Anonymous wrote:I just read the bit about your catching a ride home with DH.

Can you find a girlfriend to go to the gym with you during that time?

That would be the perfect slot to catch a yoga class and then take a nice long shower afterwards. You might even convince your friend to grab a quick drink with you afterwards a night or two a week.

Something as simple as that could really make a difference!

OP here.

good idea. I really need to utilize my gym membership in the city more.I will go to the gym while DH works.

I just read the bit about your catching a ride home with DH.

Can you find a girlfriend to go to the gym with you during that time?

That would be the perfect slot to catch a yoga class and then take a nice long shower afterwards. You might even convince your friend to grab a quick drink with you afterwards a night or two a week.

Something as simple as that could really make a difference!

OP, take it from us older marrieds with kids, get out of the house and live NOW!, you will have a lifetime after children to be a homebody(sitters are not cheap). Don't start a marriage being this bored/boring deliberately, time will eventually do that for you.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

me and my dh ARE introverted and homebodies. But even I tire of this schedule. I'd like to do more interactive things aside from living a routine and watching tv.

Trust me, if you're tired of this routine now, after only a year, it will really get to you later. Change it up and get more fun in you life. The happiest marriages I know have lots of outside friends, hobbies and interests.

I have been married a little over one year. We are introverted/homebody types too.

My DH and I cook dinner 5 nights out of 7, I would say. I usually do the cooking because I enjoy it more, and he cleans up. Although sometimes we switch, it depends. We love nice food and wine, and we really enjoy our cooking routine.

In the summer we often go out after dinner for a drink (this is a great way to get some out-time without spending too much money).

We do Rosetta Stone together a few nights a week because we're trying to learn a new language.

We have dinner with friends about once a week, which for us is perfect in terms of quantity of social time. I like to do something with a friend about once a week also.

When it wasn't getting dark so early we would often go on walks after dinner, too.

Sometimes we go see an opera or music performance.

It sounds like you're feeling frustrated, OP, obviously. Have you suggested introverty things (perhaps like some of the things I listed) and he is giving resistance?

OP here.

me and my dh ARE introverted and homebodies. But even I tire of this schedule. I'd like to do more interactive things aside from living a routine and watching tv.

Anonymous wrote:Don't you all have hobbies or friends? I think your routine sounds a little lazy to be honest...

DH and I have been married 4 years, but we're constantly on the go. We're meeting friends after work, cooking dinner, we have a hobby we go to 2x a week at night. We're always renovating our house after work and we do watch Netflix while we work. This time of year we spend a lot of time meeting friends downtown to do the Christmas things (see the tree, zoolights, holiday parties on Friday/Sat night).

My #1 thing for a happy marriage is to always have outside friends and not spend 100% of your time together. Because you burn out.

Unless you are a homebody or introvert. Some people like to be home. The issue is if they're not on the same page.

Do some cooking together on Sunday and heat up meals when you get home from work.

That's pretty close to our routine minus the takeout. I get home at 7 and by the time we eat and clean up it's about 8 or 8:30. We'll watch some TV and go to bed around 10:30.

Weekends we sleep in, go for a run, run errands, do work on or around the house, etc. We go out to dinner at a moderately priced restaurant about once per week. On average one weekend a month is spent with either of our extended families for birthdays or whatever.

We aren't as wealthy as a lot of people on DCUM claim to be, so going out for food or alcohol is not really part of our budget.

Our routine is not so dissimilar from yours, OP. If I get off work first, I'll head home and cook dinner (love to cook!) and then DH comes home around 8pm and we eat and talk and then do whatever homebody thing we want - netflix sometimes, often he will write and I'll work on my art, sometimes we clean or play a card game. Basically our nights start so late and our days off are so random that we don't get out every week.

If I don't get off work first and we both get home late, it's leftovers or take out or an emergency stop for a frozen dinner at the grocery store, then netflix and bed.

Now, one of the reasons we fell into this pattern (besides our schedules) is that I've been battling cancer for two years. As I'm doing so well now, for Christmas DH is receiving "The 12 Dates of Christmas" so that once a month next year I'll arrange a really memorable date - whale watching, summer outdoor movie, cooking class, snow shoeing. We will ease back into regular activity and still enjoy being indoor cats with one another.

We have been married for going on 3 years now. We have a 6 month old. Before the baby came, our routine involved going out at least 1-2x a week, at least just to grab a drink and be on a "date". Now that we have the child, going out that much is hard, but we still seem to manage to do it one night a week, though we're limited to places where you can take a child (he is pretty quiet, that helps). Otherwise, I (husband) have always cooked at home; I find it is really relaxing to have some wine and make dinner. DW used to help with the cooking, but now she tends to feed the baby, though we swap off with that. Fairly frequently she doesn't get home until later - after I've put the baby down - so we just sit down for dinner when that happens.

