Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:42     Subject: Re:I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I get what you mean, PP, about the wife / child being an abstract, but I'm the same age as the wife and my child is the same age as their child, so I would hope that she could empathize a little more.

Also, I get that she was dumped in a shitty way, but they've been dating for one month. I have ketchup in my fridge older than that.


You made this about you. You need to work on your own insecurity and marriage issues rather than focusing your energy on your sister. She is an adult and manage her sex life without you.


Op doesn't care about her sister's sex life. Op hasn't mentioned a thing about her sister's sex life. Op is very concerned that her single and available little sister is playing house with a MARRIED man and father of a young child in the hopes that he will leave his wife and child for her after only knowing him for one month. ONE month.

Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:40     Subject: Re:I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You forgot to tell her the most important things. One, the relationship has started out on a lie and he will lie to her with ease in the future. Two, the lack of thought and empathy he displays for his child and family, will soon enough rear its head in her relationship with him. Three, even if his marriage was dead, he comes with a lot of baggage and has had no time to process or reflect.

I would stop the moralizing and try to give her some valuable advice.


Well, yes. It is his complete lack of character combined with her lack of empathy for the young wife and small children of this man and her inability to see this guy for what he really is and how he USED her.

It's just such a mistake on so many levels. If the guy was up front about it all and was legally separated that would be more understandable. But this guy LIED big time.


OP again.

I agree completely, PP. So, she is saying, so if we're in love and he does leave his wife, then I can date him, right? She just doesn't get it. What started out with in lies and deceit, will never be good and he'll eventually do the same to her. Not to mention that she will then have played a role in breaking up this family. I don't blame her for not knowing. It's only been a month. I can understand being young and naive and not seeing the signs for one month. But now that she knows, in my opinion, it is inexcusable to even so much as talk to him.

I posted on this board because I am truly having a hard time sitting in the same room as her without wanting to talk some sense into her. We don't live together, but we live in the same neighborhood and we see each other all the time.


You are making this just a bit too much about you. She is very young and the fact that she is discussing this with you tells me she is trying to process it. She has a connection with the guy, emotions are involved, and it's actually perfectly normal to think maybe it can work. You need to be firm with her, but also loving. The most important thing right now is to get her disentangled from this mess.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:37     Subject: Re:I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:OP again.

I get what you mean, PP, about the wife / child being an abstract, but I'm the same age as the wife and my child is the same age as their child, so I would hope that she could empathize a little more.

Also, I get that she was dumped in a shitty way, but they've been dating for one month. I have ketchup in my fridge older than that.


You made this about you. You need to work on your own insecurity and marriage issues rather than focusing your energy on your sister. She is an adult and manage her sex life without you.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:34     Subject: I hate my own sister
I agree with you Op. Him lying to her was wrong. But her staying with him after she knows about the lie makes her an accomplice to the cheating.

I do not think it's a "young and stupid" thing. I think it's a lack of empathy and a willingness to play dirty to get what she wants. She, of course, will likely end up with nothing but a bad reputation and some hard lessons. It is hard to watch a train wreck when the person will do nothing to step out of the way.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:32     Subject: Re:I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You forgot to tell her the most important things. One, the relationship has started out on a lie and he will lie to her with ease in the future. Two, the lack of thought and empathy he displays for his child and family, will soon enough rear its head in her relationship with him. Three, even if his marriage was dead, he comes with a lot of baggage and has had no time to process or reflect.

I would stop the moralizing and try to give her some valuable advice.


Well, yes. It is his complete lack of character combined with her lack of empathy for the young wife and small children of this man and her inability to see this guy for what he really is and how he USED her.

It's just such a mistake on so many levels. If the guy was up front about it all and was legally separated that would be more understandable. But this guy LIED big time.


OP again.

I agree completely, PP. So, she is saying, so if we're in love and he does leave his wife, then I can date him, right? She just doesn't get it. What started out with in lies and deceit, will never be good and he'll eventually do the same to her. Not to mention that she will then have played a role in breaking up this family. I don't blame her for not knowing. It's only been a month. I can understand being young and naive and not seeing the signs for one month. But now that she knows, in my opinion, it is inexcusable to even so much as talk to him.

I posted on this board because I am truly having a hard time sitting in the same room as her without wanting to talk some sense into her. We don't live together, but we live in the same neighborhood and we see each other all the time.

Leave it alone
It will all fall apart on it's own soon enough
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:23     Subject: Re:I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You forgot to tell her the most important things. One, the relationship has started out on a lie and he will lie to her with ease in the future. Two, the lack of thought and empathy he displays for his child and family, will soon enough rear its head in her relationship with him. Three, even if his marriage was dead, he comes with a lot of baggage and has had no time to process or reflect.

