Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 18:11     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What eventually happened to rectify the situation or did you just suck it up for a while? Need to keep the location confidential.


My Mom told my Dad it was her or Montana after two years when he had his dream job in Missoula and he loved it there. She hated it and had to very young children at the time too. We moved.


God damn. If I got my dream job in Montana or Wyoming I'd be pretty pissed if DW made me move. That's the kind of thing that causes a LOT of resentment.


Luckily it didn't. It is hard to live in the bottom of a valley where you only see the sun three hours a day and smell a pulp mill waste blowing on most days.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 17:56     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
My XH HAD to be in MoCo. He sold it as great public schools and proximity to his close-knit extended family. There were other reasons it turns out, but by the time I knew that I was stuck. I've come to like living here, but am out once the custody changes or kiddo graduates HS.

My advice is to pick a place you both feel the same about: hate it equally, love it equally, think it's meh and dream of bluer skies equally.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 17:48     Subject: Re:When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
I wonder how many of us are here because of a DH's job?

We've discussed moving, but always get stuck on what he would do elsewhere. It would have to be a whole new career.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 17:04     Subject: Re:When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
I am here because of my dh's job and I do not love it. I can find work in my field anywhere so here we are. Our compromise is that once we retire I choose our next location. That got me through a rough transition and 8 years later I still plan our next adventure when I am not feeling good about where we live.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 16:38     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
Anonymous wrote:We lived someplace I was really, really unhappy in early in our marriage that my husband loved. It was across the country from everyone I knew and all of my family and I had no one but my husband. I tried and tried to make friends but had no luck. It was really brutal but I was trying to make it work.

My husband was the one to make the call that it wasn't working and we needed to move someplace I would be happier. It wasn't until after we moved that I realized the full scope of how depressed I'd become living in a place I hated. I'm so thankful my husband recognized it wasn't sustainable and was willing to move someplace we both love and can both be happy.


You are so incredibly lucky that your DH was smart and caring enough to recognize this and help in such a major way. I'm very, very envious! I wish every day that my DH would come around.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 16:30     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She just stated that she talked about it every day. Every day for five years. He should not have put up with it and she should have put on her big girl pants and realized it is not all about her.


Disagree - you have to make sure people know a) you're taking one for the team and b) no, it hasn't grown on you and it isn't up for renegotiation as something permanent.


Yep. I'm so thankful my husband recognized this. We are so much happier in DC. We were living in a small college town in Georgia and we both knew we would move after his PhD program anyway. I was just adamant about where. My husband didn't grow up in the US and was pretty flexible about where we would live. He's so much happier in DC too! It's been easier for him to find friends from his home country here.





Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 16:25     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you're the wife, you nag your DH until he moves back to your hometown and buys a house next door to your mommy. At least that's what all my cousins have done.


I've seen this a bunch; SIL is agitating about doing this too. DW and I are close enough that she's not pushing for closer. Huge mistake, IMO, but it's very hard to fight that nesting urge when the kids are little. Worst is when MIL moves in with you.


Why do women to this, especially from working class backgrounds? Absolute marriage destroyer.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 15:33     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
We lived someplace I was really, really unhappy in early in our marriage that my husband loved. It was across the country from everyone I knew and all of my family and I had no one but my husband. I tried and tried to make friends but had no luck. It was really brutal but I was trying to make it work.

My husband was the one to make the call that it wasn't working and we needed to move someplace I would be happier. It wasn't until after we moved that I realized the full scope of how depressed I'd become living in a place I hated. I'm so thankful my husband recognized it wasn't sustainable and was willing to move someplace we both love and can both be happy.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 15:32     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
Anonymous wrote:If you're the wife, you nag your DH until he moves back to your hometown and buys a house next door to your mommy. At least that's what all my cousins have done.


I've seen this a bunch; SIL is agitating about doing this too. DW and I are close enough that she's not pushing for closer. Huge mistake, IMO, but it's very hard to fight that nesting urge when the kids are little. Worst is when MIL moves in with you.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 15:32     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What eventually happened to rectify the situation or did you just suck it up for a while? Need to keep the location confidential.


My Mom told my Dad it was her or Montana after two years when he had his dream job in Missoula and he loved it there. She hated it and had to very young children at the time too. We moved.


God damn. If I got my dream job in Montana or Wyoming I'd be pretty pissed if DW made me move. That's the kind of thing that causes a LOT of resentment.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 15:29     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
Anonymous wrote:What eventually happened to rectify the situation or did you just suck it up for a while? Need to keep the location confidential.


My Mom told my Dad it was her or Montana after two years when he had his dream job in Missoula and he loved it there. She hated it and had to very young children at the time too. We moved.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 15:28     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
Anonymous wrote:If you're the wife, you nag your DH until he moves back to your hometown and buys a house next door to your mommy. At least that's what all my cousins have done.


I've seen this a bunch; SIL is agitating about doing this too. DW and I are close enough that she's not pushing for closer. Huge mistake, IMO, but it's very hard to fight that nesting urge when the kids are little. Worst is when MIL moves in with you.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 15:25     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
Anonymous wrote:She just stated that she talked about it every day. Every day for five years. He should not have put up with it and she should have put on her big girl pants and realized it is not all about her.


Disagree - you have to make sure people know a) you're taking one for the team and b) no, it hasn't grown on you and it isn't up for renegotiation as something permanent.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2015 15:25     Subject: When one of you loves living somewhere and the other person hates the area
If you're the wife, you nag your DH until he moves back to your hometown and buys a house next door to your mommy. At least that's what all my cousins have done.