Unless I get to know the adult(s) that would be around my child; I would not have my son left alone with them without me, her father, or another relative. It doesn't matter if they have children; you have to remember things can still happen even with your friends/family.

If you want deal with this easily, why not do so with your kids? At 6 and 3.5 you can tell them that they are allowed to play with these girls and other kids in MIL's neighborhood OUTSIDE but they are not allowed to go into anyone's homes? 6 and 3.5 is old enough to understand that and to understand there will be consequences if they don't listen to your rule.

I live in a nice neighborhood where most of us know each other and there are several families with this rule. The kids don't bat an eye when they say - hey want to come play xbox and the other kid responds, sorry my mom said I can only play with friends outside or in my own house so I can't come in. The kids either find an outdoor game or if there are more that want to/can go inside and play there, then the kid who isn't allowed leaves and visits again another day.

Some neighbors just don't feel comfortable sending their kid into someone else's home, and I get that; I mean we see them as we drive by, maybe we chat on a snow day, but how well do you REALLY know them and what goes on in their home, how they supervise etc. In my area this came about bc a LOT of families bring in grandparents from India, China, Pakistan etc. to come help raise kids; while I have nothing against that, even if I feel like I know my neighbors, I don't know their in laws and sometimes they don't speak English well so I question how much they can control and supervise a bunch of 6 yr olds esp if they get unruly, if an injury arises etc.

Oh my... no I wouldn't be okay with this scenario at all. And I would think your MIL should have asked you before sending your kids over there. If you question your MIL's judgement that's all the more reason this is not okay. You don't know what's going on over there or what they're being exposed to. These are your kids and your responsibility. Tell MIL you're not comfortable with it, that their girls can come over but you don't want your kids in someones house you don't know. If she can't handle taking care of them alone then you'll have to find an alternative that you feel more comfortable with.

My mom takes my 5 year old over to a neighbor's house to play sometimes when DD is staying with her. Usually she stays but she has left her there, with my permission, when she has another commitment.

I get where you are coming from, OP. Usually in the past when my mom left DD at the neighbor's house it has been just for a few minutes, but recently she left her there for a couple of hours. When she asked I totally paused and almost said no. But I decided that I was comfortable enough with my mom's judgment, and I do know these neighbors somewhat as well which helps.

I think this is one of those things where if you want the free babysitting, you need to make it manageable. If your MIL needs a break sometimes, find a way to make it happen, and don't micromanage it. I would spend a little time with these neighbors, and if they give you reason to question your kids' safety then absolutely say no. Otherwise I would allow it.

Anonymous wrote:I would not. They are strangers to you. I wouldn't let my kids into a strangers house.

Why? This doesn't make any sense. What horrific thing, exactly, do you think is going to happen? Or are your kids poorly behaved and you worry about them damaging something or jumping on the furniture or something?

I would not be comfortable at all. Too many people are too trusting of letting any and everyone around there kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for your response. Interesting to read because I am very uncomfortable letting my oldest go over. The neighbors are strangers to me. To be honest, I don't trust mil's judgment. She is a bit lax and semi naive sometimes and I lean the other way. Not saying I'm right, just much more cautious generally. I just don't understand why mil can't have the kids play outside only and keep an eye on them?

No, I wouldn't let them go in the neighbor's house. But... I also wouldn't let someone I considered "lax and semi naive" take care of my children.

This a hundred times.

Some neighbors, yes; others, no.

If you don't trust your MIL's judgment on this issue, meet the neighbors and see if you are comfortable with them. If not, find a paid babysitter. Don't create issues btwn your MIL and her neighbor (and btwn you and her) by trying to ban the unaccompanied visits.

This is not a problem and happens when my kid is with my MIL all the time. She knows her neighbor, has been to their home, knows their kids and trusts them. I trust my MIL. Ergo it is not an issue.

Try to apply some rational thinking about risk here. No wonder our kids are all hopped up on SSRIs and shit. We're creating a generation of anxious little worrywarts because WE are overly anxious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for your response. Interesting to read because I am very uncomfortable letting my oldest go over. The neighbors are strangers to me. To be honest, I don't trust mil's judgment. She is a bit lax and semi naive sometimes and I lean the other way. Not saying I'm right, just much more cautious generally. I just don't understand why mil can't have the kids play outside only and keep an eye on them?

That's the issue. Not whether the kids go inside the house or stay in the yard. The issue is that you don't trust the judgment of the person who is watching your children. I think that you should focus on that.

Op here. Yes, I admit I don't trust her judgment on certain issues. I do trust that she will keep the kids safe when at her home. Outside of the home? Not so much. She's proven to be easily distracted and a bit absent minded. When the kids were babies we didn't let her babysit much. having said all that, we are from California and don't have any other family in the area. We can't be too picky; hence my dilemma.

OP, your mother-in-law is your partner's mother. Does your partner trust her? How does your partner feel about your mother-in-law watching the children?

If you (or your partner) said to your mother-in-law: "Can you please keep the kids at your home and do not take them outside your home?" I can foresee a few possible outcomes.

1. Mother-in-law thinks, "Good lord, parents these days are nuts," but abides by your wishes (meanwhile your kids don't get to go outside or play with the neighbor kids).
2. Mother-in-law thinks, "Good lord, parents these days are nuts," and ignores your wishes.
3. Mother-in-law says, "You don't trust me, do you?"

How comfortable are you with these outcomes?

Your MIL's neighbor is not the same as YOUR neighbor.
I would go to MIL's neighbor's house and introduce myself, say, "I heard my girls had come over andI just wantedto introduce myself." Thank them for having your kids, and chat. See how you feel. If you question your MIL's judgement on some things, neighbor safety is not one thing to make an exception about. There could be someone living in the house that your MIL doesn't know much about. There could be second hand smoke, guns, conversations about who-knows-what. Your kids are young enough that constant supervision when not at home is important to avoid bad situations. At age 8 or 10 it would be a different story.
I've been on the end where people's kids are coming into MY house and I've never spoken to their parents and I feel strange that the parents would be okay with it.

I have a 7 and 4 year old. They've been basically going to the neighbors house since we moved in two years ago. I didn't let the younger one go alone until she was three. However, I know the family very well and we have a close knit community. I'd ask my MIL more about the neighbors. How long has she known them? How often does she interact with them? Stop by and say hi and make sure it's ok for your kids to play there. Get a feeling about them. Let them know their kids can come play at your MIL's house as well (assuming she would be ok with this)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for your response. Interesting to read because I am very uncomfortable letting my oldest go over. The neighbors are strangers to me. To be honest, I don't trust mil's judgment. She is a bit lax and semi naive sometimes and I lean the other way. Not saying I'm right, just much more cautious generally. I just don't understand why mil can't have the kids play outside only and keep an eye on them?

So make an effort and get to know them. Your kids obviously like these people. Go hang out. Then decide.

This. Problem solved, one way or the other.

Yes I do let my kids go inside neighbors' houses.

Look if you leave your children in other people's care, you trust them or you don't. You can't micromanage them from afar. If you don't trust your MIL, pay for a babysitter.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for your response. Interesting to read because I am very uncomfortable letting my oldest go over. The neighbors are strangers to me. To be honest, I don't trust mil's judgment. She is a bit lax and semi naive sometimes and I lean the other way. Not saying I'm right, just much more cautious generally. I just don't understand why mil can't have the kids play outside only and keep an eye on them?

So make an effort and get to know them. Your kids obviously like these people. Go hang out. Then decide.