OP here. Responses seem split right down the middle. Glad I'm not missing something obvious!

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Just wondering, why aren't you, brother, parents having dinner on Christmas eve, or did I miss that?

If that's not an option, I'd suggest having a small nuclear family dinner on Christmas eve, before/after church.

My brother is not interested in trying to fit his schedule to my parents'. Their service is right in the middle of the evening. Too late for dinner after, but my dad has to be there early for various reasons. We'd have to eat at something like 5 p.m.

Anonymous wrote:Why can't your mom come over on Christmas morning as your kids open presents?

OP here. I won't see my kids on Christmas day. I'll be dropping them off at their dad's around their bedtime on the 24th.

I think you can say that you have other church plans for Christmas eve but would love to stop by before or after for family time.

I'm from an interfaith family, married into an even more religiously diverse situation, and this is just how you keep the peace - people who care about the service they attend make their own decisions about where to go, those of us who are happy to just keep some loved ones company during a service that's important to them tag along to wherever, and those who can't stand to attend any kind of service stay back at the house and prep the meal.

Op ~ your Mom wants to show off her grandchildren. Very common. Go for this reason. Insist your kids go if they are the age where you can insist (I didn't see what ages they are)

Agnostic here. My parents once tried to force my family to go to church. Nope. Never gonna to happen. It is rude. I agree with the above poster that getting together 2 days is enough "family time".

Wait, you all are gathering at your parents' one day, and gathering at your brother's on the 25th? That's enough, in my opinion. You need to stop trying to make up for your brother's perceived lack of interest (and actually I think there'e nothing wrong with his level of participation). No need to drag your kids to a church service that none of you enjoys.

PP again. Just wondering, why aren't you, brother, parents having dinner on Christmas eve, or did I miss that?

If that's not an option, I'd suggest having a small nuclear family dinner on Christmas eve, before/after church.

I am in a VERY similar situation every holiday; brother and I live near by to both of our parents (divorced), I'm the one that holds everything together.

I would plan to go to church with your parents and if I were you I'd try to get the kids to go too. I would also attend the Christmas day thing at your brother's. Then you have the other dinner with your parents/brother/kids, right? In my opinion, it seems like everything is covered. I'd invite my parents over for Christmas morning but not a big deal if they don't come, just so they know they're welcome.

This would be so much more confusing (but possibly easier) if you had a partner's family to fit in too!

You are a great and caring daughter. Given everything you laid out, I would not be going to mom and dad's church.