OP: go to a beach outside of the east coast. There are 5 star beach resorts all over the world (but not in Ocean City). We have a rickety NJ beach week with one group of family members. All other vacations are much more resorty and relaxing. Amd why would you say your child is 12 months old? Isn't that a year?

Is it possible that they think they will be expected to babysit and don't want to? Is there any history of miscommunication or misunderstood expectations on that account?

Your parents come to visit twice a year - that's pretty good, IMO, based on what else you describe.

They don't want to vacation with you - that's okay. Given that they don't help out with the kids or the cooking, I'm not sure why this is such a bummer for you.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The cost isn't a factor. Our kids are 12 months and 3. We go to the beach for vacations because it's the easiest and most child-friendly vacation that both our kids like. Usually beach towns don't have name brand hotels such as the "Ritz." We usually stay in nice but family friendly hotels. They do like the beach, that's not the issue. It's just that they don't want to vacation in non-fancy places. If they were willing to vacation with us it would be a great way for them to see the kids more because it's too hard to go and visit them since my husband doesn't get much vacation time.

I have this dream of the big, warm, loving family vacations where we rent a big house at the beach and spend a fun week together. Sadly, that kind of vacation will never happen, not with my family and not with DH's either.

I have this dream of the big, warm, loving vacations in Mars where unicorns mingle with flying pigs and spend a fun week together. Sadly, that kind of vacation will never happen. How insufferable.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The cost isn't a factor. Our kids are 12 months and 3. We go to the beach for vacations because it's the easiest and most child-friendly vacation that both our kids like. Usually beach towns don't have name brand hotels such as the "Ritz." We usually stay in nice but family friendly hotels. They do like the beach, that's not the issue. It's just that they don't want to vacation in non-fancy places. If they were willing to vacation with us it would be a great way for them to see the kids more because it's too hard to go and visit them since my husband doesn't get much vacation time.

I have this dream of the big, warm, loving family vacations where we rent a big house at the beach and spend a fun week together. Sadly, that kind of vacation will never happen, not with my family and not with DH's either.

Well, then go to the Bahamas or the Caymans and stay at the Ritz with your folks. Problem solved.

Forget the beach vacation with them.

And ask them to stay at the nearest 5 star hotel when they come to visit!!! You don't need to put yourself out with these people, frankly.

Go to a beach that has a Ritz.

Sorry for abuse of parentheses above. On phone and sick in bed. Can't be bothered with quality control.

Anonymous wrote:OP, my family is a lot like yours. Would your parents do Skype? That's how my mother sees my kids on a regular basis.

+1. And even that is a nightmare because they are so judgmental of the way my kids interact with them on Skype. (They want to show off their latest Lego creations or make funny faces at the camera to make the grandparents laugh (they haven't yet realized my parents lack the humor gene), and generally be their goofy selves, while my parents expect them to sit upright in front of the screen and politely submit to a twenty minute quiz about what they're learning in school. Any shenanigans are seen as disrespectful, and evidence that my kids don't love them ... Complete with guilt trips and the occasional disconnection (21st century equivalent of hanging up on one's own grandkids).

I feel your pain, OP. You've done all you can. It might be for the best to just let it go. I've realized lately that I only like the IDEA of my kids being close to my parents. The reality is that they are selfish and emotionally abusive, and it is probably
for the best that they keep us all at continent's length.

OP, look at it this way. Why would you want to convince them to vacation with you? They sound self-absorbed and not interested in your kids.

You want them to be different people. I get it. My parents suck and I'd like them to be different too. But they're all I'm getting in this life so I choose to invest my energy elsewhere. Go on a beach vacation with friends and build those relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two young kids and only stay in 5 star hotels/resorts. I don't want to stay at some rickety beach house, to be honest. If I'm going on vacation, I want to ENJOY that vacation.

Short version: "I'm an insufferable princess!"

ehh I'm not high maintenance but I feel similarly. If I have to cook or clean or do laundry it's not a vacation, it's a trip. I dislike beach houses.

There's a big difference between "rickety beach house" and "only 5-star resorts" so PP comes off as clueless and snotty. You don't have to choose only 5-star in order to not cook or do laundry.

I say this as someone who's had a great time at some very exclusive resorts and also at non-rickety beach houses. The amount of enjoyment I get is usually more based on who I'm with and what we're doing (agree on the no/not much cooking and cleaning!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two young kids and only stay in 5 star hotels/resorts. I don't want to stay at some rickety beach house, to be honest. If I'm going on vacation, I want to ENJOY that vacation.

Short version: "I'm an insufferable princess!"

ehh I'm not high maintenance but I feel similarly. If I have to cook or clean or do laundry it's not a vacation, it's a trip. I dislike beach houses.

Anonymous wrote:

I have this dream of the big, warm, loving family vacations where we rent a big house at the beach and spend a fun week together. Sadly, that kind of vacation will never happen, not with my family and not with DH's either.

This is it, OP. I'm sorry, but your dream is a fantasy that probably won't ever happen. Your parents sound a bit self-absorbed. Your choice is to accept a relationship with them on their terms or to continue to feel bad about this. Not that I blame you for feeling bad. It sucks, but there it is.

signed,

someone who's been there with parents like yours

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The cost isn't a factor. Our kids are 12 months and 3. We go to the beach for vacations because it's the easiest and most child-friendly vacation that both our kids like. Usually beach towns don't have name brand hotels such as the "Ritz." We usually stay in nice but family friendly hotels. They do like the beach, that's not the issue. It's just that they don't want to vacation in non-fancy places. If they were willing to vacation with us it would be a great way for them to see the kids more because it's too hard to go and visit them since my husband doesn't get much vacation time.

I have this dream of the big, warm, loving family vacations where we rent a big house at the beach and spend a fun week together. Sadly, that kind of vacation will never happen, not with my family and not with DH's either.

OP, I posted earlier - I know it's hard but I think you need to let this vision go. When my mom visits it's a lot like what you describe - sitting around the house or wanting to be driven on errands, very little doing things with the kids. If you did all go on a vacation together, wouldn't it be them sitting in the house just like when they visit you? Take the trips you want and let them take theirs. You can do things like Skype to try to foster a relationship with your kids.

Anonymous wrote:We have two young kids and only stay in 5 star hotels/resorts. I don't want to stay at some rickety beach house, to be honest. If I'm going on vacation, I want to ENJOY that vacation.

Short version: "I'm an insufferable princess!"