Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to all for your input. Our DC is a model student according to several teachers so I am not as concerned with finding a good fit. I think he would thrive in any environment. That said, since I attended only public schools I have no experience as to what "extras" privates have to offer. According to this thread, it seems not much. Previous posters touched upon some of the concerns I have with private schools (grade inflation, insular environment) and public schools (test focused, underfunded). I hope we make the right decision for our DC!

My DD is in high school at a Top 3 NW private school. I have another child in public school (her choice not to switch). Grade inflation happens at public school not private. There is a reason there are swarms of public school kids graduating with well above 4.0 each year. This doesn't happen in private school. Private school has been a good fit for my DD because it has offered her small classes, opportunities to play on sports teams and theater, student government, no focus on standardized testing, opportunities for class trips around the world etc etc. All things she would not get at our (overcrowded) local public HS. It has been worth the money to see her thrive. I'm not saying public school is a bad choice, it is a good fit for my other DD, it's just not the best choice for all kids.

OP here. Thanks to all for your input. Our DC is a model student according to several teachers so I am not as concerned with finding a good fit. I think he would thrive in any environment. That said, since I attended only public schools I have no experience as to what "extras" privates have to offer. According to this thread, it seems not much. Previous posters touched upon some of the concerns I have with private schools (grade inflation, insular environment) and public schools (test focused, underfunded). I hope we make the right decision for our DC!

I was in public schools all the way through. My parents said we could go to the Catholic HS if we wanted to (some friends were going) but my mom who did all Catholic schools really advised against it. DH went to private for K-8 and pub HS. He was strongly against private school so we never investigated the options as our kids started K. We are in a zone with a well regarded ES so we figured we would try it and be open to shifting if it didn't work for our kids. Have been very happy with it (1 now in MS and the other in 4th grade) and don't feel like the testing aspect is out of control. Given how expensive private school is I think it is worth it for most families to take a good look at their public school options first. But I'd be willing to invest in private school if the public school was problematic. There's no one absolute "best".

I was a (non-certified) teacher at a very well regarded private school in another part of Virginia. It was appalling to me how much the kids got away with academically and behaviorally and also how much grade inflation there was. And how much the parents were able to bend things to their will. Basically all these average kids being told how smart they were. Gag.

I know this is only ONE private school but definitely made me skeptical of the whole idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to private school. Hoping to keep my kids in public school all the way.

same here.
I find it fascinating that so many of us feel this way.

Me too.

My theory - private school is probably a 10% better experience than the public path we are on. That 10% is simply not worth the financial and lifestyle price we would pay through the tuition costs.

I think this is spot on.
My kids are in an excellent public and i think the difference between their experience and that of a top ("Big 3" or the like) private school in DC is about 10%.
For us, that 10% isn't worth $35-40K per kid. If we had an income of >$500K maybe we'd consider it. If our public was crummy then we'd also certainly consider it.
But as it is we're quite happy in public. And kids from our public school transfer quite seamlessly to Big 3 schools in later elementary and middle school all the time.

PP here. Yep. Same here.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have advanced degrees in education and our child has done both. Here is what we deduced:

1. The quality of teachers is similar. Both systems have terrific teachers and terrible teachers.

2. Both systems ask for donations repeatedly.

3. All parents are insecure about their choices. I believe this is because we can't know the outcome. We make a decision and have faith it is the best one. Because of our insecurity, we are defensive and feel the need justify it.

We were looking at St. Anselm's, when we did the math $25k/ year (minimum) X 6 years=$150,000 minimum. We could not justify spending the equivalent of college tuition on it.

Truer words have not been spoken.

My husband and I have advanced degrees in education and our child has done both. Here is what we deduced:

1. The quality of teachers is similar. Both systems have terrific teachers and terrible teachers.

2. Both systems ask for donations repeatedly.

3. All parents are insecure about their choices. I believe this is because we can't know the outcome. We make a decision and have faith it is the best one. Because of our insecurity, we are defensive and feel the need justify it.

We were looking at St. Anselm's, when we did the math $25k/ year (minimum) X 6 years=$150,000 minimum. We could not justify spending the equivalent of college tuition on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to private school. Hoping to keep my kids in public school all the way.

same here.
I find it fascinating that so many of us feel this way.

Me too.

My theory - private school is probably a 10% better experience than the public path we are on. That 10% is simply not worth the financial and lifestyle price we would pay through the tuition costs.

I think this is spot on.
My kids are in an excellent public and i think the difference between their experience and that of a top ("Big 3" or the like) private school in DC is about 10%.
For us, that 10% isn't worth $35-40K per kid. If we had an income of >$500K maybe we'd consider it. If our public was crummy then we'd also certainly consider it.
But as it is we're quite happy in public. And kids from our public school transfer quite seamlessly to Big 3 schools in later elementary and middle school all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to private school. Hoping to keep my kids in public school all the way.

same here.
I find it fascinating that so many of us feel this way.

Me too.

My theory - private school is probably a 10% better experience than the public path we are on. That 10% is simply not worth the financial and lifestyle price we would pay through the tuition costs.

Another poster in this situation and I agree. The elitist nature of the best privates simply isn't backed up by the kids' experiences. Did an alumni interview for my ivy today and the girl said she left a big 3 for a W public because the private felt stifling and insular. Similar reason to why we are going public. Someone in another thread called going private a "new money" thing to do - more about the look than the substance. I tend to agree.

Anonymous wrote:I went to public school in the 70s and 80s, back when schools were focused on education, not indoctrination, and the kids (largely) had working fathers and SAHMs. In other words, those well-meaning teachers could actually focus on teaching children who were actually teachable. That is no longer the case, sadly, so I spend $60k/year to send my two DC to local private schools. We tried public here (Bethesda Elementary), which experiment lasted two years before we jumped ship for the good of my DC. We never looked back.

We really should have a tax deduction for money spent on private schools, like the home interest deduction.

You are kidding, right? There have always been poor people and there have always been single family homes. You just grew up in a place affluent enough to not see it. Education is struggling in public schools not because of "indoctrination" but because of inadequate funding and mandated testing all the time. Inadequate funding is why even though I grew up in a LMC neighborhood with a single mom in the 80s, we had PE, music and art every day. Even the wealthy public schools in my area can't do that.

Ok what about top independents vs McLean publics?

Anonymous wrote:I went to public school in the 70s and 80s, back when schools were focused on education, not indoctrination, and the kids (largely) had working fathers and SAHMs. In other words, those well-meaning teachers could actually focus on teaching children who were actually teachable. That is no longer the case, sadly, so I spend $60k/year to send my two DC to local private schools. We tried public here (Bethesda Elementary), which experiment lasted two years before we jumped ship for the good of my DC. We never looked back.

We really should have a tax deduction for money spent on private schools, like the home interest deduction.

I am not surprised that you are happier in a private school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to private school. Hoping to keep my kids in public school all the way.

same here.
I find it fascinating that so many of us feel this way.

Me too.

My theory - private school is probably a 10% better experience than the public path we are on. That 10% is simply not worth the financial and lifestyle price we would pay through the tuition costs.

It depends on the school system and your school zone.

I went to public school in the 70s and 80s, back when schools were focused on education, not indoctrination, and the kids (largely) had working fathers and SAHMs. In other words, those well-meaning teachers could actually focus on teaching children who were actually teachable. That is no longer the case, sadly, so I spend $60k/year to send my two DC to local private schools. We tried public here (Bethesda Elementary), which experiment lasted two years before we jumped ship for the good of my DC. We never looked back.

We really should have a tax deduction for money spent on private schools, like the home interest deduction.