OP I think the biggest issue is that you and your DH do not set the budget goals together - it appears from your post that he sets parameters and you have little say in them. If it was different when you both were working I can see how you would feel resentful - I certainly would. If you decided together that you would stay home that does not take you out of the decisions of the family money coming in - and that's where I could see how you came up with this is a separate money stream as it is the ONLY one you have say over.

Anonymous wrote:

"Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced."

And the reason why so many on here are bitching and getting drunk/high. Because they don't raise their own kids.

Bingo.

ALL money should be renamed OUR money.

I see a control issue in OP's post. I have a feeling one is a spender, one a saver. There's a reason.

If your husband works two jobs and you are making money on the side, I agree with him. Either put that money in the bank or use it strictly for household expenses.

Op here. Thanks for the input and criticism as that's why I asked is for honest opinions. I will set the money aside for household

"Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced."

And the reason why so many on here are bitching and getting drunk/high. Because they don't raise their own kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Whoever is doing the childcare IS working.

It's not the same, and it's not as valuable as earning money when finances are tight. Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced. And it's not "working" when it's your own children -- it's fulfilling your responsibilities. "Work" is generally understood to mean income-producing labor.

"Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced."

This takes the cake for most ignorant statement of the week on DCUM. This mentality is why most kids are in trouble by high school. Drugs, alcohol, sex, habitual lying, etc.

The kids are NOT alright, you fool.

Agree with all pps except the one who remarked about childcare being work.

I would suggest a compromise going forward if you earn money again is to keep say 25% for something you want and contribute the remainder (after tax) to the family pot.

So all the money he brings in is "bill" money and the money you bring it is "your play" money? And you can't figure out why he is mad?

Anonymous wrote:
Whoever is doing the childcare IS working.

It's not the same, and it's not as valuable as earning money when finances are tight. Child care is menial labor that is easily outsourced. And it's not "working" when it's your own children -- it's fulfilling your responsibilities. "Work" is generally understood to mean income-producing labor.

Anonymous wrote:
Whoever is doing the childcare IS working.

Working for MONEY you nitwit.

You should have named the money "our play money" instead of "my play money" and shared it with him.

OP every couple has a magic number: the amount they would/should spend without consulting their spouse beforehand. In some couples this number is incredibly high ("Look honey, I bought a new sports car!" "Wow, that's gorgeous!"). In your situation DH clearly thinks that $200 is too steep. The indications point to your DH being right.

I'd suggest you take the global view. Review priorities with DH and come to an agreement (however you do that) on how to spend all your money - not just $30 here and $200 there. Include your savings in this conversation. I would suggest the same if you went back to work.

After all bills are paid and contribute to savings is made it (all money) should be shared. So if DH needs jeans and you need new sneakers. You guys can go out and get these things. My husband works the full time job and I take care of child care. I sometimes bring in extra. Sometimes it has to go to bills. Other times it has bought things that my husband has wanted like tickets to a westling event or new jeans. It's give and take.

Sorry, OP, but if your husband is working 2 jobs so you can pay for groceries and everyday expenses, you can't take money you earned on your own and buy yourself fun things. You need to put that money toward the household. You should both draw up a budget and find a way for each of you to have a little extra spending money each month.

It is household money given you are barely making it and living paycheck to paycheck. If husband is working two jobs for you to stay home, you are not looking at things reasonably. More importantly, it doesn't sound like you can afford to stay home if you are worried about grocery money. Instead of threats, find affordable child care and a job, at least part time.