Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 15:00     Subject: In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't see any upside. It's not like you were great friends with this guy, just FWB for a relatively short while.


OP here. I appreciate all the candid responses. We're not close, but we were friends- we'd go out to dinner and then hook up; I'd always spend the night. I enjoyed talking to him about politics and news. But there was never enough of a real spark for a relationship.

In terms of why would I even bother -- I think it'd be enjoyable, I do like his company, would like meeting his gf, all of us like to travel and I think we'd just have a good conversation. They won't be here often, so I'm not trying to make some budding relationship.


I understand the impulse, but an "enjoyable" evening with someone pleasant isn't worth the potential complications. Risk/reward ration not good. Not a good business decision, so to speak.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:59     Subject: Re:In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 43. All of you getting together for drinks sounds fine to me. I wouldn't think anything of it. In this situation, I would just tell my SO, he's someone I dated back in the day.


I'm substantially older and wiser (44) and there's zero chance that I would go out for drinks.

I see no upside--only downside with risks to current relationship.

Why potentially mess up a good current relationship to have a few drinks with an exFWB? Makes no sense to me at all.


What downside and risks? Maybe if you still have feelings for the other person - otherwise, it's just having drinks with someone you kind of know; what's the big deal?


Or maybe they still have feelings for you? Maybe this makes things uncomfortable. Maybe they get into a pissing contest with current SO. Maybe their SO is jealous of you. Maybe your SO isn't comfortable with the situation and gets upset.

Point is that you're creating a situation where quite a bit can go wrong, including things that affect the current relationship. Why do this to have a few drinks with someone who, while pleasant, has no emotional meaning to you and no bearing on your future life? Huge risk, no reward.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:52     Subject: In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't see any upside. It's not like you were great friends with this guy, just FWB for a relatively short while.


OP here. I appreciate all the candid responses. We're not close, but we were friends- we'd go out to dinner and then hook up; I'd always spend the night. I enjoyed talking to him about politics and news. But there was never enough of a real spark for a relationship.

In terms of why would I even bother -- I think it'd be enjoyable, I do like his company, would like meeting his gf, all of us like to travel and I think we'd just have a good conversation. They won't be here often, so I'm not trying to make some budding relationship.


I think that sounds nice. I guess some people think that once you've dated someone, and you are no longer dating them, then you have to cut all ties. I don't share that point of view. I don't mind when we see my husband's exes, and I'm glad he's not threatened by mine either.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:50     Subject: Re:In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 43. All of you getting together for drinks sounds fine to me. I wouldn't think anything of it. In this situation, I would just tell my SO, he's someone I dated back in the day.


I'm substantially older and wiser (44) and there's zero chance that I would go out for drinks.

I see no upside--only downside with risks to current relationship.

Why potentially mess up a good current relationship to have a few drinks with an exFWB? Makes no sense to me at all.


What downside and risks? Maybe if you still have feelings for the other person - otherwise, it's just having drinks with someone you kind of know; what's the big deal?
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:49     Subject: Re:In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:I'm 43. All of you getting together for drinks sounds fine to me. I wouldn't think anything of it. In this situation, I would just tell my SO, he's someone I dated back in the day.


+1 - 42 here, and I would do the same. Unless for some reason you think that your current partner is very interested in more explicit details than that.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:33     Subject: In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
PP, why would a woman have terrible sex AGAIN and AGAIN with a FWB? This makes NO sense. Just sayin'.

-Female who wouldn't have sex again (with that particular guy) if it was (repeatedly) terrible
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:27     Subject: In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
OP again. Very curious if male / females will differ in opinion on this.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:10     Subject: Re:In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
I can only see this working if your current boyfriend is hotter than Joe AND Joe's current girlfriend is hotter than you. Yup, that's the only way.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:09     Subject: In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:Was the sex good with this guy? If it was terrible it makes it even more of a non-issue.


It was good, but better with my boyfriend.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:07     Subject: In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:not a troll! I am comfortable with this, but the situation is so strange.

Background- joe and I met through friends and were friends with benefits for about a year and a half (casually, he was dating someone and we stopped, etc). We enjoyed each other's company and talking but never dated-- it just wasn't there. I moved away from his city three years ago, but we kept in occasional contact and slept together last a bit over a year ago.

We are both now content in our relationships. We've been dating SO for about 8 months. He mentioned last night his SO has to travel near me in a few months, and we should all get drinks. (His gf, my bf...)

I would be fine with this and have 0 feelings for this guy. I've actually been wondering if we'd ever see each other again. When we chat occasionally it's mostly about politics. Nothing flirty.

So, in any universe would this be okay? We'd have to tell our SO about our history, right? My boyfriend is not the jealous type, but I still feel like I'm doing something wrong, even Though I'm really happy this guy is in a relationship, and I think it'd be fun to reconnect with everyone.

(Wondering how many milennial comments im going to get- he and I are 27/28).


Why are you still in contact with this guy?
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 14:05     Subject: In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:I don't see any upside. It's not like you were great friends with this guy, just FWB for a relatively short while.


OP here. I appreciate all the candid responses. We're not close, but we were friends- we'd go out to dinner and then hook up; I'd always spend the night. I enjoyed talking to him about politics and news. But there was never enough of a real spark for a relationship.

In terms of why would I even bother -- I think it'd be enjoyable, I do like his company, would like meeting his gf, all of us like to travel and I think we'd just have a good conversation. They won't be here often, so I'm not trying to make some budding relationship.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 13:02     Subject: In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
I don't see any upside. It's not like you were great friends with this guy, just FWB for a relatively short while.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 12:55     Subject: Re:In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:
I'm substantially older and wiser (44) and there's zero chance that I would go out for drinks.

I see no upside--only downside with risks to current relationship.

Why potentially mess up a good current relationship to have a few drinks with an exFWB? Makes no sense to me at all.


ITA. What are you hoping to get out of this OP? I'd just politely decline.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 12:49     Subject: Re:In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Completely agree with this person. The world is full of potential friends you haven't slept with.



Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 43. All of you getting together for drinks sounds fine to me. I wouldn't think anything of it. In this situation, I would just tell my SO, he's someone I dated back in the day.


I'm substantially older and wiser (44) and there's zero chance that I would go out for drinks.

I see no upside--only downside with risks to current relationship.

Why potentially mess up a good current relationship to have a few drinks with an exFWB? Makes no sense to me at all.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2015 12:05     Subject: Re:In any universe is this ok... Drinks with old FWB and current SOs
Anonymous wrote:I'm 43. All of you getting together for drinks sounds fine to me. I wouldn't think anything of it. In this situation, I would just tell my SO, he's someone I dated back in the day.


I'm substantially older and wiser (44) and there's zero chance that I would go out for drinks.

I see no upside--only downside with risks to current relationship.

Why potentially mess up a good current relationship to have a few drinks with an exFWB? Makes no sense to me at all.