We support my MIL. I am saddened by the nasty comments. My MIL has dementia, lost everything (people took advantage of her) and we had no choice but to move her to our home, replace everything she needed (and regularly maintain) and get her into a nursing home. She did get food stamps when she lived with us. Now she is in a medicaid bed nursing home but only gets $75 a month of her social security (but right now they are being scummy and taking it all and not buying her anything but I got it fixed, I think) so we just spend a lot getting her new (more) clothing, shoes and more as it gets ruined by laundry lost. If I was in her situation, I would hope my kid and wife did the same for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! My parents are in a developing country where retirement age is 55 years. My dad (sole breadwinner) retired almost 20 years ago when most of my siblings and I were still in school so obviously all that $$ went to school fees. I send them $200 a month to supplement their income from businesses and they are always grateful. My in-laws are not retired but they "expect" us to give them monthly financial assistance.

Why?

They like to live above their means - driving luxury cars, they are building a luxury retirement home that their income can't etc - they feel entitled because they "sacrificed to give everyone a better life."

I could not live with this. They would not get a penny from me.

So they are ok taking money from their grandchildren? Because that is the effect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! My parents are in a developing country where retirement age is 55 years. My dad (sole breadwinner) retired almost 20 years ago when most of my siblings and I were still in school so obviously all that $$ went to school fees. I send them $200 a month to supplement their income from businesses and they are always grateful. My in-laws are not retired but they "expect" us to give them monthly financial assistance.

Why?

They like to live above their means - driving luxury cars, they are building a luxury retirement home that their income can't etc - they feel entitled because they "sacrificed to give everyone a better life."

My parents died before I was married. DH's parents have pensions, Social Security, and income from investments.

Anonymous wrote:Not fully, but I help my mother pay for food, energy when oil prices are high, upkeep on the house, etc. Not married, so no spouse involved. I do have siblings and they prefer to ignore the fact that our mother survives on minimal SS.

Does your mother qualify for food stamps, HEAP, etc.?

Anonymous wrote:Yes! My parents are in a developing country where retirement age is 55 years. My dad (sole breadwinner) retired almost 20 years ago when most of my siblings and I were still in school so obviously all that $$ went to school fees. I send them $200 a month to supplement their income from businesses and they are always grateful. My in-laws are not retired but they "expect" us to give them monthly financial assistance.

Why?

Yes! My parents are in a developing country where retirement age is 55 years. My dad (sole breadwinner) retired almost 20 years ago when most of my siblings and I were still in school so obviously all that $$ went to school fees. I send them $200 a month to supplement their income from businesses and they are always grateful. My in-laws are not retired but they "expect" us to give them monthly financial assistance.

Yes, my parents live with us.

I am white. I supported my dad for 5 years and provide some financial support to my mom (money for mortgage, health insurance, gifts, airfare to visit us, etc). Definitely isn't awesome.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious if you all are white? I think culturally it seems more common for other races to live with their parents or support previous generations. My WASP family and my inlaws would never live or rely on us. They've saved for 40 years for retirement. My mom even said recently that money only flows downhill. So while I wish I had more family help in other areas of my life, as least they won't rely on us in old age.

My late mom used to say that too. She was a low-earning secretary and squirreled money away for 30+ years for retirement. In the end she needed it for assisted living, for several years. She left her four kids $800,000.

We give both sets of parents 600 dollars each a month and plenty of gifts. Still believe in the concept of fillial piety here.

No. Both my parents and my husband's are in a far better position than we are, financially.

We don't support my parents financially and they won't need it. But when my dad passes away, we'll invite my mom to join us so she's not alone. She'll probably turn us down, unless the rest of my siblings move away from the city they're all in together. If we had an in-law suite to offer her, maybe she'd consider it for at least part of the year.

DH's parents, on the other hand, will need help. We already pay for their health insurance, medical bills when something big comes up, and their airfare for when they're willing to visit us. They have nothing saved for retirement - nothing. So, we'll likely be covering their rent & food when MIL can no longer work, splitting it with my SIL if she's able to help out, and then they may move in with us if we're able to sort out health insurance for them out here, but it's complicated, and anyway, none of this is really on the table while FIL is still with us - he's abusive and an alcoholic, so I'm not willing to have him live with the kids. I'll make sure they've got a home and food to eat, but it's tricky. Family's tricky.

I know a family whose adult child lied about "supporting" the dad. In truth, the dad was supporting the son (also his wife and family). This story struck me as especially sad. It takes all kinds, doesn't it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not fully, but I help my mother pay for food, energy when oil prices are high, upkeep on the house, etc. Not married, so no spouse involved. I do have siblings and they prefer to ignore the fact that our mother survives on minimal SS.

I do something very similar. My sibling lives closer to my mother and also provides financial and physical support. My mother is terrible at long term planning and is completely clueless regarding finances. It sounds terrible, but I get very resentful when she needs support after watching her squander resources over her lifetime, never have a long term plan and expect that she will be someone else's responsibility. It makes me feel like a bad daughter to be so frustrated with her.

I am the first pp and often feel much as you do. I think those feelings are behind much of my siblings choices as well. My mother is definitely in her situation in large part because she never planned or seemed to think about retirement. She assumed she'd be taken care of by a husband, and when my father left her, seemed incapable of planning for her own future. But at this point that is water under the bridge. She didn't make *bad* life choices -- she didn't throw away any money or waste it -- she just didn't do what I, and most responsible adults, do to try and ensure they can live in retirement. So, I try to look the other way about how she came to have so little and do what I can to help. When I start to feel guilty about not helping more I remind myself that she made choices that she needs to live with, as do we all.