I would stop the moralizing and try to give her some valuable advice.


Well, yes. It is his complete lack of character combined with her lack of empathy for the young wife and small children of this man and her inability to see this guy for what he really is and how he USED her.

It's just such a mistake on so many levels. If the guy was up front about it all and was legally separated that would be more understandable. But this guy LIED big time.


OP again.

I agree completely, PP. So, she is saying, so if we're in love and he does leave his wife, then I can date him, right? She just doesn't get it. What started out with in lies and deceit, will never be good and he'll eventually do the same to her. Not to mention that she will then have played a role in breaking up this family. I don't blame her for not knowing. It's only been a month. I can understand being young and naive and not seeing the signs for one month. But now that she knows, in my opinion, it is inexcusable to even so much as talk to him.

I posted on this board because I am truly having a hard time sitting in the same room as her without wanting to talk some sense into her. We don't live together, but we live in the same neighborhood and we see each other all the time.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:22     Subject: I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She's really young. You said your piece and now have to let her make this mistake.


Did OP ever say how old her sister is, or just that she's much younger than OP?


OP again. Suffice it to say she is old enough to drink legally (21) and too young to rent a car on her own (25). I don't want to give an exact age because I feel like I've probably already revealed too much.

OMG OP - she's a baby, she's young and STUPID. I'm a lot older and wiser than she is and remember being in my 20's and doing some very naive, STUPID, and self-destructive stuff when it came to relationships. Yes, being a mistress is morally wrong, NO QUESTION. But do you have no empathy for the fact that your sister is clueless and like I said, stupid at that age. At some point, we all fall over our own feet, have some heart and some empathy. If this was a pattern I could understand your viceral outrage, but dammmmnnn...calm down a bit.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:14     Subject: I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She's really young. You said your piece and now have to let her make this mistake.


Did OP ever say how old her sister is, or just that she's much younger than OP?


OP again. Suffice it to say she is old enough to drink legally (21) and too young to rent a car on her own (25). I don't want to give an exact age because I feel like I've probably already revealed too much.


It's not her age. This is a character flaw.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:13     Subject: Re:I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:You forgot to tell her the most important things. One, the relationship has started out on a lie and he will lie to her with ease in the future. Two, the lack of thought and empathy he displays for his child and family, will soon enough rear its head in her relationship with him. Three, even if his marriage was dead, he comes with a lot of baggage and has had no time to process or reflect.

I would stop the moralizing and try to give her some valuable advice.


Well, yes. It is his complete lack of character combined with her lack of empathy for the young wife and small children of this man and her inability to see this guy for what he really is and how he USED her.

It's just such a mistake on so many levels. If the guy was up front about it all and was legally separated that would be more understandable. But this guy LIED big time.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:11     Subject: I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She's really young. You said your piece and now have to let her make this mistake.


Did OP ever say how old her sister is, or just that she's much younger than OP?


OP again. Suffice it to say she is old enough to drink legally (21) and too young to rent a car on her own (25). I don't want to give an exact age because I feel like I've probably already revealed too much.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:09     Subject: Re:I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:You forgot to tell her the most important things. One, the relationship has started out on a lie and he will lie to her with ease in the future. Two, the lack of thought and empathy he displays for his child and family, will soon enough rear its head in her relationship with him. Three, even if his marriage was dead, he comes with a lot of baggage and has had no time to process or reflect.

I would stop the moralizing and try to give her some valuable advice.


OP again. Thanks. I did tell her the bolded portion but not the third point which is valid. If she deigns to speak to me again, I'll tell her and then I'll be done with it and wash my hands of it all.

I just don't get it. We grew up in a loving family with a very involved set of parents, neither of whom have ever been unfaithful and have had sort of a storybook type marriage. I just don't get where she went off the deep end, but I agree with the PP that she obviously has emotional problems.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:08     Subject: I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:She's really young. You said your piece and now have to let her make this mistake.
+1 I know it's hard to watch but you told her what you thought once and that's all you can do now.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:08     Subject: I hate my own sister
Anonymous wrote:She's really young. You said your piece and now have to let her make this mistake.


Did OP ever say how old her sister is, or just that she's much younger than OP?
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:05     Subject: Re:I hate my own sister
You forgot to tell her the most important things. One, the relationship has started out on a lie and he will lie to her with ease in the future. Two, the lack of thought and empathy he displays for his child and family, will soon enough rear its head in her relationship with him. Three, even if his marriage was dead, he comes with a lot of baggage and has had no time to process or reflect.

I would stop the moralizing and try to give her some valuable advice.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2016 11:04     Subject: I hate my own sister
Maybe the guy's wife doesn't understand him?