Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 22:15     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Anonymous wrote:I find it bizarre when people feel that holidays/birthdays are a time to order the things they want.

A gift is supposed to be a surprise. A reflection of the giver and the relationship between you. Yes, it should be something appropriate, but I am not your personal Amazon. Keep your wish lists to yourself.

When I give you a Sushi Scented Yankee Candle because I know you like sushi and your house is always so dark, just say "Thank you."



I adore you.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 20:39     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Anonymous wrote:^^I meant to add, you should totally try to put the sweater on your kid. "Here Jimmy, lets put this on" and make a big show of putting it on one of his arms. "Hmm, seems a little snug, how about if we yank right here?".



I DID EXACTLY THIS!!! I really wanted her to understand that SIZES MATTER. She was really upset. My MIL is a total ditz.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 19:15     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, my ILs insist on wish lists, which is fine for kids but I feel really uncomfortable with making a list for myself. It just feels grubbing and gross.


Uhh how bout my mil sends her kids a wish list for herself. Doesn't request one from anyone, but makes sure to send her own each year to her kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc. She is retIred and extremely financially comfortable. That is grubbing and gross.


Unless she's asking for pricey gifts, OP, isn't it just possible that your financially comfortable MIL sends these lists because she wants to ensure that her "kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc." don't spend too much on her? This might be, to her way of thinking, a method to ensure that her kids who have a lot of financial obligations aren't floundering as they try to decide what to get her and end up spending more than they should. I know that one reason my mom made gift suggestions for herself at times (never a list, though) was because she wanted to be sure we didn't go out and spend much on her.

You could give your MIL the benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe her lists are intended to help her more cash-strapped adult kids, not grub presents from them for her comfy retirement. Maybe lists are never polite, period, but it might be a sincere if misguided effort on her part to do the right thing, even if it backfires where you're concerned.


PP here. Nope. She is grubby and the list is grubby. Last time I saw her, DH complimented her shoes. Her snappy response: "Your sister bought them for me. When's the last time you bought me anything?"


This is horrid.


My MIL isn't quite this bad- but close. So I feel your pain, OP of this story.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 15:53     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
I do an Amazon list for my kids, because the grandparents request it. But if someone doesn't ask, it's rude to offer.

What I try to do is, throughout the year, keep my parents up-to-date on the kids' interests. They know that Larla loves puzzles and is up to the 100-piece size, and that she will be starting soccer this fall, and that she is really enjoying a particular series or type of books. That kind of thing. So they have an idea that puzzles, or something soccer-related, or books, or whatever, might be a good gift.

Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 14:30     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
I find it bizarre when people feel that holidays/birthdays are a time to order the things they want.

A gift is supposed to be a surprise. A reflection of the giver and the relationship between you. Yes, it should be something appropriate, but I am not your personal Amazon. Keep your wish lists to yourself.

When I give you a Sushi Scented Yankee Candle because I know you like sushi and your house is always so dark, just say "Thank you."
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 13:56     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, my ILs insist on wish lists, which is fine for kids but I feel really uncomfortable with making a list for myself. It just feels grubbing and gross.


Uhh how bout my mil sends her kids a wish list for herself. Doesn't request one from anyone, but makes sure to send her own each year to her kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc. She is retIred and extremely financially comfortable. That is grubbing and gross.


Unless she's asking for pricey gifts, OP, isn't it just possible that your financially comfortable MIL sends these lists because she wants to ensure that her "kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc." don't spend too much on her? This might be, to her way of thinking, a method to ensure that her kids who have a lot of financial obligations aren't floundering as they try to decide what to get her and end up spending more than they should. I know that one reason my mom made gift suggestions for herself at times (never a list, though) was because she wanted to be sure we didn't go out and spend much on her.

You could give your MIL the benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe her lists are intended to help her more cash-strapped adult kids, not grub presents from them for her comfy retirement. Maybe lists are never polite, period, but it might be a sincere if misguided effort on her part to do the right thing, even if it backfires where you're concerned.


PP here. Nope. She is grubby and the list is grubby. Last time I saw her, DH complimented her shoes. Her snappy response: "Your sister bought them for me. When's the last time you bought me anything?"


This is horrid.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 13:44     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Anonymous wrote:If they don't ask, it's incredibly rude.


