There are small group homes that are what you described. There is a waiver program and if family is paying generally they are cheaper.

Thanks to everyone for the ideas. I'm interested to see the place he's at. I get the feeling it's more of a group home than a medical facility. Not sure if that makes sense. Street view shows a regular house and when I call they answer with "hello".

My family is calling it "dementia" but it's not progressing like Alzheimers might (I know little about these things, obviously). It's more like brain damage from the stroke than memory loss though.

So that's all to say, I want to get him stuff that he'll know is for him (reason I'm sticking to Harley Davidson stuff) instead of things specifically for a patient with memory loss. When I talk to him he still knows who I am and talks about his situation like he can't figure out why he's there "I'm fine! you gotta get me out of this place, they're a bunch of old crazy people!"He doesn't know that he's unable to take care of himself. It's very sad.

I just want my gifts to be special to him and useful but not imply that I think he's in-need of special things, for respect reasons. He's my uncle after all. Thanks again for all the suggestions. I'll likely make another post about how anxious I am about visiting, I'm already feeling depressed about the whole thing.

I'm 21:23. PS- When/ if you tell the SW/ nurse what you got, they might tell you not to even bring it. I'm thinking of the DVD player. I haven't seen anyone on any long-term unit with one.

I work in a long-term unit of a (very highly-rated) nursing home, and many of my residents have Alzheimer's/ dementia. I would suggest maybe small (12-14-16" or so) foam puzzles he can do to keep his hands busy. The DVD player is fine if he will be able to operate it himself. Based on your description of his facility, it's likely no aide is going to have enough time to turn it on/ off/ hit play etc for him (in my 5-star facility, no aide has time for this either). Also, that would probably disappear quickly.

Whatever you buy, write his name on it in big letters in Sharpie. It might still disappear though. Whatever you buy, make sure to tell the facility social worker and unit nurse you brought it, you labeled it, you expect it to stay in his room, and the facility is responsible if it disappears.

I always send my uncle in a nursing home a bright bouquet of flowers. It may seem like a strange gift for an older man but he loves them in his room and they make him happy. He doesn't need or appreciate "stuff."

My mom died a couple of months ago and had a Medicaid bed in an otherwise very highly rated facility. I was shocked at how quickly her nice clothing (and when I say nice, I mean just good sturdy cotton stuff from Kohls and Lands End, nothing really pricey) disappeared. Cardigans, track suits, nice warm tops...is have to buy new stuff every few months. So I think clothing is always a good bet.

Also, when you're there, check out the sheet and blanket situation and see if he's allowed to have all his own bedding. Some places allow it (ours did) and it made such a difference for her to use her own comfy cotton sheets and quilt rather than the thin, threadbare stuff that was standard. Also, maybe a bolster pillow?

Does he have his own phone? A phone with big buttons and a place where you could put pictures for speed dial might be good. My mom went downhill really fast and unfortunately she would have had a hard time with any other electronics, but maybe there are some things made for the elderly that would be easy to use like. DVD player and headphones.

Anonymous wrote:I would try calling the facility and ask the staff what he needs. They are there with him 24/7, your Mom is not (I'm not being mean, just factual). They may have restrictions about electronics, depending on the type of floor he's on.
I am a nurse and do a PRN position in an LTC, sometimes on the locked dementia unit. Noone has electronics for safety reasons and we encourage lots of time in the open area so that we are able to keep eyes on residents for safety reasons. We do have one resident there with a nano ipod that family has downloaded music onto and it's kept in the locked med room when she's not using it.
Other suggestions: A warm blanket to tuck over his legs when he's in his wheelchair (those fleece tie blankets are perfect), if you go clothing, definitely elastic waist pants, shirts in maybe a size bigger than he normally wears. Make sure slippers have non-slip bottoms or they will be a safety issue.

It varies by facility. My MIL is on a locked dementia ward and she had tons of electronics. They just don't let her use it. She's encourage to basically sit all day and stare at the annoying group tv or the really terrible volunteers who sing/piano.

If family is not comfortable, clothing is best. I agree call the nurses for size an what he needs.

I would try calling the facility and ask the staff what he needs. They are there with him 24/7, your Mom is not (I'm not being mean, just factual). They may have restrictions about electronics, depending on the type of floor he's on.
I am a nurse and do a PRN position in an LTC, sometimes on the locked dementia unit. Noone has electronics for safety reasons and we encourage lots of time in the open area so that we are able to keep eyes on residents for safety reasons. We do have one resident there with a nano ipod that family has downloaded music onto and it's kept in the locked med room when she's not using it.
Other suggestions: A warm blanket to tuck over his legs when he's in his wheelchair (those fleece tie blankets are perfect), if you go clothing, definitely elastic waist pants, shirts in maybe a size bigger than he normally wears. Make sure slippers have non-slip bottoms or they will be a safety issue.

place the *order, not other

I think I'm decided against the tablet/DVD player for now, until I see where he is and figure out what would be best for him.

Ok so I've picked out a Harley beanie and calendar as well as some slippers. I still have a day to place the other in order to get them in time for our visit. Any other ideas are greatly appreciated. Thanks all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe a page a day calendar books with photos of Harleys? They have lots of glossy books like that on amazon and at Barnes and Noble.

If it's a badly run place there's a big chance a dvd player or tablet will get stolen, sadly.

I love the idea of the calendar! I'm definitely getting him one. Thanks.

From what I've heard it's run on a very low budget (I am not sure how it's being paid for but he's a veteran and disabled so I figure he gets social security and then vet benefits) but the staff are all very kind. I was thinking I could get a tablet that is obviously very cheap or even find a used one that looks used...maybe less chance of it being stolen?

Only get a tablet if he can use it. You can get a cheap kindle but who will keep it updated, download new stuff and keep it charged. It depends on the nursing home. My MIL has a tv, computer and dvd player and it hasn't bene stolen. Small stuff does get lost, clothing doesn't get returned, etc.