Woman here who met my husband on OKCupid.

I only responded to messages that were personal and where I felt like I had something in common with the person sending me a message. My profile said I enjoy bad puns and football, so if someone sent me a bad joke or brought up how the football season was going, I was very likely to respond.

Things I didn't like/would cause me to not respond: the initial email was too long (about 2-3 sentences is plenty, just enough to see that he read my profile and that we have something in common), there were too many questions (it felt like I was being interrogated at trial), we clearly didn't have anything in common, he only sent me a message based on what I looked like, or he shit-talked my favorite football team.

My advice is to keep it simple. I was never one of those women who got 50 messages a day when dating online - I guess I'm not cute enough! - but I still definitely didn't respond to every message I got because it gets overwhelming...especially the very long emails and/or the ones that just said something to the extent of, "Great pic! What do you like to do in your free time?" (Uh, read my profile, dummy.)

Good luck!

Yep online dating for men suck. The friends who I know who are on it are the dogs with the attitude hit on everything and you may get lucky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, get a book on online dating so you can see what types of emails work and what don't, then use that as a guideline.

Second, many women get deluged with messages. You'd thikn it's only the attractive ones, but it's the average ones also -- guys think they're an easier catch. To see this in action, use a fake photo and set up a fake photo as a female and watch the emails roll in.

yep - the thirst is real.

If you also are a minority male, do not use online unless you are in the top 10% of looks. the effort to get dates is not worth it.

I'm a minority guy and I got decent dates out of okcupid, but it was not worth the effort that I put in and the amount of time it took to read and sift through profiles.

It is a lot better to use that time to improve yourself and go out/be in public.

Bingo.
I tried this online dating for a month just to see what's up. I have better luck meeting women in the library go figure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, get a book on online dating so you can see what types of emails work and what don't, then use that as a guideline.

Second, many women get deluged with messages. You'd thikn it's only the attractive ones, but it's the average ones also -- guys think they're an easier catch. To see this in action, use a fake photo and set up a fake photo as a female and watch the emails roll in.

yep - the thirst is real.

If you also are a minority male, do not use online unless you are in the top 10% of looks. the effort to get dates is not worth it.

I'm a minority guy and I got decent dates out of okcupid, but it was not worth the effort that I put in and the amount of time it took to read and sift through profiles.

It is a lot better to use that time to improve yourself and go out/be in public.

It's not because you are a minority. It's just hard for men, in general, due to the way dating works. Plenty of white dudes can't get a response either.

Post one of your messages. We will give you honest opinions. Dcum is anonymous, so that's a plus.

OP, if it makes you feel better, your emails may not suck. The people you're emailing may just not have much time for dating at the moment.

I'm technically on OK Cupid because I wrote a profile a few years ago and never took it down. I'm a single mom who just doesn't have much free time, and when I do have free time, there are generally about 100 things I need/want to do. Meeting random guys is kind of near the end of that list, so I just tend to back-burner the whole dating thing.

Every now and then, someone will message me and I'll go online to see more, and that makes my profile "active" and then 10 more guys message me. And I don't really know what to do with that. I should probably get off OKC, but I keep thinking I'll actually find time to date soon, so I don't want to close off that avenue entirely.

So on behalf of women like me, I apologize.

Anonymous wrote:First, get a book on online dating so you can see what types of emails work and what don't, then use that as a guideline.

Second, many women get deluged with messages. You'd thikn it's only the attractive ones, but it's the average ones also -- guys think they're an easier catch. To see this in action, use a fake photo and set up a fake photo as a female and watch the emails roll in.

yep - the thirst is real.

If you also are a minority male, do not use online unless you are in the top 10% of looks. the effort to get dates is not worth it.

I'm a minority guy and I got decent dates out of okcupid, but it was not worth the effort that I put in and the amount of time it took to read and sift through profiles.

It is a lot better to use that time to improve yourself and go out/be in public.

Reasons I don't reply:

-I've decided to take a break from dating but haven't taken my profile down.

-I'm already talking to a couple people and don't have time/energy for anyone else.

-There's something about your profile that bothers me (you'll date women of every race except black women or you only date thin women, I'm thin and white but I don't want to date someone who is a jerk).

-You respond to the most generic thing in my profile and it doesn't actually seem like we have anything in common.

Post one of your messages