Anonymous
11/26/2015 07:33
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
I can't imagine a scenario where a friend or coworker would interrogate me about a boyfriend's FB friends and whether he has romantic links. If someone did, I would think they were nuts.
You sound highly anxious, to the point where you are the engine of your own destruction with these problems.
You sound highly anxious, to the point where you are the engine of your own destruction with these problems.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 07:31
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
OP, I would spend much more time getting to know him since you already see a red flag in the compatibility between you. There is nothing magical about a certain amount of time like 18 months. The FB thing might seem like a small, isolated thing, like if he would just unfriend those people you had specified, everything would be perfect. But you might look back and see it as something you should have heeded. It could be the tip of an iceberg. Not in a negative way necessarily. It could be a signal of who he is and be connected to many other similar things that you just can't see yet. This could be a key part of who he is.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 07:30
Subject: Re:Staying in touch with exes via social media
Man here, I find you very insecure and controlling, and I would consider this near break-up level offense if you harped on my to clean up my FB profile for the reasons you stated. My DW and I are FB friends with lots of past friends, hook-ups, etc. They are part of our past and so long as they aren't interfering with our present, who cares?
I don't think you are wrong to have your feelings. There are plenty of men who feel similarly to how you feel and would similarly insist you delete old male friends you were once intimate with. I don't think you are compatible. Maybe time to rethink this relationship.
I don't think you are wrong to have your feelings. There are plenty of men who feel similarly to how you feel and would similarly insist you delete old male friends you were once intimate with. I don't think you are compatible. Maybe time to rethink this relationship.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 07:26
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
OP, I think you're over-thinking this.
I am friends on FB with several exes, and basically just because we are in some of the same social circles. I don't want to re-bang them. I barely even keep up with them. They are minor planets in my solar system. To unfriend them would be weirder than staying friends.
He's posted that he's in a relationship. Either that's good enough, or it's not. But asking someone to change for you is always a recipe for disaster. And honestly, asking him to change 6 months into the relationship should be a major red flag--for him.
Keep pressing this, and I won't be surprised if he breaks up with you.
I am friends on FB with several exes, and basically just because we are in some of the same social circles. I don't want to re-bang them. I barely even keep up with them. They are minor planets in my solar system. To unfriend them would be weirder than staying friends.
He's posted that he's in a relationship. Either that's good enough, or it's not. But asking someone to change for you is always a recipe for disaster. And honestly, asking him to change 6 months into the relationship should be a major red flag--for him.
Keep pressing this, and I won't be surprised if he breaks up with you.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 07:22
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
Anonymous wrote:Why would being FB friends with someone mean that people would know who he slept with? You're asking for way too much, OP. You're overthinking this. Maybe this guy isn't right for you. This clearly means a lot more to you than it does to him. That's fine if it does, but you can't expect him to conform to your social media privacy profile just for your peace of mind.
+1 It's a huge stretch to imagine someone he slept with 5 years ago would somehow be recognized on FB by one of your colleagues or friends and it would come out that they slept together. I mean...what? That's over-the-top. And really, who cares? Why does it bother you that people know he had past sexual partners? He's in his 30s!
It's fine that you're private and he should respect your wish to not include you in his FB posts but you need to respect that he is,less private than you about his own life - plus he's not ashamed of his srxual history, and he shouldn't be. Stop nudging him , OP! Leave it alone.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 06:58
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP you sound controlling and very insecure.
The poor guy -- did you make him divulge who he has slept with to you? I have been married 15years and have no clue (not a one!) who my DH's exes were/are - so I have no clue if he is current FB with them. Even if there were 50 and he was FB friends with all 50--- I would not care. Not a single care. I am not on FB because I truly am a private person, so I don't have a clue what his social media presence is.
But what I do know is how strong our marriage is. And how great a husband and father he is.
Grow up, OP. Have some self-esteem. If he really loves you it doesn't matter what's on FB. It definitely should not matter to you.
Good luck. Or, you will find yourself scaring this guy away.
