Anonymous wrote:More info...kids are 3 and 2. He has a 2 door car and we swapped so he could drop the kids off at daycare while I'm off and wants to have some alone time. The car is from way before we met and he drives it to and from work exclusively since he totalled the suv. I can't come up with anyone that would borrow it, friends have their own cars and nieces or nephews are too young to drive.

Condom is in a gold wrapper. I know if I confront him he'll probably deny or says it's his friends left it there as a joke. Theres an understanding between us that we would devorce before committing adultery.

My wife and I have the same understanding. I had a brief affair several years ago when the kids were about same ages (sex life dried up, not making excuses, just explaining, yes I was an idiot). Wife found a bad text on my phone, chose to believe my explanation. We are still married, happily. I think these things are very common for men in the pregnancy and early childhood years (again, not excusing). I feel for you, but if your marriage is otherwise sound, do you really want to divorce over this?

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. Keep strong and start sleuthing.

I would put spy wear on his computer. Go through his credit card and bank records. Is he on FB? Hire a PI if you need evidence..

Why not just divorce him now? Why waste all this time and effort? It's no fault divorce.

Honestly, do people do this? Spend the rest of their waking hours sleuthing their spouses just so they can prove infidelity? Put it this way, you spy on him and catch him, you have gained nothing, you are still divorced. You spy on him and you turn up nothing but he catches you spying, you gain nothing and end up divorced. If infidelity of any kind is your deal breaker, just divorce, and don't remarry.

More info...kids are 3 and 2. He has a 2 door car and we swapped so he could drop the kids off at daycare while I'm off and wants to have some alone time. The car is from way before we met and he drives it to and from work exclusively since he totalled the suv. I can't come up with anyone that would borrow it, friends have their own cars and nieces or nephews are too young to drive.

Condom is in a gold wrapper. I know if I confront him he'll probably deny or says it's his friends left it there as a joke. Theres an understanding between us that we would devorce before committing adultery.

It's a possibility during the collision the condom flew out of the other car and landed in your husband's suv...

Anonymous wrote:OP ask yourself first: what do you want? Do you want a divorce?

If so, take a photo and then put it back inside the glove box. Don't mention anything to your DH. Next, you'll want to collect more evidence so start examining cell phone bills, his phone, email, and internet browser history. Get it all together and take screenshots and copies of all digital media. Get copies of all financial records - you want a full accounting of all his accounts and assets. Take all this to a lawyer and discuss your options.

If you don't want to get divorced, I'd simply confront DH. Don't even bother snooping for more information; finding out the full extent will just drive you crazy. Ignorance is bliss, if you're trying to keep the marriage going IMHO. I'd just want to know (1.) an admission that he cheated and (2.) that it's over. Then get into marriage counseling ASAP.

This is the best advice here. Anonymous posters will cheer you on to DIVORCE! CONFRONT! like your life is some reality show. Which these anonymous posters will turn off and return to their lives, blissfully unaware their spouses have also cheated and they are none the wiser.

I see the consensus here is to go into full-fledged Nancy Drew mode and start gathering clues but I strongly suggest against it.
Confront him.
Why?
Because odds are you're going to walk around for weeks, months even with your mind going in a million different directions on a daily basis not to mention your emotions from doing your undercover detective work.
Why is that a bad thing?
Because once you start your undercover investigating its not going to be limited to checking his phone and his computer...you're going to end up checking his mannerisms, his gestures, his posture - everything. Trying to find proof of his infidelity is going to become an obsession.
What's wrong with trying to uncover the truth?
Well if there is no hidden truth to be uncovered then YOU will be the one who'll be acting strange, not him and YOU will be the one ultimately under suspicion, not him.
Do you really want to go from being the plaintiff to the defendant?
That's what's going to happen when he's like, "Honey you need to do something about your mood swings have you thought of getting help?" and out comes "I FOUND A CONDOM IN YOUR GLOVE COMPARTMENT 6 MONTHS AGO, WHO IS SHE?!!!!"

You're going to look like a friggin nut.
Confront him now.
Don't look like a friggin nut months later.

Anonymous wrote:+ 1 research before confront. Cheaters lie and lie and lie. Get the facts first.

Agree.

Condoms don't last 8 years. But the expiration can be 4-5. Did you use condoms at any point in that time frame? Postpartum or anything?

I'm sorry OP. Keep strong and start sleuthing.

I would put spy wear on his computer. Go through his credit card and bank records. Is he on FB? Hire a PI if you need evidence..

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry.

A couple of years before my mom died I went to get my dad's car registration out of his glove compartment so she could finish some paperwork.

I opened the glove compartment and at least a dozen wrapped condoms fell out.

She said she would put the registration back but I hung around and did it for her so she wouldn't see what was inside. As far as I know she didn't find out before she died. I have only shared this info with one of my siblings, and this was several years after she passed away.

I am sorry OP. That is a shocking thing to find in the car.

I am really sorry about this story, PP. It could be, however, that she and your dad used these condoms together.

OP ask yourself first: what do you want? Do you want a divorce?

If so, take a photo and then put it back inside the glove box. Don't mention anything to your DH. Next, you'll want to collect more evidence so start examining cell phone bills, his phone, email, and internet browser history. Get it all together and take screenshots and copies of all digital media. Get copies of all financial records - you want a full accounting of all his accounts and assets. Take all this to a lawyer and discuss your options.

If you don't want to get divorced, I'd simply confront DH. Don't even bother snooping for more information; finding out the full extent will just drive you crazy. Ignorance is bliss, if you're trying to keep the marriage going IMHO. I'd just want to know (1.) an admission that he cheated and (2.) that it's over. Then get into marriage counseling ASAP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We swapped cars today and when I got in, I reached over to close the opened glove compartment and found it there. I hardly ever drive his car or sit in it as a passenger since we have kids and I'm not sure how long it's been there. I don't know to think or if I should confront him or how to confront him. The condom has an expiration date of 10/2016, we've been married for 8 years and our youngest is barely 2. We've been busy with kids but he had a period of unemployment, totaled his SUV and we've been exclusively using my car when going out as a family.

I'm so confused right now.

Omg tgey hand them out downtown all the time - what does it look like?
Sample type or part of a multipack that you would buy at the grocery store?
Colored or plain? Please describe the condom ...

Also - how old is your oldest kid?

I went to the gay pride parade with friends (& saw other families there) and got tons of them - even though we don't even use them.
They were colored, said obscene things on them and they threw them at us along with candy and beads... I took them all home.
I guess I'm a bad wife - maybe I should check for old DCUM postings from my husband ...(I found beads & condoms that say 'fuk it' what does this mean??!!).

Anonymous wrote:We swapped cars today and when I got in, I reached over to close the opened glove compartment and found it there. I hardly ever drive his car or sit in it as a passenger since we have kids and I'm not sure how long it's been there. I don't know to think or if I should confront him or how to confront him. The condom has an expiration date of 10/2016, we've been married for 8 years and our youngest is barely 2. We've been busy with kids but he had a period of unemployment, totaled his SUV and we've been exclusively using my car when going out as a family.

I'm so confused right now.

Omg tgey hand them out downtown all the time - what does it look like?
Sample type or part of a multipack that you would buy at the grocery store?
Colored or plain? Please describe the condom ...

I would dig a little for sure. Sorry OP - this would bother me.

+ 1 research before confront. Cheaters lie and lie and lie. Get the facts first.