefully. They didn't choose the BF, you did, and you have to make it clear to them AND the BF that their father is still their father even if the guy is an asshole. You set the ground rules that no one is allowed to badmouth anyone in front of the kids. You can't enforce that with your ex, but that's his problem.
More importantly, listen to your kids because what you need to stay on top of is not what the ex is telling your kids, it's what they're telling him. People on DCUM frequently think about the kids' feelings last in divorce - "they'll get over it" - but that dismissiveness is usually at the root of behavior problems. Just as an example, you would want to know if your BF is treating them differently when you're not around. And if you're kids don't like the BF for some other reason, it's better for you to find out and modify your relationship with him than have the issue come up in family court.
Anonymous
01/26/2016 19:20
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Your kids should not know about the new bf. I waited a year after we started exclusive dating before my kids knew of mine. Roughly 18 mos before they met. And he never spent the night under the same roof as them until we were engaged.
Anonymous
01/26/2016 19:18
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
NO, there is really nothing you can do to prevent it. It's common sense and good parenting for your DH to shut the hell up about the new boyfriend, but you can't enforce that at all.
But you also can't truly trust everything you hear your kids say. They probably are picking up on his displeasure that you have a new guy around his kids -- but you really don't know exactly what he is saying. Unless your divorce agreement has a clause about not introducing new boyfriends/girlfriends to the kids, there is nothing he can do either.
Have the two of you ever taken a parenting class? You both need to focus on the kids and what is best for them. You have a right to date and bring someone new into your life, but that doesn't mean that the kids or your DH will be accepting.
How do you know your son's bad behavior at school is related to hearing anything bad from his father. For all you know, he could be reacting to you focusing some of your time and energy on the new boyfriend. It's at least as likely to think that your kids are frustrated with the introduction of a new man into their lives -- not because of anything their dad has said.
But you also can't truly trust everything you hear your kids say. They probably are picking up on his displeasure that you have a new guy around his kids -- but you really don't know exactly what he is saying. Unless your divorce agreement has a clause about not introducing new boyfriends/girlfriends to the kids, there is nothing he can do either.
Have the two of you ever taken a parenting class? You both need to focus on the kids and what is best for them. You have a right to date and bring someone new into your life, but that doesn't mean that the kids or your DH will be accepting.
How do you know your son's bad behavior at school is related to hearing anything bad from his father. For all you know, he could be reacting to you focusing some of your time and energy on the new boyfriend. It's at least as likely to think that your kids are frustrated with the introduction of a new man into their lives -- not because of anything their dad has said.
Anonymous
01/26/2016 19:14
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Gross, why would you jump into bed so quickly and want to tell your kids
Anonymous
01/26/2016 19:09
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Anonymous wrote:OP, how new is new?
And how recent is the divorce?
Anonymous
01/26/2016 19:09
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
Agree with everyone else that kids and BF need to be kept separate and at no point in time, even if you marry, should he be involved in any way in the parenting and/or discipline of your kids. Ever.
Anonymous
01/26/2016 19:06
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
OP, how new is new?
Anonymous
01/26/2016 18:59
Subject: Ex-husband bad mouthing new boyfriend to children
There are no legal grounds for an attorney to get up in court and argue to judge that your husband did something wrong here. His comment does not violate any custody or divorce agreement.