Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 21:32     Subject: Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
"Larla, haven't you figured out by now that this is a party FOR you and not planned by you?! It will be lovely, I promise." Said super upbeat and with a smile.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 17:52     Subject: Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
Anonymous wrote:I'm planning/coordinating the baby shower for my SIL and she's starting to get controlling. How do I politely tell her to relax? She was like this with her wedding, everything needing to be perfect and not letting anyone else handle any tasks, that it got so bad that she gave herself heart problems. While I appreciate having feedback on what she wants or doesn't want because it is really helpful, it's starting to feel like I'm getting dictated to. I'm happy to host the shower for her but if she's going to say it must be this theme, these colors, decorations, here's the menu then it feels like I'm just a checkbook. I'm trying to find the right words to say, I love you, I will make this special for you and not make this some gaudy affair, so please provide ideas on what you would like and definitely not like, but please don't control this and let someone take care of you!


There you already said it. Be brave and tactful but say it. I don't understand why people are so scared of saying what they think. We would all have less problems if we could just be direct and honest vs politely smiling and hating each other. Seems easier to just tell her how you feel.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 15:44     Subject: Re:Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely understand where you're coming from, and I would be feeling similarly frustrated. That said, you know this is how she is, and it's unlikely she's going to change for this event. Perhaps part of your gift to her can be to just forgive her need to control, and roll with it as much as possible.

And then know you shouldn't plan any celebrations for her in the future.


This to the 400th power. You KNOW this is how she is - she showed you once. Did you think it would be different for a baby shower? I am assuming you volunteered to host the shower? Suck it up and stay within your budget.

Don't plan/co-plan/whatever anything with her/for her in the future.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 15:04     Subject: Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
Relatives should not host baby showers. Tell her this and then. maybe, she can find, or hire, a friend to play hostess for her.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 13:58     Subject: Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, quit spoiling for a fight. You're essentially saying she can't have her theme, colors, menu, etc. for her shower because you want your theme, colors, menu, etc. She cares, it's her shower, so let her have it. And I say this as someone who offered zero input into my baby shower.


No. You don't get to be so rude. People have lost all sense of tact. You can either by the host or honoree. Not both. And if you are the honoree, you smile and say thank you.


No kidding! Tell her to host her own party if she needs to control all the details.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 13:33     Subject: Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I'm a perfectionist and and usually visualize exactly what I want for a party or special occasion.

So if I were hosting something special for a friend, I would understand their need to have complete control over the decor, theme, colors, food, presentation, etc. I would actually expect that they dictate! It's their moment, and unless there's a risk of damage to your home or going overbudget, there shouldn't be a fight over who's choosing what.

Is she not communicating well? You're not her slave, and she's not your boss. She needs to send you pictures and specifics with gratitude that you are putting this together for her. "Here's my dream shower (pics) and a list of where to get all the stuff. What I can do to help you? Thank you so much."



I disagree. If someone is hosting a party in my honor, I would expect to be consulted on major decisions, but not every detail. That's ungrateful, and basically just using someone as a checkbook/party planner. You should trust your friends to host a nice event, and you should allow them to give it to you as a gift. If she's not the boss, then she shouldn't be sending OP a set of directions and expecting the OP to just follow them. One or two big things? Sure. "I've always preferred co-ed showers," or "I hate this particular shower game," or "It's really important to me that my grandmother can come." But dictating the food, decorations, etc.? Back off, or throw your own damn party.

Also, who the fuck has a "dream shower"? And isn't the "theme" "Larla is having a baby?" This isn't a kid's birthday party, after all.


+1 to all these things. She needs to relaaaax. Maybe talk to her husband? And I would say something although the lines of "this is my gift to you to show you how much I care about you so that you can relax and enjoy the love. I have heard all your thoughts, and I'll take it from here so all you need to do is just show up."


+1000. The honoree certainly should have input and be able to decide the major elements, as the PP stated. It's not fun to execute someone else's orders. It takes the joy out of the process, and it eliminates the hostess's ability to put her own creativity into this gift. I had a similar situation with my good friend's shower. She had a great time, so in the end, that was great, but I did not enjoy much about the whole process. It ended up feeling like an annoying obligation instead of my gift to her.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 13:27     Subject: Re:Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
Some people just pay more attention to detail, and others who are just thankful for whatever they get. I am an event planner by trade, and I have a very specific theme that I want for my shower. Whoever throws it, I will pass along the theme information, and being that they know me, they would make sure I like it. However, I would not be involved in the day to day of planning it. I personally think that's fair.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 13:22     Subject: Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
Anonymous wrote:How do I politely tell her to relax?


"SIL, this shower is my gift to you. I promise it will be lovely, and you don't have to handle any details. Smooches, Larla"
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 13:07     Subject: Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
Anonymous wrote:OP, quit spoiling for a fight. You're essentially saying she can't have her theme, colors, menu, etc. for her shower because you want your theme, colors, menu, etc. She cares, it's her shower, so let her have it. And I say this as someone who offered zero input into my baby shower.


No. You don't get to be so rude. People have lost all sense of tact. You can either by the host or honoree. Not both. And if you are the honoree, you smile and say thank you.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2016 12:59     Subject: Planning baby shower and mom-to-be is becoming controlling
OP, quit spoiling for a fight. You're essentially saying she can't have her theme, colors, menu, etc. for her shower because you want your theme, colors, menu, etc. She cares, it's her shower, so let her have it. And I say this as someone who offered zero input into my baby shower.