I agree with PP about causation. All four stay at home mothers in my friend group did so because there was no way to handle two or three kids when their spouses were traveling and working crazy hours at very high-paying jobs. One is in and out of the work force when she can find interesting part-time contracting gigs.

One is planning to go back to work as soon as kids are more independent (late middle school) and two others have been talking to me about how down they have been feeling lately, with late ES/ MS kids and their careers in the rear view. They're getting annoyed when their kids ask them what they do all day.

I think when you hear from women with small kids you'll get a different take on all of this than parents of older kids. The down side of staying at home is more apparent when you're in your 40s, would like to be using your degree and interacting with adults, and the work force has left you behind.

FWIW Nobody I know from my law school class (HLS 1998) is staying at home. Most of my friends work at something we really love. When I win power ball this week I'm still going to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

You have correlation, not causation. Do women with wealthy husbands want to stay at home? Or do they have to because their husband has such a demanding career that they are a de facto single parent? Or is the husband able to put in the sweat equity to reach that point because the wife is a SAHM? Or is there something going on with the demographics of the 1% that is not true of the general population. Your cause and effect is screwy here.

NP. It's probably a little of both like you're saying. But I think there is something to having a lot of money that makes people not want to work. If you could spend your time doing whatever you wanted and face no financial repercussions, wouldn't you do it? You specifically might not but I suspect that the vast majority of people would. MOST people work to earn a paycheck, period. I don't think the PP is talking about average UMC people either but really wealthy 1% types.

It's just that most people can't make money out of doing what they love - not that they don't want to work.

If what you said is true, hedge fund/pe guys would quit after their first billion - not still wake up and 'run money' as Bill Gross would say even at age 70. Tech Billionaires would say 'fuck it' after they IPO'ed. Athletes and coaches wouldn't watch film and do a lot of boring/grinding stuff that comes with being in pro sports (there's a lot of that shit that is mind numbing - recovery, meal watching, training, etc). The moment they signed their 8-9 figure deals, they'd just go through the motions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

You have correlation, not causation. Do women with wealthy husbands want to stay at home? Or do they have to because their husband has such a demanding career that they are a de facto single parent? Or is the husband able to put in the sweat equity to reach that point because the wife is a SAHM? Or is there something going on with the demographics of the 1% that is not true of the general population. Your cause and effect is screwy here.

NP. It's probably a little of both like you're saying. But I think there is something to having a lot of money that makes people not want to work. If you could spend your time doing whatever you wanted and face no financial repercussions, wouldn't you do it? You specifically might not but I suspect that the vast majority of people would. MOST people work to earn a paycheck, period. I don't think the PP is talking about average UMC people either but really wealthy 1% types.

Start by looking for a woman, and not a girl, FFS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

You have correlation, not causation. Do women with wealthy husbands want to stay at home? Or do they have to because their husband has such a demanding career that they are a de facto single parent? Or is the husband able to put in the sweat equity to reach that point because the wife is a SAHM? Or is there something going on with the demographics of the 1% that is not true of the general population. Your cause and effect is screwy here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Thanks for looking at SAHMing so cynically. My dad was a big law partner. My mom SAHMd. She made his career earning lots of money possible. She wasn't laying around eating bon bons. She was busy taking us to schools, sports, monitoring homework, taking us to medical appointments, showing up for our events, hosting parties and playdates for us, paying bills, doing all the grocery shopping, meal planning, meal making, meal clean up, supervision of all household staff, maintenance of all family relationships, and being caretaker of all when my Dad traveled for work, hosting business associates, etc. My mom worked as hard as my dad for his Big Law salary. He never would have been able to put in the high number of billable hours required for Big Law partnership if my Mom hadn't been picking up the slack. She's never been able to "do her own thing" unless she squeezed it into the little time she had when she wasn't serving her husband or kids.

Why are you feeding this troll?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Check out the stats on SAHMs. It is U shaped which means it goes up tremendously once the person with a job starts making a lot of money (say, 500k +). Rich wives have always opted to do their own thing when they can. Some have "hobby" careers, like a little boutique, but they don't expect it to make any money. Some volunteer extensively.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Umm no. Many women are highly educated and find work to be fulfilling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Ooh, please link to the source for your statement that "most women want to stay home." I'd love to see it!

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.

+ 1.

Most women want to stay home but can't because their spouses do not earn enough.

Law school

This is a very sad thread! Nothing wrong with being a homemaker but I hope you are looking for more in a person than a new Mom for you!

Ugghh.

If you and the woman you marry decide that the best division of shared family responsibility is for her to be a SAHM, that's great. But a "girl" who wants to be a "homemaker"? Just no. This is your life partner, who is a multidimensional person, and whose goals and ambitions may change over time.

Otherwise, just get a mail order bride.

You are getting a lot of unfair comments. My wife is a SAHM. A lot of women become SAHMs without knowing it is a choice they would make when they are single. My DW is a lawyer, so she has earning power.

The number 1 factor is YOUR income. You need to make a lot of money so your future wife's decision whether SHE wants to stay home is made without regard to money.