Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:26     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:I had a similar reaction about my father's affair at 14.

No I wasn't mad at him on my mother's behalf.

I was mad at him.

Mad at him for the liar that he was, that he had the audacity to act as Mr. Moral and do what he did.

It also messed with my image of what marriage is and it took time and counseling to get over it.
It's not just your wife you hurt here.

What did not work was what he did the " no big deal approach"

Give him space.

Yeah, the hypocrisy of the cheater is hard to get over.



Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:25     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:For the people who cut their parent off after an affair, I certainly hope there was more to it that than. Christ, my mom cheated on my dad when I was in college. They got divorced and life goes on. Grow the F up people.


I imagine that the behavior of the cheating parent after the affair is discovered has a lot to do with it.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:25     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I found out my mother was cheating on my father when I was 21. I pretty much cut her out of my life. She has never met DH or my kids.

My siblings keep in touch with her for money. That's all.
what else happened? If you cut her out forever because of this...wow. That is some awful grudge holding.


My mother was cheating on my father while he was dying of cancer. She moved in with her boyfriend and left my father and my 5 younger siblings on their own.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:22     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
For the people who cut their parent off after an affair, I certainly hope there was more to it that than. Christ, my mom cheated on my dad when I was in college. They got divorced and life goes on. Grow the F up people.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:21     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
You chose the path of lies and betrayal, and now your son is reacting to feeling betrayed by your actions.

This is a choice you made, and these are some of the hurtful consequences of it.

You can't force him to change his mind, his feelings, or his reactions. He may or may not choose to move on from this and retain any type of relationship with you, but since all relationships are a two-way street you will likely just have to live with whatever sort of parent-child relationship your son is now willing to have with you in light of this new information.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:15     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:You betrayed your whole family so he has every right to be mad. Give it time. You will regain a relationship but it will never be the one it was. Hopefully the new one will work out but he will never trust you entirely again. Believe me, I lived it.


+1

Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:12     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have his mother talk to him. He's probably mad at you in defense of her.


LOL yeah she will provide a reasonable, objective perspective....

If the wife wants to stay married, the son having a good relationship with his father will facilitate that. To that end, showing him that she is trying to forgive the dad and doesn't hate him would help a lot


Maybe his wife has a limit to the amount of shit she's willing to swallow in the name of fixing his mistake for him. And using your kid as a tool to try to save your marriage? Gross.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:09     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
You betrayed your whole family so he has every right to be mad. Give it time. You will regain a relationship but it will never be the one it was. Hopefully the new one will work out but he will never trust you entirely again. Believe me, I lived it.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:08     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have his mother talk to him. He's probably mad at you in defense of her.


LOL yeah she will provide a reasonable, objective perspective....

If the wife wants to stay married, the son having a good relationship with his father will facilitate that. To that end, showing him that she is trying to forgive the dad and doesn't hate him would help a lot
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:08     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
I had a similar reaction about my father's affair at 14.

No I wasn't mad at him on my mother's behalf.

I was mad at him.

Mad at him for the liar that he was, that he had the audacity to act as Mr. Moral and do what he did.

It also messed with my image of what marriage is and it took time and counseling to get over it.
It's not just your wife you hurt here.

What did not work was what he did the " no big deal approach"

Give him space.



Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:08     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Don't worry, I haven't spoken to my dad for 40 years after he cheated on my mom, but your son might be different.

Shoulda kept it zipped up if you wanted a good relationship with your kids, genius.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:07     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:Who did you have an affair with? Was it a WOHM?

Is your wife a SAHM?



OP had an affair with a coworker, and his works as well.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:04     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:Have his mother talk to him. He's probably mad at you in defense of her.


LOL yeah she will provide a reasonable, objective perspective....
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 21:03     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Anonymous wrote:I found out my mother was cheating on my father when I was 21. I pretty much cut her out of my life. She has never met DH or my kids.

My siblings keep in touch with her for money. That's all.
what else happened? If you cut her out forever because of this...wow. That is some awful grudge holding.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2016 20:57     Subject: Son won't talk to me after affair
Who did you have an affair with? Was it a WOHM?

Is your wife a SAHM?