Spending is like a virus. Being immersed in a group who value spending money resets your concept of what is reasonable spending. You need to spend time with others who are frugal or dedicate some time to reading about it so you don't get polluted by the attitudes of those around you.

The fact that you are frugal means that you have been thoughtful about money. Many folks, even those who should know better often go along with everyone else because the thinking now is "what's the point of having money if people don't realize i do?". Isn't that kind of pathetic?

As my dh and I approach retirement age, we are stunned by the number of people around us who are unprepared. Even for those who do save, they may not realize that one serious illness in your family can destroy the savings you do have.

I am older and have have seen several neighbors on my small street lose their houses. One of the couples were obnoxious in their need to show off. In the past character, industriousness etc were valued in our country. Now fronting is the distinguishing characteristic of our country.

And btw, your friends are rude.

One funny thing that has helped Dh and I save is our inability to commit. Big ticket items we need to buy take a long time for us. If we have an emergency repair to make to the house, car etc, it is done immediately. Any other big ticket item, we spend time researching and thinking about. I replaced my 14 year old car recently but I started looking 3 years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I try to live below our means. This year we bought a house that cost way less than we could afford. We're still driving old used cars. Etc. I'm usually pretty good about resisting peer pressure. I'm a lawyer and our HHI is over 300k and have friends kind of balk about our vacation (cheap, local) and other choices and point blank ask me why I don't upgrade considering my income. Our goal is financial independence, earlier retirement, funding kid's college fund -- those kinds of things -- rather than a nicer house, cars, whatever. Occasionally I find it tough to resist the pressure -- like I find myself obsessed with renovating this or that when it's not necessary and probably a bad investment at our home's price point. My question is -- if you have similar goals to us, what do you tell yourself to keep yourself in line?? I usually pull myself back from the brink but it's tough to stay disciplined. Tips welcome!

You need new friends. Why do your friends know what your income is, anyway?

They ask! Which I do find kinda tacky (esp. Because it's pretty easy to google what a biglaw person makes so I wish they'd just do that insead of making it a convo) but no one's perfect.

A question does not warrant an answer. Don't answer questions you don't want to answer.

OP here. Ok, whatever, that's not really the point of my post. Thanks for everyone who gave helpful tips!

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who posted about saving all of our bonuses. I've seen WAY too many people in our types of job (spouse and I both have jobs where bonuses and incentive pay are part of income) that live really large in a few good bonus/incentive years and then can't maintain their lifestyle when the bad years come along, or struggle to do so.

Sales family here. We are the same way. Just got my last check and I made 90k in base and 195k in comission. I save all, but 25k of that comission.

DH is in sales as well and we live in his base as well. We live in a different world as compared to our colleagues. However our income can be a roller-coaster or we can easily get fired without ceremony of we don't hit goal and we'd prefer to have to suffer a job loss without any financial stress.

Surrounding yourself with people who make more than you is a sure way to feel poor even when you have a lot.

Surrounding yourself with people who make less (or live on less) is a sure way to feel rich.

It may be hard to avoid the co-workers who live large and therefore you are inclined to compare yourself to them. Do your kids go to private school? Again, you will be surrounded by the richy rich mentality... spend more, live higher! If your kids friends and your friends think it is a treat to go to Ocean City, you won't feel bad about not going to Hawaii! Wealth is relative once you get above 100K. We feel very fortunate and somewhat wealthy... our HHI is $193K. We save about $50K every year (in addition to retirement savings taken from paycheck). We live on $60K for all our vacations and repairs and comsumption.

We own our home and cars outright. Kids go to public school.

We aren't rich for this area, but we feel like we are. It's all relative.

As for practical tips, I would suggest writing down your goals and writing out how your savings each month (or earnings) are helping you get there (i.e. goal of having X in savings by 2025.... saving $2000/mo. =$24K/yr = .... )

Write out the goals and the small steps that will get you there. That will help you feel like you are following a defined plan rather than just some nebulous pie in the sky, vague dream.

