Anonymous wrote:Just make sure you have a solid backup plan if things go sour. The Christmas comment makes her sound like a control freak.

+1
That and the fact that when they found out you were pregnant they moved from out of town to your neighborhood!?

My friend had a terrible experience with her parents constantly complaining about her choices, pushing back against her, talking about her to other family members in a negative light, and generally trying to "take over" as the child's parents and doing whatever they wanted. Her parents were also exhausted, I don't think they realized what day in/day out care of a baby entailed after all those years of being away from babies.

Some thugs to consider since we do have a good story to tell. It is very important to discuss details such as vacations- if your parents want to go on vacation, you will then have to take leave during that time. We really try to coordinate our vacations at the same time so it is a win win. Make sure your mom goes to the pediatrician visits so she is hearing the same info that you and your husband do. It will make sure you are all on the same page. Have them go to infant cpr classes with you. Make sure they get their flu shots and other vaccines that may need to be updated. The biggest thing I regret is not insisting on more socialization. Since you will be saving on daycare fees, make sure to enroll your child in some classes for socialization. My child struggles since grandma has been her whole world. It is funny, the grandma who watches our children is jealous of the other grandma far away because she gets to come in, spoil, have fun and then leave. Whereas the grandma who watches the children has to discipline and the days are very long. We don't ever use grandma to babysit on weekends or evenings because she is just too tired by then. So that may be a downside.

Just make sure you have a solid backup plan if things go sour. The Christmas comment makes her sound like a control freak.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has watched our DD from 4 months to 2 years 4 days a week. She now goes to preschool 2 days a week and my mom watches her the rest of the time . When our second child is born next spring, DD1 will start full time preschool and my mom will watch #2 until he/she's about 18 months again. It's sometimes a struggle because my mom can be moody and a bit over protective. BUT the sheer amount of money we've saved is amazing. Plus I never worriy about my daughter because I know she's in good hands. We do pay her $50 a week to cover gas and other expenses but that's a personal decision.

Using your mother is truly disgusting.

Such a sad attitude. Plenty of parents WANT to do this for their kids. Mine didn't because they travel a lot, which is also fine. But they fill in on sick days and teacher workdays all the time. They are happy to do it and I'm very grateful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have good experiences to share?

My parents (active, late 50's) sold their house and moved cross country to my neighborhood when we got pregnant. They're adamant that they want to care for our baby after my maternity leave ends and until the baby goes to preschool. I knew they wanted to be involved, but I was kind of blown away by this. Mom is retired, but spent her life around small children and dad teleworks full time.

We have an excellent relationship, but I just wonder how much control I lose over the baby? It also puts them on a very unequal ground with DH's parents (who both work and don't live nearby). Mom's first reaction when we said we were pregnant was how excited she was that now we won't travel to my inlaws for Christmas every other year and we'll stay home and she can see us every Christmas.

Anyone who says "we're pregnant" is a control freak. You will have horrendous problems.

I think you misread the post (unless you are calling OP a control freak). Her mother did not say We're pregnant - the OP and her husband announced we're pregnant and the mother said she was excited that they wouldn't be travelling to the inlaws for Christmas every other year.

That being said, your mom sounds really excited, but a little one can be overwhelming and she may not take care of the baby the way you want - which could make for some difficult conversations. Also, as the baby gets older and more mobile, the group setting of a daycare is nice. Does your mom know anyone in the area? Will the baby be her entire World? I only ask because I know of other grandmothers that have made their grandchildren their entire world- and it can be kind of unhealthy. I think a couple days of daycare and a couple days with mom might provide a decent balance - but tread carefully - from what I am reading, your mother may have or develop boundary issues.

PP here. I'm white if that matters. And my grandma was newly retired and had been a widow for many years. My parents marriage was rocky and they divorced when I was about two.

