Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP here.

Inlaws have been inviting us for years and we have said no every time. TheY are flaky and "scared of babies". They've visited us quite a bit, and have improved a lot from the beginning. Literally every conversation I have with them coming to visit is brought up. This year cousins are flying in from Europe and it will be a full family reunion. They begged us to come, even offering to pay for tickets if necessary. Hints were dropped about poor health and last Christmases. Thus my husband and I felt forced to come and cancel on our local family. It turned out everything was a lie, including cousins flying over. They were told we were flying over and they decided to come because we were coming. My Inlaws made very detailed plans and have kept to none of them. They promised specific things to my kids only to bail and have my dh and I do them alone. "Listen grandkids, tomorrow we are going to go to X event that I know you've wanted to go for a long time!" The day comes and my FIL needs "me time" and "to go to the pharmacy". Later on we will hear about his boozy lunch and long nap. It's disgusting. I never expected it to be like this, and I have low expectations. SIL is horrified and is speaking to FIL & MIL. DH has already spoken to them but it hasn't done much. We are leaving in the next few days so it will be over soon. I'm sad for the kids but we have made the trip fun despite the grandparents.

Please note that I do not judge them for taking me time or anything. I judge them for lying to us about coming here (all medical issues were a lie they admitted, laughing), ignoring my kids, and spending no time with us (or their other guests) at all.

Curious how you all immediately blame the woman though.

I, for one, didn't "blame the woman." You started with "We" in your OP, and my response as "you" was as in "you and your husband didn't HAVE to cancel, so it's on you [plural]." Don't leave KEY INFORMATION out of your original post and then expect everyone to automatically "get" what's going on. Yes, the lying, manipulation, etc., was wrong--but you didn't mention that in your original post. So stop expecting perfect answers from imperfect information.

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP here.

Inlaws have been inviting us for years and we have said no every time. TheY are flaky and "scared of babies". They've visited us quite a bit, and have improved a lot from the beginning. Literally every conversation I have with them coming to visit is brought up. This year cousins are flying in from Europe and it will be a full family reunion. They begged us to come, even offering to pay for tickets if necessary. Hints were dropped about poor health and last Christmases. Thus my husband and I felt forced to come and cancel on our local family. It turned out everything was a lie, including cousins flying over. They were told we were flying over and they decided to come because we were coming. My Inlaws made very detailed plans and have kept to none of them. They promised specific things to my kids only to bail and have my dh and I do them alone. "Listen grandkids, tomorrow we are going to go to X event that I know you've wanted to go for a long time!" The day comes and my FIL needs "me time" and "to go to the pharmacy". Later on we will hear about his boozy lunch and long nap. It's disgusting. I never expected it to be like this, and I have low expectations. SIL is horrified and is speaking to FIL & MIL. DH has already spoken to them but it hasn't done much. We are leaving in the next few days so it will be over soon. I'm sad for the kids but we have made the trip fun despite the grandparents.

Please note that I do not judge them for taking me time or anything. I judge them for lying to us about coming here (all medical issues were a lie they admitted, laughing), ignoring my kids, and spending no time with us (or their other guests) at all.

Curious how you all immediately blame the woman though.

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP here.

Inlaws have been inviting us for years and we have said no every time. TheY are flaky and "scared of babies". They've visited us quite a bit, and have improved a lot from the beginning. Literally every conversation I have with them coming to visit is brought up. This year cousins are flying in from Europe and it will be a full family reunion. They begged us to come, even offering to pay for tickets if necessary. Hints were dropped about poor health and last Christmases. Thus my husband and I felt forced to come and cancel on our local family. It turned out everything was a lie, including cousins flying over. They were told we were flying over and they decided to come because we were coming. My Inlaws made very detailed plans and have kept to none of them. They promised specific things to my kids only to bail and have my dh and I do them alone. "Listen grandkids, tomorrow we are going to go to X event that I know you've wanted to go for a long time!" The day comes and my FIL needs "me time" and "to go to the pharmacy". Later on we will hear about his boozy lunch and long nap. It's disgusting. I never expected it to be like this, and I have low expectations. SIL is horrified and is speaking to FIL & MIL. DH has already spoken to them but it hasn't done much. We are leaving in the next few days so it will be over soon. I'm sad for the kids but we have made the trip fun despite the grandparents.

Please note that I do not judge them for taking me time or anything. I judge them for lying to us about coming here (all medical issues were a lie they admitted, laughing), ignoring my kids, and spending no time with us (or their other guests) at all.

Curious how you all immediately blame the woman though.

Anonymous wrote:OP never said she was forced into anything. Maybe she spent last year with her family and decided to balance things out by accepting IL's invitation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this at all! Why did you change your plans?

I don't get it either. People don't act like this out of the blue.

Me three! OP, is some one dying? What did FIL use to convince you to ditch your plans? This makes no sense. Something big must be up, otherwise you would have said - sorry, you know our holiday rotation, we'll see you at X date.

Anonymous wrote:I am as anti in law as they get but there has to be something more to this story. Yes, it sounds like a crappy visit but I also don't get why you agreed to change plans.

I'm sorry you're unhappy with what's going on right now, but something is definitely off. Who cancels a vacation just because someone asks them to?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this at all! Why did you change your plans?

I don't get it either. People don't act like this out of the blue.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this at all! Why did you change your plans?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but this is your fault. They did NOT force you to change your plans. They asked, and instead of saying "Sorry, we've already arranged our holiday, but let's get together in February," you ditched the people you HAD plans with, spent a ton of money, and then are complaining about people not falling all over you. Are you new? I mean, this sounds like it can't possibly be something that came out of nowhere. So you should have known they'd be this way.

Do you feel better now that you've acted like a jerk towards someone who needed a vent?

Well, they were telling the truth.

+1 OP, no one forced you to change your plans.