OP, you need new friends. I am exactly like you, we make less though. I am quite frugal but love to think about renovating, taking trips, spending on kids. I enjoy the budgeting game, which makes it easier. For instance we set a budget for winter break activities and had to get creative to stay within it. Those were my kids' favorite activities. Just kidding about the new friends but even though my friends aren't materialistic I find support by reading bogleheads and mr money mustache forums. I'm not as extreme or disciplined as those folks but it gives me motivation.

Reading personal finance blogs helps me stay focused. They are generally more extreme savers than we are, although we're doing very well. One of my favorites is http://www.frugalwoods.com/ (although they aren't posing much themselves right now because they just had a baby)

I'm the PP who posted about saving all of our bonuses. I've seen WAY too many people in our types of job (spouse and I both have jobs where bonuses and incentive pay are part of income) that live really large in a few good bonus/incentive years and then can't maintain their lifestyle when the bad years come along, or struggle to do so.

Like the PP said, you may lose your job tomorrow. Then what would happen to your family? Focus on paying off your house early as possible and max contribute to your retirement accounts and save for emergencies. If you have anything left after paying other bills, you can blow the remainder as you wish. Guilt free. DH and I used to bank my income and lived off his until our house was paid off.

For me: I just hate accumulating "stuff" and then having to get rid of old "stuff." For every thing I buy, I think "Do I really need this? Is this really going to improve my wardrobe/home/etc? If it is not, I put it back. There are very few things I regret *not* buying. I also keep a (short) running list of things I would like to buy in my mind when I am out shopping, and if I see a great deal for something on my list, I buy it. I make use of really good coupons, like 10 out of 10 at department stores, and I will find a way to only spend 11, use the coupon, and leave.

For a lot of things, I DIY. DH and I DIY most of our lawn work, home improvement projects, and home decorating projects. I feel like this slows down our spending because we are pre-occupied by different projects/activities every season.

For large ticket items, I find a deal. I buy most of my furniture from estate sales or craigslist, I live in a less expensive part of the region, I use my cars until they are unusable.

It all sounds more onerous on paper than it actually is. My life is actually very relaxed, because we spend less than we earn, and have relatively laid back jobs. Accumulating travel "experiences" or "stuff" is just not a priority.

MY tip: I have everything sent to savings. I save about 35% of my income in my 401K, etc. So I'm basically left with very little to live. And that is what you need to do to save. I don't think to myself, "hey , I need to lower my 401 K contribution". I think, "I am running out of money this month" And then I stop spending.

Set a realistic budget and stick with it.

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM secret is a really high HHI. Really easy to live on one income of 150K+ and bankroll the second. This doesn't really apply to couples each making 50K.

We weren't born rich. We didn't graduate from college debt-free and walk into a $100k job. But, whatever. Sounds like you've convinced yourself you've got it all figured out. Basically, it's easy for everyone else but hard for you. Ok.

Wait. Adults feel peer pressure? This is Brand New Information to me.

I just do what's good for my family and don't worry about what anyone else is doing. If someone asks why I don't go to France instead of going to Quebec, I just say I want to go to Canada. What's the big deal?

The DCUM secret is a really high HHI. Really easy to live on one income of 150K+ and bankroll the second. This doesn't really apply to couples each making 50K.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I try to live below our means. This year we bought a house that cost way less than we could afford. We're still driving old used cars. Etc. I'm usually pretty good about resisting peer pressure. I'm a lawyer and our HHI is over 300k and have friends kind of balk about our vacation (cheap, local) and other choices and point blank ask me why I don't upgrade considering my income. Our goal is financial independence, earlier retirement, funding kid's college fund -- those kinds of things -- rather than a nicer house, cars, whatever. Occasionally I find it tough to resist the pressure -- like I find myself obsessed with renovating this or that when it's not necessary and probably a bad investment at our home's price point. My question is -- if you have similar goals to us, what do you tell yourself to keep yourself in line?? I usually pull myself back from the brink but it's tough to stay disciplined. Tips welcome!

You need new friends. Why do your friends know what your income is, anyway?

They ask! Which I do find kinda tacky (esp. Because it's pretty easy to google what a biglaw person makes so I wish they'd just do that insead of making it a convo) but no one's perfect.

A question does not warrant an answer. Don't answer questions you don't want to answer.