I'll answer from the other side of this. I was cared for a great deal by my grandmother when I was little, particularly as an infant. I went to an in home day care part of the time when I was older and stayed with grandma (and an aunt that lived with her) part of the time. I was always very close to them as a result (and in particular my grandma.) As an adult I cherish the time I was able to spend with my grandma and all of the really practical things I learned like how to bake bread, how to stew a chicken, how to make homemade chicken noodle soup and things like that. For me, it was invaluable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has watched our DD from 4 months to 2 years 4 days a week. She now goes to preschool 2 days a week and my mom watches her the rest of the time . When our second child is born next spring, DD1 will start full time preschool and my mom will watch #2 until he/she's about 18 months again. It's sometimes a struggle because my mom can be moody and a bit over protective. BUT the sheer amount of money we've saved is amazing. Plus I never worriy about my daughter because I know she's in good hands. We do pay her $50 a week to cover gas and other expenses but that's a personal decision.

Using your mother is truly disgusting.

Really?? My mother has bee retired for 3 years and begged me to do this. My grandmother did the same for me and I didn't start preschool until age 4. We are AA this it's very common in our circle/community.

Different poster - I'm AA too and my mother wanted to do this for us. We declined because she lives about an hour away and wanted to spend the nights during the week, but we don't have a guest room, my company heavily subsidizes daycare. Instead, she helps out when DS is sick or when one of us travels for work. I am amazed at how helpful she can be, even when she drives me nuts, but people do what's best for them and I love my mom for doing this for us.

There is NOTHING disgusting about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has watched our DD from 4 months to 2 years 4 days a week. She now goes to preschool 2 days a week and my mom watches her the rest of the time . When our second child is born next spring, DD1 will start full time preschool and my mom will watch #2 until he/she's about 18 months again. It's sometimes a struggle because my mom can be moody and a bit over protective. BUT the sheer amount of money we've saved is amazing. Plus I never worriy about my daughter because I know she's in good hands. We do pay her $50 a week to cover gas and other expenses but that's a personal decision.

Using your mother is truly disgusting.

Really?? My mother has bee retired for 3 years and begged me to do this. My grandmother did the same for me and I didn't start preschool until age 4. We are AA this it's very common in our circle/community.

Anonymous wrote:My mom has watched our DD from 4 months to 2 years 4 days a week. She now goes to preschool 2 days a week and my mom watches her the rest of the time . When our second child is born next spring, DD1 will start full time preschool and my mom will watch #2 until he/she's about 18 months again. It's sometimes a struggle because my mom can be moody and a bit over protective. BUT the sheer amount of money we've saved is amazing. Plus I never worriy about my daughter because I know she's in good hands. We do pay her $50 a week to cover gas and other expenses but that's a personal decision.

Using your mother is truly disgusting.

My mom has watched our DD from 4 months to 2 years 4 days a week. She now goes to preschool 2 days a week and my mom watches her the rest of the time . When our second child is born next spring, DD1 will start full time preschool and my mom will watch #2 until he/she's about 18 months again. It's sometimes a struggle because my mom can be moody and a bit over protective. BUT the sheer amount of money we've saved is amazing. Plus I never worriy about my daughter because I know she's in good hands. We do pay her $50 a week to cover gas and other expenses but that's a personal decision.

Pp here. Also, I heard good advice which was only hire caregivers who you'd be willing to fire.

It will really depend on you and your relationship. My in laws offered to be full time care givers, but we ultimately decided we'd rather that they stay grandparents only. I anticipated clashes on things like safety. They still see our son a lot and spoil him a bit with treats, but we don't have to argue about his daily food or how much time they have the tv on.

Also, you could consider switching to daycare after a year or two because you want more social interaction, which is totally legit.

(If also be worried about their presumptiveness about this and holidays. Why would you stop traveling? It doesn't seem to bode well for you saying no or making decisions that they wouldn't like.)

There is no such thing as a free lunch, OP.

Do it, but keep in mind that they're the grandparents and they may do things differently then you would, and if they are getting tired and burnt out, you need to recognize that. IMO - grandparents are grandparents first.