Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:45     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
OP, if you don't have kids and don't love him anymore -- hey, you're the one who uses past tense -- then let him go. Find someone as shallow as yourself. You're not going to grow any deeper. Let him find someone who loves him for himself.

You may be shocked to discover that he finds someone else first.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:42     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

He shouldn't have been anxious he knows all the people we were out with.


Did you ever think that he's anxious because he feels your negative feelings about him?

I feel so bad for your husband.


He wasn't anxious. PP assumed he was, I was explaining there was no reason for him to be, this is just how he is one way or another he sticks out like a sore thumb. I'd just wish he'd blend a little more.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:37     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe your dh knows this and was eager in order to impress you. I feel bad for the guy! Does he have friends?


Maybe he was trying. He always tries too hard, and it's just to much.

Did I mention the dancing? He had to convince everyone to dance, and I do love dancing, but he's so bad at it.

I suppose he always was a dork, it wasn't such a big deal when were younger, but I feel like the standard is different now that we're in our 30s.

As for why I married him he's a nice guy, smart, decent family, we had fun together, I guess I loved him.


This makes me laugh. When you were younger? Did you marry when you were 15? Good God, you're in your 30s--you're still young.

OP, your DH is comfortable with who he is. I'm hoping you'll learn to be less shallow as you age. Not sure what will help, but you're the one who really needs it. Your DH could buy a better wardrobe or workout more, but you need to grow up.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:36     Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:I can relate. My husband doesn't have any friends. I think it is because he isn't that interesting. The few times we socialize, it is with my friends. He loves interacting, but comes across as desperate, trying to please and just won't stop talking. He can't tell when the others are getting bored. He talks about the same stuff all the time.

He wasn't always like this but is now in a rut and not interested in much. A little depressed. Tried to help but he doesn't feel he needs any.

Yes, I get embarrassed - mentioned it to him once that friends were getting bored hearing stories about his best friend in college that no one knows. He got mad at me.

I just try and ignore it or kick him under the table/change the subject when things aren't going well.



Thank You ! I get so embarrassed when he won't stop talking, and it's worse when he gets excited about the topic, in addition to the stuttering and word jumbling we get sound effects.

He does have some friends though, most we no longer see, and the few that we do are far less cringeworthy than my husband.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:35     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Maybe you're hanging out in the wrong crowds OP. My friends seem most impressed with couples who are happy and doing marriage right. If you two were clearly still in love, that's something my friends would admire.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:32     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:

He shouldn't have been anxious he knows all the people we were out with.


Did you ever think that he's anxious because he feels your negative feelings about him?

I feel so bad for your husband.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:30     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Poor guy ?


Hardly. He has a good life.


that was supposed to be a sad face, not a ?

I feel really bad for him. I would be heartbroken if my spouse posted/thought this kind of stuff about me.


It's nothing he doesn't know. He knows he's got terrible fashion sense, he knows he's a nerd that can't dance, he thinks he's fat . I haven't told him any of this.
I can't help noticing other men in comparison.
It's not like I go home and berate him. I've tried helping him ie the clothing. We're still married. I'm not leaving him. We still have sex. We spend "quality couple time" together.
Like I said. Hardly.



Omg. Each time you post I feel worse for him.


Indeed. OP comes across as a nasty, worthless, boring person.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:28     Subject: Re:I'm ashamed of my husband.
I can relate. My husband doesn't have any friends. I think it is because he isn't that interesting. The few times we socialize, it is with my friends. He loves interacting, but comes across as desperate, trying to please and just won't stop talking. He can't tell when the others are getting bored. He talks about the same stuff all the time.

He wasn't always like this but is now in a rut and not interested in much. A little depressed. Tried to help but he doesn't feel he needs any.

Yes, I get embarrassed - mentioned it to him once that friends were getting bored hearing stories about his best friend in college that no one knows. He got mad at me.

I just try and ignore it or kick him under the table/change the subject when things aren't going well.

Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:28     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Poor guy ?


Hardly. He has a good life.


that was supposed to be a sad face, not a ?

I feel really bad for him. I would be heartbroken if my spouse posted/thought this kind of stuff about me.


It's nothing he doesn't know. He knows he's got terrible fashion sense, he knows he's a nerd that can't dance, he thinks he's fat . I haven't told him any of this.
I can't help noticing other men in comparison.
It's not like I go home and berate him. I've tried helping him ie the clothing. We're still married. I'm not leaving him. We still have sex. We spend "quality couple time" together.
Like I said. Hardly.



Omg. Each time you post I feel worse for him.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:26     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Poor guy ?


Hardly. He has a good life.


that was supposed to be a sad face, not a ?