+10000
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 13:13     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
If they don't ask, it's incredibly rude.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 13:11     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Make wish lists on Pinterest. If your MIL doesn't already "follow" you, suggest that she do so---under the guise of something else. "Oh Judy, do you know about pinterest? I know how much you love to find new baking recipes, and I've been getting tons of ideas on pinterest. You should create an account and we can follow each other so we can share ideas!"
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 09:24     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Even for those who ask (and my in-laws do), I'm not really comfortable sending amazon wish lists, as they rub me the wrong way. I tend to give them more vague ideas, like "Johnny is really into legos right now, especially those starwars ones". If they press, I might send a couple links.

I have said things like "Oh! If you haven't picked out a gift for Susie yet and want some ideas, let me know. There's an XYZ she'd love that we weren't planning on getting." In those cases though, that's usually genuine, and not me trying to game the gifts. Sometimes that's enough of an opening for them to ask about the other kids.

Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 09:12     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, my ILs insist on wish lists, which is fine for kids but I feel really uncomfortable with making a list for myself. It just feels grubbing and gross.


Uhh how bout my mil sends her kids a wish list for herself. Doesn't request one from anyone, but makes sure to send her own each year to her kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc. She is retIred and extremely financially comfortable. That is grubbing and gross.


Unless she's asking for pricey gifts, OP, isn't it just possible that your financially comfortable MIL sends these lists because she wants to ensure that her "kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc." don't spend too much on her? This might be, to her way of thinking, a method to ensure that her kids who have a lot of financial obligations aren't floundering as they try to decide what to get her and end up spending more than they should. I know that one reason my mom made gift suggestions for herself at times (never a list, though) was because she wanted to be sure we didn't go out and spend much on her.

You could give your MIL the benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe her lists are intended to help her more cash-strapped adult kids, not grub presents from them for her comfy retirement. Maybe lists are never polite, period, but it might be a sincere if misguided effort on her part to do the right thing, even if it backfires where you're concerned.


PP here. Nope. She is grubby and the list is grubby. Last time I saw her, DH complimented her shoes. Her snappy response: "Your sister bought them for me. When's the last time you bought me anything?"
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 09:00     Subject: Re:Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Sorry, the above is address to that PP quoted, not to the OP....
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 08:59     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:On the contrary, my ILs insist on wish lists, which is fine for kids but I feel really uncomfortable with making a list for myself. It just feels grubbing and gross.


Uhh how bout my mil sends her kids a wish list for herself. Doesn't request one from anyone, but makes sure to send her own each year to her kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc. She is retIred and extremely financially comfortable. That is grubbing and gross.


Unless she's asking for pricey gifts, OP, isn't it just possible that your financially comfortable MIL sends these lists because she wants to ensure that her "kids who have mortgages, student loans, etc." don't spend too much on her? This might be, to her way of thinking, a method to ensure that her kids who have a lot of financial obligations aren't floundering as they try to decide what to get her and end up spending more than they should. I know that one reason my mom made gift suggestions for herself at times (never a list, though) was because she wanted to be sure we didn't go out and spend much on her.

You could give your MIL the benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe her lists are intended to help her more cash-strapped adult kids, not grub presents from them for her comfy retirement. Maybe lists are never polite, period, but it might be a sincere if misguided effort on her part to do the right thing, even if it backfires where you're concerned.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 08:39     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
^^I meant to add, you should totally try to put the sweater on your kid. "Here Jimmy, lets put this on" and make a big show of putting it on one of his arms. "Hmm, seems a little snug, how about if we yank right here?".

Anonymous
Post 11/20/2015 08:38     Subject: Is it rude to send inlaws wish lists?
Anonymous wrote:In the same boat and very frustrated. To make it worse my mil gives totally developmentally incorrect toys to them. She Gave my then three year a sleep sheep to attach to his nonexistent crib and when he was a newborn gave him 3d dinosaur puzzles. She gave me 3T clothes for my baby girl (born well after the sleep sheep gift) when she was a newborn and gave my 5 year old 12 month sweaters (it's so cute he can probably squeeze into it?). Very strange. At least goodwill gets nice things, but my inlaws are annoyed that we never use their gifts.


Sorry but I laughed. I'd make this a game of "how ridiculous can it get?". I mean honestly, this is comedic gold. A 5 year old in a 12 month sweater?! My DD is 16 months and hasn't been able to wear 12 month clothing since March.