Anonymous wrote:So what is an acceptable conversation topic to discuss with parents? The weather, what you ate that day, ...? I generally agree that you should address your problems with the person with whom you have an issue, but sometimes you might need to test out how you address said issue with someone else first.

Anonymous wrote:Better to tell him not to share, OP. It helps set the guidelines.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks - OP here. I don't have any real indicator that he's talked to her about anything recently. It came up a really long time ago about something pretty major. In the context of some troubles we were having, he told her I was pregnant even though we'd agreed not to tell anyone (I may have even posted about this here, I can't remember). About 1.5 years later he told me that, which is when I found out that he talks to her about marital stuff. I overreacted, and basically forbade him to do it going forward. That was all a year ago. We did have at least one conversation since where I softened my position on him talking to her... I think similar to what PP suggested, we agreed in principle that he wouldn't talk to her about something without telling me either before or shortly after. But really we haven't talked about this

Something happened this morning that I would really not want him sharing with her, so it just occurred to me to post, to see how reasonable that feeling was. I don't think I'm going to specifically bring it up with him, I don't have any real reason to think he's doing it.

Anonymous wrote:I would be extremely unhappy about this situation. I don't tell my parents negative things about my spouse because first and foremost I am their child and they, regardless of how old I am, have my interests and my well-being at heart and would most definitely treat my husband differently if I discussed any relationship issues we might be having. I don't want that because I intend to stay married and don't want there to be a strained IL relationship.

My MIL and I already butt heads, she doesn't need any additional ammo to dislike me and make things worse.

Anonymous wrote:Actually, it doesn't really matter how we feel-- what does your DH say when you tell him it makes you uncomfortable? That probably says more about your relationship than his confiding in his mom, which may from his perspective be normal and not unkind. Have you told him it makes you feel awkward/sad and that you would like to be closer to his mom but worry that she knows all of your most private shortfalls and mistakes? (If that's what you feel.)

Anonymous wrote:It seems like MIL is the only one DH ever confides in about his problems. How would you feel about this, particularly when it's about me? It makes me uncomfortable and I don't think I will ever have any kind of warm relationship with MIL because of it.