Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is the same way. I am always with the kids when she's around. It's sad, but I just can't trust her with them. It's my kids' safety. Hopefully your DH will agree with you.

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. If DH doesn't agree with me, I'll just have to put my foot down and bring up the peanut butter fiasco, among other things. Depressing.

OP

I don't think the peanut butter is that big of a deal, but batteries? Leaving her at the top of the stairs? Both neglectful.

OP said the MIL gave the kid PB "just to make sure she was really allergic." Giving a child you know has a peanut allergy something with peanuts in it is definitely a big deal.

It was a huge deal to us and we almost left the house. This was after the battery and stairs incident and was the final straw. I have a lot of patience with my inlaws but that was dangerous and disrespectful. To their credit they did apologize and have never doubted us again.

Op

I'm frankly surprised you're visiting them at their house, with the allergy issue.

I wouldn't go back there until your child was old enough to be trusted not to eat anything that doesn't come from you.

"Honey, if a babysitter did what your parents did, we'd fire them, instantly. I want your parents to spend time with the kids, but they can't babysit. Let's not set your parents up to fail by leaving them alone, even for five minutes, with the kids."

Also: You're with them for Thanskgiving and Christmas? And giving up your family vacation? Nope. Nope, nope, nope, never agree to this again.

Last time I left my toddler alone with ILs for 5 mins they put him in the hammock and walked off. Of course he fell out on our brick patio and nearly knocked his teeth out. MIL had to take a call, FIL went to get a camera.... Yeah, never again.

Whatever you do, don't leave them alone with your kids for even a minute, at home or out. Don't allow them to bathe them especially, a brain-injuring near-drowning can happen in minutes and in inches of water. I know a family that this happened to and it is sad and preventable.

Fwiw we buy our dog organic bakery treats and snack on them too-they are human grade and quite good.

My ILs are exactly like this!! My DH and his brother tell horror stories of their childhood. One time when my IL were watching my son when he was 2, we came home and he came running into the room with a knife in his hand that he was holding by the blade. There are too many things to even mention. So, That was the last time they watched him alone after that until he was 6 almost 7. When she says he can do something that's against our safety rules. I will tell him right in front of her that he has to sit in time out. She will say, but I told him he could and I have to say, but he knows our rules and that is against them.

Here's what you may need to do since your husband seems to have forgotten. Either talk to him and ask what the big deal is if you guys are there with the ILs. Tell him you want to wait a few more years till your kids need less one-on-one supervision. Or if you think he's not going to change his mind. The night you guys are supposed to go out and leave the kids with the ILs just say you've had a long day and you're tiered, headache, backache or whatever.

I like a PP's idea about not making an announcement, but not letting it happen.
Let them plan a day at the park, for example, and then your plans "fall through" wink wink and you all end up at the lark together.
You see them once a year, so this should work for this period of time.
I COMPLETELY agree with you about not leaving them alone. That was a horrible story !

Nope. ILs screwed up with DC. We have never left them alone together again. We always say, We're taking them with us" or "We made other arrangements." Let them be bitter, your child's safety is your priority, not making sure grandparents get to babysit when and how they want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is the same way. I am always with the kids when she's around. It's sad, but I just can't trust her with them. It's my kids' safety. Hopefully your DH will agree with you.

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. If DH doesn't agree with me, I'll just have to put my foot down and bring up the peanut butter fiasco, among other things. Depressing.

OP

I don't think the peanut butter is that big of a deal, but batteries? Leaving her at the top of the stairs? Both neglectful.

OP said the MIL gave the kid PB "just to make sure she was really allergic." Giving a child you know has a peanut allergy something with peanuts in it is definitely a big deal.

It was a huge deal to us and we almost left the house. This was after the battery and stairs incident and was the final straw. I have a lot of patience with my inlaws but that was dangerous and disrespectful. To their credit they did apologize and have never doubted us again.

Op

And btw the stairs incident happened day 1. Posters are so right to say that this will probably happen again right away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is the same way. I am always with the kids when she's around. It's sad, but I just can't trust her with them. It's my kids' safety. Hopefully your DH will agree with you.

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. If DH doesn't agree with me, I'll just have to put my foot down and bring up the peanut butter fiasco, among other things. Depressing.

OP

I don't think the peanut butter is that big of a deal, but batteries? Leaving her at the top of the stairs? Both neglectful.

OP said the MIL gave the kid PB "just to make sure she was really allergic." Giving a child you know has a peanut allergy something with peanuts in it is definitely a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is the same way. I am always with the kids when she's around. It's sad, but I just can't trust her with them. It's my kids' safety. Hopefully your DH will agree with you.

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. If DH doesn't agree with me, I'll just have to put my foot down and bring up the peanut butter fiasco, among other things. Depressing.

OP

I don't think the peanut butter is that big of a deal, but batteries? Leaving her at the top of the stairs? Both neglectful.

I was pretty livid about all of them. Like I said, I love my inlaws and all but come on!

I asked her why my son was BY HIMSELF ON A DIFFERENT FLOOR THAN HER and she told us she had "just run upstairs and got distracted finishing a call"

She then follows this up by saying that we are heliocopter parents and "babies need to feel free to roam!" I have to say I lost my temper and said "THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEGLECT THEM AND LET THEM FALL DOWN THE STAIRS!!!"

My husband was livid too thank goodness. I would Have been even madder if he had thought it was fine.

The battery incident happened when she was playing and cooing with the baby. I felt bad hovering (this was before the peanut butter m&m). I stepped away and came back and he had it in his mouth. I ripped it out of his mouth and asked her how long it was in there. She actually said "but he likes it!" I wanted to kill her.

^^this is the OP

Anonymous wrote:This a a tough situation and I have nothing to hide other than I laughed out loud about the dog biscuit. I'd be pretty unhappy for sure, but it dig make me laugh.

So my daughter was chewing on something when they came back from the museum and I asked what it was (I had given them a bag of lunch and snacks since the peanut butter incident). She says "it's an organic cookie! Well it's a dog biscuit. But it comes from a VERY good bakery so I'm sure it's fine!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is the same way. I am always with the kids when she's around. It's sad, but I just can't trust her with them. It's my kids' safety. Hopefully your DH will agree with you.

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. If DH doesn't agree with me, I'll just have to put my foot down and bring up the peanut butter fiasco, among other things. Depressing.

OP

I don't think the peanut butter is that big of a deal, but batteries? Leaving her at the top of the stairs? Both neglectful.