OP, you said it's not over. What do you hope to accomplish? Get your aunt to reimburse a portion of the ring's value to her siblings? Expect a fight.

Take the stones away from the cousin? Mean, expect a fight, and it still won't happen.

I understand if you want your mother to find out from you so she's not caught off guard when she sees the cousin or even at a wedding. But seriously -- ask yourself what you can reasonably accomplish other than a bit pointless fight.

I'm not a bridezilla type by any stretch but I also encourage you to consider whether you want to inject drama into your cousin's life as she plans her wedding and prepares to start her married life. That is stressful enough without family drama-- especially over something as stupid as her mother's poor judgment about a material object.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the entire thing. The ring was not yours. It was not your mother's. People need to stop expecting dead people will have left things for them as if they're owed these things.

You're an idiot.

Seriously?

Should I repeat myself?

NP here. You can repeat it all you want but that won't make it true; it'll just show you are obnoxious.

Two possibilities:

(1) grandmother left it to aunt, who doesn't want to have a long conversation about favoritism and who deserves what. That's her right. Or

(2) aunt took it without asking, which is not her daughter's fault. This round is already down range and the engaged person doesn't need grief and family stress to mar her engagement over a *thing* that the family was willing to bury.

Let. It. Go. There's no good that can come of pursuing it.

Variation of #2). The funeral home gave it to Aunt after the funeral - so she kept it.

Anonymous wrote:I inherited my grandmother's jewelry. She should have divided it between me and my cousin. I don 't know what she was thinking.

Why didn't you divide it between you and your cousin? Is there just the two of you, or are there more cousins?

In my family, we have (9) immediate cousins (from two siblings) - 7 of which are girls. IMO, using common sense, the jewelry should be divided 7 ways. There is no reason an IL should get the family jewelry (or anything, for that matter - they are not blood). Instead, what happened is that my sister hoarded all of the (really pricey) jewelry, called it junk, and sold it off, because she would rather have a few dollars than have anyone else enjoy it.

OP, I don't think your aunt is that different. Tell your mom, but be prepared to let it go. It obviously it not up for conversation by your aunt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so weird to think of a granddaughter wearing a ring. In my family rings go to men to propose with, not to girls so their boyfriends can propose with them.

We don't have that kind of heirloom in our family. But the only 2 people I know it has gone down to women because, I think, the logic is that if something happens to the marriage, the "real family" will always be the one with the ring. If a son gets it for his fiance and they break up, its no longer with the family most likely?

This is what I thought too (boy gets it to propose with), but to solve the problem, it should be given to a girl but not as a ring to be proposed with and certainly not pulled apart. She should get it intact, as an heirloom, right-hand ring. Fiance should still buy a proper ring.

I took a family ring as my engagement ring. Why would I make my husband buy some stupid expensive piece of jewelry when I have a very special ring already?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so weird to think of a granddaughter wearing a ring. In my family rings go to men to propose with, not to girls so their boyfriends can propose with them.

We don't have that kind of heirloom in our family. But the only 2 people I know it has gone down to women because, I think, the logic is that if something happens to the marriage, the "real family" will always be the one with the ring. If a son gets it for his fiance and they break up, its no longer with the family most likely?

This is what I thought too (boy gets it to propose with), but to solve the problem, it should be given to a girl but not as a ring to be proposed with and certainly not pulled apart. She should get it intact, as an heirloom, right-hand ring. Fiance should still buy a proper ring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the entire thing. The ring was not yours. It was not your mother's. People need to stop expecting dead people will have left things for them as if they're owed these things.

You're an idiot.

Why? This is reasonable advice.

Anonymous wrote:It's so weird to think of a granddaughter wearing a ring. In my family rings go to men to propose with, not to girls so their boyfriends can propose with them.

We don't have that kind of heirloom in our family. But the only 2 people I know it has gone down to women because, I think, the logic is that if something happens to the marriage, the "real family" will always be the one with the ring. If a son gets it for his fiance and they break up, its no longer with the family most likely?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the entire thing. The ring was not yours. It was not your mother's. People need to stop expecting dead people will have left things for them as if they're owed these things.

You're an idiot.

Seriously?

Should I repeat myself?

NP here. You can repeat it all you want but that won't make it true; it'll just show you are obnoxious.

Two possibilities:

(1) grandmother left it to aunt, who doesn't want to have a long conversation about favoritism and who deserves what. That's her right. Or

(2) aunt took it without asking, which is not her daughter's fault. This round is already down range and the engaged person doesn't need grief and family stress to mar her engagement over a *thing* that the family was willing to bury.

Let. It. Go. There's no good that can come of pursuing it.

OP here and I am no part of the above exchange fwiw.

My mom is going to hear about this either way, so me letting her know about it won't change the outcome. It will own change the timing of when my mom know and who tells her. It was pretty clear at Christmas that the matter was not over whether aunt wanted it to be over or not. And that has zero to do with me - that has to do with the siblings involved.

I have one. My mom has a large diamond ring that she inherited from her childless great aunt. She told me casually recently that she should give it to the daughter of a cousin who molested me when I was a little girl to keep the great aunt tradition going.

I have nothing against the child of my molester cousin, but I still think my mom saying that to me was rather insensitive to say the least. She can be buried with her gaudy ring for all I care, she's an asshole.

I inherited my grandmother's jewelry. She should have divided it between me and my cousin. I don 't know what she was thinking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the entire thing. The ring was not yours. It was not your mother's. People need to stop expecting dead people will have left things for them as if they're owed these things.

You're an idiot.

Seriously?

Should I repeat myself?

NP here. You can repeat it all you want but that won't make it true; it'll just show you are obnoxious.

Two possibilities:

(1) grandmother left it to aunt, who doesn't want to have a long conversation about favoritism and who deserves what. That's her right. Or

(2) aunt took it without asking, which is not her daughter's fault. This round is already down range and the engaged person doesn't need grief and family stress to mar her engagement over a *thing* that the family was willing to bury.

Let. It. Go. There's no good that can come of pursuing it.

I agree with this. I was responding to PP's moral righteousness. I should have bolded it.

^"deserves THAT."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the entire thing. The ring was not yours. It was not your mother's. People need to stop expecting dead people will have left things for them as if they're owed these things.

You're an idiot.

Seriously?

Should I repeat myself?

NP here. You can repeat it all you want but that won't make it true; it'll just show you are obnoxious.

Two possibilities:

(1) grandmother left it to aunt, who doesn't want to have a long conversation about favoritism and who deserves what. That's her right. Or

(2) aunt took it without asking, which is not her daughter's fault. This round is already down range and the engaged person doesn't need grief and family stress to mar her engagement over a *thing* that the family was willing to bury.

Let. It. Go. There's no good that can come of pursuing it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the entire thing. The ring was not yours. It was not your mother's. People need to stop expecting dead people will have left things for them as if they're owed these things.

You're an idiot.

Seriously?

Should I repeat myself?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the entire thing. The ring was not yours. It was not your mother's. People need to stop expecting dead people will have left things for them as if they're owed these things.

You're an idiot.

Seriously?