A man who likes/believes in the institution of marriage - not just wants to marry YOU. He needs to want to be a married man. To get through the inevitable, occasional trying times in dealing with another person, he needs to take pride in his strong commitment to the institution of marriage

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies in happy marriages with great husbands, do tell; how did you know your then boyfriend was husband material? What traits did he exhibit?

In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

Also, he was very close to his family and friends. Kind hearted. Hard working.

Both of those would be turn offs to me.

+1

And I am an adult and don't need to be taken care of.

OP here. OMG you guys. My dh is NOT my personal ATM. He's not a fancy lawyer or doctor. He doesn't make very good money. I wasn't looking for an ATM but rather, the generosity of spirit.

Even though he does not make much money, he still takes care of me. Thats what I was looking for.

Anonymous wrote:Treated everybody with kindness. Good to his mother, and his dogs. Could spend lots of time with him without getting sick of it, or bored. Our future careers/earning potential did not factor into it at all.

I find the at all part unbelievable. Were you young and broke before you married? Someone has to work!

Treated everybody with kindness. Good to his mother, and his dogs. Could spend lots of time with him without getting sick of it, or bored. Our future careers/earning potential did not factor into it at all.

I was and am still obsessed with dh . He's kind, funny and laid back. I love his soft skin. He cooks dinner every night even though I stay at home with the baby. This is the number one thing though: HE GIVES AMAZING MASSAGES every night!!! Love helps immensely because when you love someone you care for them more. This is the case with my dating experiences anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could find a man like your husband.
I sometimes feel like I'm too stupid to be single. I'd be really happy to stay home and take care of a house and bunch of kids.

But, I' really not good at anything else, and I've tried.
I can hold down a job and pay bills, but I'm just lacking. It's hard to explain.
But my dream would be to find and marry a hardworking, honest, moral, loving, and sweet man who would be able and happy for me to stay home and care for the kids.
Unfortunately for me I'm no good at attracting the opposite sex.

You have to work for it

OTOH, pp may have a few self esteem issues. Let me just add that it's not only about attracting the opposite sex, but about what you want. Both parties choose. Both parties should also pay/contribute to the relationship. Sometimes a great guy just can't make enough to support a SAHM, so that's when you step up and make compromises like WAH, WOH, part-time work or a vastly reduced lifestyle (no vacations, no fancy clothes, no luxuries, "lean Christmas"). That kind of sacrifice is not for everybody, but I'd rather take it than marry an alpha a$$h*le for $$ just to stay at home.

True love is worth the time an investment, but you have to believe in yourself. See the good in yourself, your family and friends, then go out there and say to yourself, "I'm choosing too." Feel free to insist on a guy who'll treat you with honesty and respect and drop game players as soon as you recognize them. Go for true love and integrity. You'll find it.

Anonymous wrote:I agree about kindness. Money and looks come and go but kindness is there or it is not. I also could not live with someone I didn't find funny.

I looked for kindness, humor and chemistry. It was fhard to find but I've been happy for ten years through all kinds of life circumstances, good and bad.

This +1
DH is a kind, smart, funny person. We had a rough couple of years and he always tries to make me laugh when I'm down. Is super supportive of my career choices, discusses his career choices and plans and we exude all the big things as a family and not unilaterally. He's also passionate about his work and bettering himself and knowing more. I find that incredibly attractive. He never shied from showing his kindness, opening doors, being nice to waitstaff etc, it's just automatic for him.
I couldn't be with a person who thinks being nice is somehow a weakness and diminishes them.

I was superficially attracted to DH, which is paramount no matter what people say because it helps keep the magic going.

He's also a wonderful person: honest, respectful, attentive, creative, fun, and great with the kids, grows in depth and compassion to others.

He's not what the A$$h*les would call "alpa" -- he's a hard working, decent human being with ambition and care towards all people. He never stomps on people's weaknesses.

Generosity and flexibility in bed help, too!

He accepted and loved me for who I am.
He was kind and considerate to others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies in happy marriages with great husbands, do tell; how did you know your then boyfriend was husband material? What traits did he exhibit?

In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

Also, he was very close to his family and friends. Kind hearted. Hard working.

Both of those would be turn offs to me.

+1

And I am an adult and don't need to be taken care of.

I agree about kindness. Money and looks come and go but kindness is there or it is not. I also could not live with someone I didn't find funny.

I looked for kindness, humor and chemistry. It was fhard to find but I've been happy for ten years through all kinds of life circumstances, good and bad.

I was super attracted to my DH, which was a necessary condition for me.

But what made him husband material and what made him stand out from the pack when we started dating was:

*He was always really interested in what I had to say
*He would always ask me with sincere interest how I was feeling and how things were going for me
*He was "on a mission" in his own life. I wanted to admire my husband, and nothing is more admirable than a disciplined man on a mission to reach his dreams.

Other guys I dated lacked one or more of those things. Either they were ambitious and selfish or they were caring and meek. I wanted to ambitious and caring, and by some miracle I got it!

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could find a man like your husband.
I sometimes feel like I'm too stupid to be single. I'd be really happy to stay home and take care of a house and bunch of kids.

But, I' really not good at anything else, and I've tried.
I can hold down a job and pay bills, but I'm just lacking. It's hard to explain.
But my dream would be to find and marry a hardworking, honest, moral, loving, and sweet man who would be able and happy for me to stay home and care for the kids.
Unfortunately for me I'm no good at attracting the opposite sex.

You have to work for it

Anonymous wrote:
In my case, I knew my dh was husband material because when I asked him on our first date, "what are your goals in life?" he said, " a house, family. lots of kids. make enough money so my wife doesn't have to work"

he was 23 at the time!

I was really impressed.

He promised to pay all your bills, of course you were impressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally opposite. In my case, I made it clear I wanted a career and his career aspirations wouldn't trump mine.

He wasn't threatened by my massive ego. We clicked and the rest is history!

He complements my personality if that makes sense. He's far more patient and kind than I am and he's really smart. I'm an intense female who wanted a less intense but intellectually equal partner.

Very happy DW

+1, same here, happy DW!

+2