I feel really bad for him. I would be heartbroken if my spouse posted/thought this kind of stuff about me.


It's nothing he doesn't know. He knows he's got terrible fashion sense, he knows he's a nerd that can't dance, he thinks he's fat . I haven't told him any of this.
I can't help noticing other men in comparison.
It's not like I go home and berate him. I've tried helping him ie the clothing. We're still married. I'm not leaving him. We still have sex. We spend "quality couple time" together.
Like I said. Hardly.

Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:25     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
OP, I think you need some heavy duty therapy so that you can gain access to the love you must feel for this man. This feeling of shame is coming from your own low self esteem and is really about being ashamed of yourself and not him. You feel that he somehow represents you. He does not. He is his own person who represents himself and you either love this man or you do not. Please get help. You have a really big problem to deal with.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:24     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel a little terrible for thinking this way, but it's the truth.
It's just when I see my colleagues with their spouses, my husband seems so basic and unsophisticated. He's embarrassing.
He's a terrible dresser with a bad haircut. I've given up on the hair, but I try to help him put, but even that doesn't help. Tonight I picked out a nice outfit for him to wear to dinner with our friends. What does he do? He some how gets it dirty , and comes back down dressed in a blue shirt and maroon pants. Of course we're running late so there's no time for him to change.
At dinner he orders way too much food, and gets a doggy bag. He doesn't need the extra food he's already too think around the middle. I seriously don't know how he has middle age pudge as he works out and is only 32.
If that wasn't enough I was cringing as he participated in the conversation. He didn't say anything wrong in particular, he was just a little to eager to participate and was stumbling and stuttering over his words, and repeated himself.
I try to focus on his good qualities. He has a steady job and career that he loves, and makes a decent income, but even that is a downside as he could be further than where he is if he were just a little more ambitious.
No, I'm not contemplating an affair, and I want a divorce.
I do wonder what it would be like to have a husband that was more impressive.


You want a divorce b/c your husband is unimpressive.

OP, do you realize how shallow you are? Even if the divorce part is a typo (Freudian slip), you are still extremely shallow. You should be ashamed of yourself.



That was a typo. I don't want a divorce. Maybe I'm shallow, but it's how I feel.


OK, allow me to be blunt:

Your feelings are completely invalid. You are cunt for having them, much less expressing them.

I'm sorry if you thought you'd get sympathy by posting this on DCUM. Maybe you confused this with a being a safe place where it was OK to vent. It's not.

You suck. You are a rancid cunt.

Do the man a favor and leave him.


I doubt he could do better, and I don't want to leave him.


Finding someone who loves him unconditionally would be better.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:21     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel a little terrible for thinking this way, but it's the truth.
It's just when I see my colleagues with their spouses, my husband seems so basic and unsophisticated. He's embarrassing.
He's a terrible dresser with a bad haircut. I've given up on the hair, but I try to help him put, but even that doesn't help. Tonight I picked out a nice outfit for him to wear to dinner with our friends. What does he do? He some how gets it dirty , and comes back down dressed in a blue shirt and maroon pants. Of course we're running late so there's no time for him to change.
At dinner he orders way too much food, and gets a doggy bag. He doesn't need the extra food he's already too think around the middle. I seriously don't know how he has middle age pudge as he works out and is only 32.
If that wasn't enough I was cringing as he participated in the conversation. He didn't say anything wrong in particular, he was just a little to eager to participate and was stumbling and stuttering over his words, and repeated himself.
I try to focus on his good qualities. He has a steady job and career that he loves, and makes a decent income, but even that is a downside as he could be further than where he is if he were just a little more ambitious.
No, I'm not contemplating an affair, and I want a divorce.
I do wonder what it would be like to have a husband that was more impressive.


You want a divorce b/c your husband is unimpressive.

OP, do you realize how shallow you are? Even if the divorce part is a typo (Freudian slip), you are still extremely shallow. You should be ashamed of yourself.



That was a typo. I don't want a divorce. Maybe I'm shallow, but it's how I feel.


OK, allow me to be blunt:

Your feelings are completely invalid. You are cunt for having them, much less expressing them.

I'm sorry if you thought you'd get sympathy by posting this on DCUM. Maybe you confused this with a being a safe place where it was OK to vent. It's not.

You suck. You are a rancid cunt.

Do the man a favor and leave him.


I doubt he could do better, and I don't want to leave him.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:20     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Poor guy ?


Hardly. He has a good life.


that was supposed to be a sad face, not a ?

I feel really bad for him. I would be heartbroken if my spouse posted/thought this kind of stuff about me.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2015 23:18     Subject: I'm ashamed of my husband.
Anonymous wrote:Poor guy ?


Hardly. He has a good life.