We never have take out in the car, but on nights when we both get home late (1-2x a month) we'll get takeout (I just don't have time to cook).

The only sad part is that we now go to bed by 9-9:30, but that's better than sleep deprivation (baby STTN, since 5 wks, we're very lucky), because the day starts at 5AM.

Well can't you leave work early and do something? I mean, you said you're downtown. I presume downtown DC. So couldn't you meet up with friends, or hit a happy hour with friends or even just walk around, shop, go to the library, take yourself out to dinner... anything, during that 1-3 hour gap between when you can leave and when your DH can leave?

Is the metro or metro + bus an option for you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you all have hobbies or friends? I think your routine sounds a little lazy to be honest...

DH and I have been married 4 years, but we're constantly on the go. We're meeting friends after work, cooking dinner, we have a hobby we go to 2x a week at night. We're always renovating our house after work and we do watch Netflix while we work. This time of year we spend a lot of time meeting friends downtown to do the Christmas things (see the tree, zoolights, holiday parties on Friday/Sat night).

My #1 thing for a happy marriage is to always have outside friends and not spend 100% of your time together. Because you burn out.

OP here. We don't have any friends at the moment. Also, we live in Vienna while everyone we know lives in Alrington, DC proper. I know our routine sucks. I wish we could shake it up! We're too young to feel like this.

PP here. We live in Reston (so further out) but still have lots of friends. You have to put in effort. I know lots of 20 somethings who live in Vienna. What about your neighbors?

When do you get home every night?

I get home at 5:45 (short commute) and DH gets home between 5-9pm (he works long hours). I do think you should live closer to your jobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married for 11 years now and have two little kids and this sounds a little sad to me. You never cook? You don't go to happy hours with friends? You don't host dinner parties? You don't go to cafes and peoplewatch? You don't go for hikes or go to the Shenandoah or go apple picking?

I mean, Netflix is great. But the last time I did want you guys do every day I was nursing a newborn and stuck in a chair for several weeks. You're presumably young, don't you want to have experiences you'll remember when you're old and invalid and can only sit around watching TV?

Eh, this is probably a troll post, though, so I guess it doesn't really matter what you respond.

We're in our late twenties and work downtown and live in Vienna. DH usually works late, 7-8 and by the time we get home its 9-9:30pm. We don't have time for elaborate meals during the week day. Also, we don't usually have a lot of friends and living in Vienna and the commute means we are pretty solitary.

Do you like your life how it is now? I'd kill myself if I got home at 9pm every night. Seriously. You're just living to work at that point, with no time to actually have a life. Two hours of commuting? Can that even be right considering you claim to drive (Vienna from the district has gotta be more like a 40-minute drive at 7pm).

Move closer in. We lived in a divey but safe shitty apartment in Courthouse pre kids. It was so worth it to be home in 15 minutes. Then you can have time together to build a life. If you want kids, you'll probably want to move toward a lifestyle where you'll actually see them before 9:30pm, anyway.

I'm absolutely not happy with my life right now! I'm always depressed and feel like I'm missing out. This commute has made it hard for me to make or keep friends. I can leave work early 5 or 6 but i get a ride from my dh so I usually wind up waiting for him and leave work at 8.

It sucks.

Two suggestions:

1. Join a club or set up happy hours with friends from 6pm until 8pm every night. Then you're socializing and having fun while you're waiting for your husband.

2. Move in closer. Seriously, you can find comparatively priced apartments closer in than Vienna. I'm PP who lived in a tiny old apartment in Courthouse. It was $1200/month and it was crappy and old but living so close in rocked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you all have hobbies or friends? I think your routine sounds a little lazy to be honest...

DH and I have been married 4 years, but we're constantly on the go. We're meeting friends after work, cooking dinner, we have a hobby we go to 2x a week at night. We're always renovating our house after work and we do watch Netflix while we work. This time of year we spend a lot of time meeting friends downtown to do the Christmas things (see the tree, zoolights, holiday parties on Friday/Sat night).

My #1 thing for a happy marriage is to always have outside friends and not spend 100% of your time together. Because you burn out.

OP here. We don't have any friends at the moment. Also, we live in Vienna while everyone we know lives in Alrington, DC proper. I know our routine sucks. I wish we could shake it up! We're too young to feel like this.

PP here. We live in Reston (so further out) but still have lots of friends. You have to put in effort. I know lots of 20 somethings who live in Vienna. What about your neighbors?

When do you get home every night?