I'd slowly start sharing less about vacation planning with them / do you take three weeks a year? I'd book them all out and then when speaking with them let them know you can't make the annual July 4th tripor whatever so they can invite others - we keep things very need to know with my in laws who have a few houses in v desirable vacation locations but we are never sure if we can handle it or not!!

Beaches can have different types of sand, surf, shelling, parking, crowds, concessions, clean bathrooms, etc.

Maybe you prefer a less crowded beach or one that is better for shelling or water sports or any number of reasons.

No is a complete sentence.

You're allowed to go on your own vacation, even to a beach, but why tell them if you don't have to? It will just ruffle their feathers.

Anonymous wrote:Can go on vacation to a non-beach destination and tell them you want to do something different than a beach.
There are so many great options that don't involve a beach.

Why should she have to go on a non-beach vacation because of them? My in-laws have a two time-shares in the same location (weird) and want us to spend two weeks with them. I tell them I can't use all my leave on them only, we have my family as well, and want to take vacations with just us.

We had that situation and it really wasn't an issue. In laws lived near Lewes and we vacationed on Cape Cod. We started doing that from year 1 so that made it easier-we didn't change the game part way through. They were close enough that we could go for weekends so that helped.

Are you close enough you could do a weekend trip to see them, and the beach trip somewhere else later? Is the beach near something historic that you can say you want your kids to see, like Kitty Hawk? A huge point of my family vacations is taking my son around to see different parts of the country. So I use this excuse all the time. My mom does have a beach house in Bethany and we do get down there for a weekend here or there. But the big vacation trip is usually somewhere else.

[quote=Anonymous]A few years ago my parents retired to a beach town. A nice beach town that gets mentioned a lot on DCUM. Problem is, they think that means every single vacation or holiday we of course will want to spend it with them. They are great grandparents to the kids, but our relationship is stressful. Visiting them is NOT a vacation for DH and me.

DH and I are considering a beach vacation this year for the first time since they moved, and we don't want it to be with them. We've been there and would like to try a new destination, just us and our kids. Trust me, I have a backbone and say no to my parents regularly on a multitude of issues, but for some reason I'm dreading the argument and hurt feelings when we tell them that we're headed to the beach for a week but not "their' beach.

Any BTDT advice on how to smooth ruffled feathers?[/quote]

How often do you normally visit them and how often do they normally visit you- regardless f your or their location?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"This year we're going to Lewes (or wherever) for a change of pace. Thank you for the invitation, though!"

Agreed.

Plus, send your kids to them (solo) for a week or two. Now that's a nice vacation for you.

OP, can you trust your parents to watch them every single second while in the water? For me, this is why I would never ever do this. I can't trust parents on either side to be vigilant.

+1 but, my parents would never take them to the ocean (and the live in a beach town). They'd bring them to a local pond/lake. And only in the morning when it's not too hot and not crowded.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"This year we're going to Lewes (or wherever) for a change of pace. Thank you for the invitation, though!"

Agreed.

Plus, send your kids to them (solo) for a week or two. Now that's a nice vacation for you.

OP, can you trust your parents to watch them every single second while in the water? For me, this is why I would never ever do this. I can't trust parents on either side to be vigilant.

+1
I never realized what a problem it was going to be until the day we went to the beach for the first time in front of their brand new 4K sq foot beach house.
They actually kept insisting I sit down and relax as my 2 year old was in the water, and would.not.stop.

A beach nightmare where there is no fence between the house and the beach, meaning a level of attention that sucks the joy out of every visit. If people would just close the door or the gate that would be a start.

I feel you PP and OP