Anonymous wrote:Ok time for a truth bomb. The people you work with DGAF about your personal life. So whether it's mom or dad or grandma or a DCP taking care of your kid, they don't care and don't want to know about it. Have kids, don't have kids, pay for childcare, have a SAHP, who cares. Bottom line: figure that shit out on your own and don't whine. No one likes a whiner.

+1

Anonymous wrote:No. Haven't you noticed how men with SAHW leave the break area? Take the last donut and leave the box (can't throw the box away)? Splash coffee everywhere and not get a papertowel?

They are accustomed to women mothering and cleaning up after them. They assume women are on earth to pick up their messes.

Maybe they expect the coffee and donut fairy to handle the clean up? Usually you assign the duty of bringing in donuts and making coffee as well as clean up duties don't you? or do you all just let that last donut moulder away and that last 1/4 cup of coffee set there all day until someone who missed lunch gets desperate enough to wolf it down..haha.

Anonymous wrote:Ok time for a truth bomb. The people you work with DGAF about your personal life. So whether it's mom or dad or grandma or a DCP taking care of your kid, they don't care and don't want to know about it. Have kids, don't have kids, pay for childcare, have a SAHP, who cares. Bottom line: figure that shit out on your own and don't whine. No one likes a whiner.

I have to agree with this, at least in my workplace. A lot of my co-workers have SAHWs but I have never been made to feel bad about the fact that I work. When I asked for a reduced schedule to spend more time with my kids, no one batted an eyelash. I'm an adult who gets my work done and handles childcare without it getting in the way of my work. My company treats me like an adult who gets her shit done. No one questions me when I have to come in late, leave early, etc because they know I'll get the work done later that night. I don't think its fair to paint all guys with SAHWs with such a wide brush. From what I have seen, most guys with families of their own (no matter what their spouses do) do not have time to worry about my family and my work situation.

No. Haven't you noticed how men with SAHW leave the break area? Take the last donut and leave the box (can't throw the box away)? Splash coffee everywhere and not get a papertowel?

They are accustomed to women mothering and cleaning up after them. They assume women are on earth to pick up their messes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. You got a jerk. Most people aren't jerks, though!

Wrong. Even nice men with SAHWs are influenced by their biases.

Wrong. My DH owns his own company and goes out of his way to help employees (men & women) achieve some flexibility so they can spend time with their families. He values it himself and gains great loyalty from his employees from his considerate practices.

He has a services firm so his employees are his company so he values them a lot.

Ok time for a truth bomb. The people you work with DGAF about your personal life. So whether it's mom or dad or grandma or a DCP taking care of your kid, they don't care and don't want to know about it. Have kids, don't have kids, pay for childcare, have a SAHP, who cares. Bottom line: figure that shit out on your own and don't whine. No one likes a whiner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The worst boss of all for working moms is the 50+ woman who has never had children. Just because she gave up a family for her work doesn't mean she should judge you for it. It's like sisterhood doesn't exist and that every woman is out for herself.

I really, really agree with this. Especially if she's bitter about never being married or having kids.

And every childless female boss I ever had were 2nd wives. They DHs had kids from the first marriage and did not have primary custody. These were the worst women bosses ever. My best male bosses were those that had SAHWs and who appreciated the parenting challenges that they did not have to face (illness, snow-days, school holidays, early dismissal...etc).

Most male bosses with WOHWs felt that if they could juggle childcare, so could others. They did not realize that not everyone had full time nannies

My husband works with a couple of them that are great (husbands with SAHW's). We divvy up childcare - so he takes the hit. He has one that is a real A--Hat about it- but the others he works with (including A--Hats boss) are awesome.

I have worked with some (in government) and have had no issues. My current boss and my last boss (both had SAHW's) and both completely respectful when I have to take off. (Took off a day and a half two weeks ago - due to a fever. He was fine that same evening- but couldn't go back to daycare for 24 hours. No issues). My son had 8 ear infections by the time he was 9 months old. I had to take some significant time off - after taking off 3 months maternity leave. Never had one issue. In fact, they were more concerned for my son's health than anything else. It also NEVER affected my performance rating. Received a glowing review.

Anonymous wrote:I had a lunch with my boss, a man trying to get us as a client, and his female associate. The man asked if I had kids. He then asked my boss how his kids were and what his wife was doing. My boss said his wife stayed at home and the man said his did, too, and "it would be impossible to do our jobs (meaning our entire industry) without a spouse at home." My boss heartily agreed. It still burns me up thinking about it. Needless to say, I fought against contracting with him so the other guy is at least a little poorer for his terrible choice of words.

Wow - very unprofessional. Maybe you should reconsider your career options if you are so thin-skinned.

Can women with SAH husbands ever be fair to the men that report to them?

Can people in child free relationships ever be fair to the men and women w/children who report to them?

Can bosses with grown children ever be fair to the parents of young children who report to them?

Can people who have kids but do not have primary custody of their kids be fair to the people w/children at home who report to them?

Add in any other scenario that you can think of...

Answer: Of course. But it depends on the individual.

I had a lunch with my boss, a man trying to get us as a client, and his female associate. The man asked if I had kids. He then asked my boss how his kids were and what his wife was doing. My boss said his wife stayed at home and the man said his did, too, and "it would be impossible to do our jobs (meaning our entire industry) without a spouse at home." My boss heartily agreed. It still burns me up thinking about it. Needless to say, I fought against contracting with him so the other guy is at least a little poorer for his terrible choice of words.

Anonymous wrote:The worst boss of all for working moms is the 50+ woman who has never had children. Just because she gave up a family for her work doesn't mean she should judge you for it. It's like sisterhood doesn't exist and that every woman is out for herself.

I really, really agree with this. Especially if she's bitter about never being married or having kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer to your question is "of course."

But I'll take the bait and ask what the "appalling comment" was.

When someone else dropped the ball, and before he had a grasp of what had gone wrong, asked if I had screwed up because of my home obligations. I had been in the office until midnight the night before.

I *really* hope you called them out on their stupid assumption. That's appalling.

The worst boss of all for working moms is the 50+ woman who has never had children. Just because she gave up a family for her work doesn't mean she should judge you for it. It's like sisterhood doesn't exist and that every woman is out for herself.

I had one (a fed manager!) a few years ago that said to me "I feel lucky that we now make enough that my wife doesn't work and that I can support her." I wanted to scream.