Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kids were good students, with a good head on their shoulders and a good plan for their future I'd help however I could. Why wouldnt you?

I can see arguments either way but at the end of the day I agree with this.

In my family 1 kid went to a cheap grad school, one kid went to an expensive grad school and one skipped grad school. I think my parents helped the two who went to grad school, and has helped the other kid send their kids to private school. I dont think anyone is keeping score-- rather my parents value education and would prefer their kids not go into debt for it if they can avoid it without sacrifice.

But your parents helped each of their children with something education-related. OP appears to be talking about offering grad school money to only one child, and not the other.

The second kid just started UG and who knows if/when/where she'll go to grad school. Point is, if I could help easily with grad school I would and I wouldnt worry about how its going to even out over the next 10 years-- I would judge that its a reasonable thing to help my kid get established in life.

The second child is going for engineering so grad school is less likely but still a possibility sometime down the road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kids were good students, with a good head on their shoulders and a good plan for their future I'd help however I could. Why wouldnt you?

I can see arguments either way but at the end of the day I agree with this.

In my family 1 kid went to a cheap grad school, one kid went to an expensive grad school and one skipped grad school. I think my parents helped the two who went to grad school, and has helped the other kid send their kids to private school. I dont think anyone is keeping score-- rather my parents value education and would prefer their kids not go into debt for it if they can avoid it without sacrifice.

But your parents helped each of their children with something education-related. OP appears to be talking about offering grad school money to only one child, and not the other.

The second kid just started UG and who knows if/when/where she'll go to grad school. Point is, if I could help easily with grad school I would and I wouldnt worry about how its going to even out over the next 10 years-- I would judge that its a reasonable thing to help my kid get established in life.

Tuition alone will run about $75K for the two years.

And, in my opinion, she will make a very good living afterwards. Of course make sure she knows the reality, that she understands her loan debt and what that will mean for her lifestyle and choices. How about this ~ she takes out the loans and you - privately - reconsider your decision once #2 is through school. What you wouldn't want is #2 to expect grad school to be paid for for a far less marketable degree (unlike PA) on top of expensive UG.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kids were good students, with a good head on their shoulders and a good plan for their future I'd help however I could. Why wouldnt you?

I can see arguments either way but at the end of the day I agree with this.

In my family 1 kid went to a cheap grad school, one kid went to an expensive grad school and one skipped grad school. I think my parents helped the two who went to grad school, and has helped the other kid send their kids to private school. I dont think anyone is keeping score-- rather my parents value education and would prefer their kids not go into debt for it if they can avoid it without sacrifice.

But your parents helped each of their children with something education-related. OP appears to be talking about offering grad school money to only one child, and not the other.

Anonymous wrote:If my kids were good students, with a good head on their shoulders and a good plan for their future I'd help however I could. Why wouldnt you?

I can see arguments either way but at the end of the day I agree with this.

In my family 1 kid went to a cheap grad school, one kid went to an expensive grad school and one skipped grad school. I think my parents helped the two who went to grad school, and has helped the other kid send their kids to private school. I dont think anyone is keeping score-- rather my parents value education and would prefer their kids not go into debt for it if they can avoid it without sacrifice.

Anonymous wrote:Op, has she already been accepted?

She has been accepted. Tuition alone will run about $75K for the two years.

Op, has she already been accepted?

Anonymous wrote:No. It will teach your kids to keep score.

Learn from your mistakes.

For their wedding give a certain amount of money, don't offer to pay and have 1 elope and the other have an big Greek wedding.

OP here. It was NOT a mistake. We would have paid for Older daughter to attend private UG, but her top choice was an instate school.

Op, in case you want to feel better about not paying, I'll add this ~ by your DD choosing the particular state school she did, it may have helped with acceptance into PA school. That's where the road led. Do not feel bad that her UG didn't cost as much. It certainly has provided a wonderful opportunity for you daughter.

My parents also said they'd pay for undergrad, but not grad school. They inherited a rather tidy sum of money to be able to do this. When I decided to go to grad school, it never crossed my mind to ask they to pay for it--even though by that point, both of my brothers had rather spectacular flamed out of higher education and I, looking back now, suspect there was quite of bit of money that was never used for education. But, they allowed me to graduate from college with very minimal debt! That alone was worth it. I paid for grad school myself.

Nope, you'd be setting yourselves up for a whole lot of justified resentment. You told both kids they were on their own for grad school, no exceptions. No one forced your oldest to go in-state, that was entirely her decision because that's where she wanted to be, and you've made no suggestion that it was done as a generosity to you, to save you money. Now that they've both made irrevocable choices (even if the younger were to transfer, there's still that year of private costs they've incurred), it's not fair to change the rules in a way to benefits only one of them. It'll smack an awful lot of favoritism. If you have extra cash you didn't anticipate and want to do something for your kids with it, make it available to both of them in equal amounts for grad school, or give it as a nest egg when they graduate.

Funny, we paid for our oldest to go to Notre Dame while the other went to a private school one year that was too easy so transferred back to a top state school. Without saying so we did help her out in graduate school years with purchase of a basic car which did even things out more or less. She chose BU for a well regarded professional grad school program and owed $55,000 which she paid off down to $7,000 in eight years+ years including marrying, getting a first home and having two kids all from her paycheck and wanted to continue when DH wisely said just to get rid of the debt. Meanwhile our oldest daughter was mostly funded at a top other state school in her field and owed maybe $20,000 and while three years ahead in school finally paid of her little balance while earning a lot more. We actually did pay just about the same for both girls weddings since in our home town, same location and similar vendors. The key is often not what is offered as much as whether the college student/young adult learns how to handle money.

I would

No. It will teach your kids to keep score.

Learn from your mistakes.

For their wedding give a certain amount of money, don't offer to pay and have 1 elope and the other have an big Greek wedding.

This was me, though I was the second child. My brother went to Notre Dame full pay, and I went to an out of state state school with partial scholarships (prob paid about 9000$/yr). My parents gave me enough money for grad school so that I only needed the subsidized govt loans for 2 years--very manageable to pay off. My brother chose a career where he was able to be a grad assistant to pay for grad school (not avail in my field). I thought it was great (of course!)