OP - You just can't tell how things work out some times. Our oldest daughter had a serious cancer at age 29 and fortunately pushed for an OBG consult in the hospital before chemo had to begin and she was put on Lupron for the entire 9 months of chemo as no time to consider retrieving and freezing eggs. The best advice then was to wait two years to try to get pregnant and she did. On the very first try she came up with twins and delivered two healthy girls who are now 7. For her this was a "God send" because any future pregnancy could always sort of get the hormones moving in not the best way. It is wonderful to see the advances in science being made.

OP again. I do feel extremely lucky right now, but that's only after years of real struggle. I also do feel lucky that the decision to go straight to DE was a *relatively* easy one for me and my husband, and that our families were accepting.

Nevertheless, we're all starting at a pretty tough baseline on this board and once you're here at all I think it's hard to parse degrees of fairness from the spectrum of experiences.

Anonymous wrote:I am super glad this worked out for OP. In a way, it just shows how unfair IF is. OP doesn't care whether her baby is from her eggs or not, and she gets pregnant naturally. (when she might have preferred to get pregnant with DE but under circumstances where she wasn't taking a med that could affect the baby). Some people who really care end up having to use DE. I need to remember to stop expecting fairness.

This comment is a little weird. It sounds to me like the OP had made peace with DE and has been thrown for a loop by a natural pregnancy. That doesn't mean she doesn't want this pregnancy or that it's "unfair" she has it. Fertility is not a zero sum game.

Anyway, OP, glad to hear you got lucky! I'm sure there are resources out there for families that have kids from both OE and DE. I bet there are more such families than you think. Hopefully you can find some support as you go forward.

Anonymous wrote:I am super glad this worked out for OP. In a way, it just shows how unfair IF is. OP doesn't care whether her baby is from her eggs or not, and she gets pregnant naturally. (when she might have preferred to get pregnant with DE but under circumstances where she wasn't taking a med that could affect the baby). Some people who really care end up having to use DE. I need to remember to stop expecting fairness.

IF is unfair, but I disagree that it's unfair for someone diagnosed with infertility and having suffered repeat losses to end up with a successful natural conception, even if she was ok with DE. We come to terms with our options as our situations evolve, and the fact of someone arriving quicker to the conclusion that DE is their best option doesnt really negate the whole IF journey leading up to that point. It's hard for all of us, rpl or struggling to conceive at all.

I am super glad this worked out for OP. In a way, it just shows how unfair IF is. OP doesn't care whether her baby is from her eggs or not, and she gets pregnant naturally. (when she might have preferred to get pregnant with DE but under circumstances where she wasn't taking a med that could affect the baby). Some people who really care end up having to use DE. I need to remember to stop expecting fairness.

OP here. I did decide to go straight to donor eggs, and was beginning with a mock cycle, when I found out I was pregnant, naturally (I created another post on this board back in February when I found out, with my shock/concern/awe about getting pregnant while on lupron). I'm 10 weeks now and things seem to be going well so far, but the past 2 months have been a real mind-trip, full of caution and anxiety. DH and I still aren't quite ready to believe this one will work out.

But assuming this does work out and we do end up with a baby, I won't hesitate to go straight to donor egg for a sibling. I've actually thought a lot lately about whether I feel differently about using a donor egg now that my own egg is within reach, and I've decided that I don't - or at least not enough. I'm just so relieved that this process was "easy" - and ivf with my own egg certainly wouldn't be. My RE says I shouldn't be surprised if I'm menopausal post partum (I'm 33 now).

Honestly, while I'm delighted at how things seem to be turning out, the idea of having one OE cold and one DE child actually seems a little more complicated than two DE children. But we'll grow our family one way or another. Best of luck with everyone facing these decisions.

OP I had similar numbers, but I decided to try Natural cycle IVF. Dr told me my odds were like 5%, but for me, I wanted to try once. I got very lucky and it worked. You just never know how things will turn out.

Best of luck to you no matter how you choose to make your family.

OP, I am in a similar situation, but am trying with OE. I have insurance coverage for IVF itself but not for the meds. 3 cycles so far and I decided I am willing to do 2 more before going DE route. My FSH is 11.5, AMH is ok, 42 y.o., no issues with male factor.

OP what did you decide to do?

I am in a similar situation with the DOR and am not sure what path to take. I have secondary infertility (got pregnant with our toddler on the first try) and have not been able to get pregnant with #2 (been trying over a year). Our child is only 2 so clearly my fertility declined a lot in a short amount of time. My AMH is .3 and my FSH isn't too bad, range is 8-10. My AFC isn't bad either, 10 eggs total but I cannot seem to get pregnant. Have tried IUI which all failed. Just wondered if you could update on your decision process.

OP, if I could do it all over again I would have gone to DE immediately. Instead, we blew all our money on OE odds and lost. I hope you have success.

OP back again. You all are so incredibly helpful and insightful.

I appreciate the various perspectives, and I'm also relieved to read a lot that affirms my own instinct - that if I'm comfortable with the idea of DE and want to minimize the risk of additional heartache, there's nothing irrational about choosing to go the donor route before even one IVF cycle with my own egg.

I know there are big tradeoffs associated with "giving up" on the idea of a biological child, but I'm realizing more and more that DH and I are just not up for the emotional and physical cost of trying to beat the odds with my OE. I'm still very sad about it all, and we'll keep trying to catch that one good egg on our own in the meantime, but we're ready to feel a bit more in control over things and put our family ahead of my biology.

I was not expecting to feel so positive about things so soon and if this gives me some relief I don't know why I wouldn't choose it.

If you are going to use Frozen eggs and want siblings, make sure you buy at least 2 lots. There is a chance that one lot will get you the embryos you need, but everything needs to run perfectly.

We got a lot of 6 frozen eggs. Of those we got 3 good embryos. I was lucky to get pregnant with the first transfer. But for many women, it takes many cycles to get pregnant.

So only thaw 1 lot at first, but have the backup lot just in case. If in the future you don't need the lot, you can 'give' it back.