Anonymous
12/17/2015 12:52
Subject: Re:Spiteful sibling and estate
Even if you get a lawyer, there's no guarantee you will get the trinkets you would like. It's still easy for your brother to say they are no longer there/don't exist.
Anonymous
12/17/2015 11:21
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do your other siblings say? are any of the other siblings in country?
OP here. Siblings are spread out all over, and not especially vested in having anything. What we would want (there are significant items) are not that significant, just symbolic. I don't know how to beg for a few photos or trinkets, in other words. I also don't know that it would make sense to hire an attorney, when not all of the siblings are committed to the cause, and the items are clearly not of monetary value? I am frustrated with myself for not knowing what to do.
If you ask nicely, repeatedly, and he says no or doesn't respond, then I think you've got to go to the country and take what you want or make peace with the fact that your brother may throw/give it away. I'm sorry you are in this situation.
Anonymous
12/16/2015 11:29
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Anonymous wrote:Dad died this year. Mom had died a few years ago. Sibling has control of the estate (in another country, so I can't pick up and drive there, for example), and is pissing away money from it - sending "family friends" (sibling has none - he is an alcoholic, and depressed, among other things - no children) internet tchotchkes and meaningless crap (!!!) for "holiday presents". Meanwhile, there are six of us total - all married - with at least two children each. In other words, the grandchildren would benefit from estate items, no matter how small. I have a strong idea that sibling either donated or threw away parents' items (except the ones he deems valuable, of course). Sibling makes excuses whenever a polite request is made for a specific item (more than one would be out of the question, so I and the other siblings thought we might start with tiny requests - a specific item, even if that item is worth nothing).
The "family friend" gift recipients are well aware of sibling's underhandedness, FWIW. It seems as if sibling wants anyone else to receive items, but us. Any useful advice? If not, thanks for letting me vent. Happy Holidays.
Do you want to fly to your family's country and help your brother clean out crap and other items? If he was in this country and the executor you still would be at his mercey just as you would have been before the parent's death if he was guardian/POA or POA only and the parent didn't specifically deal with you.
Ask him for some specific small items and family photos [digital]. Get an estates attorney in your country. I have been there done that with my brother who abused his POA and executor position. Estate items can be very small in value.
Anonymous
12/15/2015 18:40
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
OP, was there a will? if your parents wanted to give you specific items (such as jewelry) presumably they would have mentioned it in the will.
None of your other 5 siblings made it to home country for the funeral ? So the jerk sibling who is a trustee now was the only one in the home country taking care of your parents and by their bedside in their last days?
You can consult a lawyer in the home country if you can sue for a part of the estate or for specific items. And then see if the cost of a lawsuit is worth it. Or, you can try to make nice with the sibling, as in "it means a lot to me that you were with dad before he passed and took care of arrangements. Would you mind if I took mom's ring, I would love to have it as a memory and to pass it to my daughter eventually."
If none of your other siblings are bothered, it sounds like it's your personal beef over jewelry (expensive?).
None of your other 5 siblings made it to home country for the funeral ? So the jerk sibling who is a trustee now was the only one in the home country taking care of your parents and by their bedside in their last days?
You can consult a lawyer in the home country if you can sue for a part of the estate or for specific items. And then see if the cost of a lawsuit is worth it. Or, you can try to make nice with the sibling, as in "it means a lot to me that you were with dad before he passed and took care of arrangements. Would you mind if I took mom's ring, I would love to have it as a memory and to pass it to my daughter eventually."
If none of your other siblings are bothered, it sounds like it's your personal beef over jewelry (expensive?).
Anonymous
12/15/2015 18:06
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Seriously, you're going to have to go there and find help locally. This stuff is not going to magically appear on your doorstep. Stop being so helpless.
Anonymous
12/14/2015 23:53
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was hoping to hear from people who have actually sen through this kind of process. 1.) the estate is in a trust, so as to avoid probate (or whatever they call it) and 2.) brother lives in a house bought by father (brother's name is on deed) - such that I can not simply go and break down the front door and "take" what I deem "mine".
I don't mind doing something about it, but it would have to be appropriate and productive, and continuous with legalities already in place - not nonsensical.
I would let it go. I also live in a different country than my parents and siblings.
Since the house is in your siblings name bought by your parents I think they probably looked out for him most.
Same in my family. I have a brother who has never married or held a real job and he gets pampered.
It is what it is. If your parents wanted you or your siblings to have stuff they would have said so in a will or given it to you after your mom died.
If you wanted a heirloom badly you should have asked for it while they while still around.
Anonymous
12/14/2015 21:54
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Anonymous wrote:
You should have a family meeting at the estate ASAP. Hire a specialized attorney to inventory what's left, and parcel it out in as equitable a way as possible to the kids (you and siblings). Cart your portion away before it disappears.
Been there, done that, with my grandparents estate (French Chateau and valuable antique content). It took 25 years of family strife, during which lots of valuables disappeared, and created resentment which spilled over to the next generation. No one behaved admirably, I have to say. Try to nip it in the bud and be generous about small things - it's better to get it over with than bicker about details, in my experience.
op will never make it past the angry mob of peasants waiting at the Winterfell Keep.
Anonymous
12/14/2015 21:47
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Anonymous wrote:
You should have a family meeting at the estate ASAP. Hire a specialized attorney to inventory what's left, and parcel it out in as equitable a way as possible to the kids (you and siblings). Cart your portion away before it disappears. You can sell the house and land and divide the proceeds, or if spiteful sibling wants to live there, he has to buy you out.
Been there, done that, with my grandparents estate (French Chateau and valuable antique content). It took 25 years of family strife, during which lots of valuables disappeared, and created resentment which spilled over to the next generation. No one behaved admirably, I have to say. Try to nip it in the bud and be generous about small things - it's better to get it over with than bicker about details, in my experience.
LOL. Ok, Princess Eugenia, OP meant the estate as a legal entity, not an actual chateau--also please donate to the Bastard Offspring of Itinerant Yeoman Fund this year--we appreciate your support.
Anonymous
12/14/2015 21:44
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was hoping to hear from people who have actually sen through this kind of process. 1.) the estate is in a trust, so as to avoid probate (or whatever they call it) and 2.) brother lives in a house bought by father (brother's name is on deed) - such that I can not simply go and break down the front door and "take" what I deem "mine".
I don't mind doing something about it, but it would have to be appropriate and productive, and continuous with legalities already in place - not nonsensical.
Estate law is completely dependent on the country. Which country? What works here doesn't always work in other countries. That's why you aren't getting very specific feedback.
Anonymous
12/14/2015 21:36
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Anonymous wrote:Who is the trustee?
The executor?
The brother.
Anonymous
12/14/2015 21:35
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Anonymous wrote:Fly to the country, walk in the house, pack up some things and go back to the airport.
Ho wis one supposed to find a ring (or piece of jewelry, or whatever) in a three story house? And demand it, without the police being called?
Anonymous
12/14/2015 20:44
Subject: Spiteful sibling and estate
Who is the trustee?
The executor?
The executor?