No, I didn't make him divulge. He brought it up at first. He asked something about my number, or my exes. I didn't volunteer my number, and said (and have said repeatedly since) that I don't want to know his. But, from conversations when we've been out at public events and him seeing someone he's been with, I've gathered that it is quite high. He asked if a friend who commented on a FB post of mine was an ex. I said, no, I'm friends with very few exes/people I've slept with on FB. He then said, wow, that's not the case for me, grabbed his phone, went down his friends list through the 'A's and volunteered that there were 5.
It's obvious I'm coming across as jealous or insecure on here, and I'm genuinely not, though I think convincing you of that is a lost cause at this point. I know he had a promiscuous phase. I understand why. I accept it. I'm just questioning if the fact that he feels the need to have digital remembrances of it means that he isn't ready to be in a serious relationship.
This is weird to me. It strikes me as sort of irresponsible in a bury your head in the sand kind of way to have no clue about your spouse's past relationships.
OP, 5 people in the A's? Gross. He sounds like a player.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 06:44
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
Yes, it's clear that you two are not compatible and should break up. OP, you might want to look closely at all the rules you have for living your life, eg, length of time one may date before it must turn into an engagement. Does sound like you need to control things in a way that's not healthy.Anonymous wrote:OP, if this bothers you so much, he's not the guy for you. Just accept it and move on.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 06:40
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
I would end it. He's too much of a player.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 06:35
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
OP, having FB friends isn't 'having digital remembrances' of past loves. Not everyone sees FB like you do. Some people just friend anyone, and that's ok. Asking him or expecting him to unfriend people because you think it looks bad isn't fair to him. Seriously, no one cares that much about FB.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 05:38
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
He is a player and insensitive to your needs. If I went down an alphabetical list with my gf and reached 5 women I screwed in the "A's" and pointed them out to her I wouldn't expect to have a GF. On the other hand you also sound insecure and controlling, no one gives a shit about FB. I think you are both wrong for each other. If you can't handle social media then how can you handle your own life together?
Anonymous
11/26/2015 03:36
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
I get it OP
I think it sucks and he's a total narcissistic jerk.
He's very insensitive to you
If he is as clueless as this , I wouldn't see him as long term potential.
He's a total braggart that should remain a bachelor.
I think it sucks and he's a total narcissistic jerk.
He's very insensitive to you
If he is as clueless as this , I wouldn't see him as long term potential.
He's a total braggart that should remain a bachelor.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 03:12
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, if this bothers you so much, he's not the guy for you. Just accept it and move on.
Pretty much this.
For the record I agree with you.
Me too! I agree. It would bother me so he's not the one for me.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 01:43
Subject: Re:Staying in touch with exes via social media
OP, now you sound nuts and he sounds narcissist.
Anonymous
11/26/2015 00:51
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
So you think that your friends will think that he had sex with any woman he's friends with on FB?
Anonymous
11/26/2015 00:15
Subject: Staying in touch with exes via social media
Anonymous wrote:OP you sound controlling and very insecure.
The poor guy -- did you make him divulge who he has slept with to you? I have been married 15years and have no clue (not a one!) who my DH's exes were/are - so I have no clue if he is current FB with them. Even if there were 50 and he was FB friends with all 50--- I would not care. Not a single care. I am not on FB because I truly am a private person, so I don't have a clue what his social media presence is.
But what I do know is how strong our marriage is. And how great a husband and father he is.
Grow up, OP. Have some self-esteem. If he really loves you it doesn't matter what's on FB. It definitely should not matter to you.
Good luck. Or, you will find yourself scaring this guy away.
No, I didn't make him divulge. He brought it up at first. He asked something about my number, or my exes. I didn't volunteer my number, and said (and have said repeatedly since) that I don't want to know his. But, from conversations when we've been out at public events and him seeing someone he's been with, I've gathered that it is quite high. He asked if a friend who commented on a FB post of mine was an ex. I said, no, I'm friends with very few exes/people I've slept with on FB. He then said, wow, that's not the case for me, grabbed his phone, went down his friends list through the 'A's and volunteered that there were 5.
It's obvious I'm coming across as jealous or insecure on here, and I'm genuinely not, though I think convincing you of that is a lost cause at this point. I know he had a promiscuous phase. I understand why. I accept it. I'm just questioning if the fact that he feels the need to have digital remembrances of it means that he isn't ready to be in a serious relationship.