I'm so sorry, OP. That just sounds so rough. I remember when I was growing up, my dad used to tell my mom all the time that she was "stuck with" him. It was sort of a joke. Like, "I'll help you solve all your problems and there is nothing you can do about it, you're stuck with me." I don't know how much he actually helped, but I think it always made her feel better that he said that.

I just don't thik men are wired this way. They tend to be more practical. Anything from OP?

Ask him to hold you, hug you. Better yet ask for a massage. I know these are very direct, you would want him to do voluntarily but try; hopefully he will see him being present makes a difference.

What is your sex life like? Not sure how much non support you're getting but with lots of guys how they act and show support is dependent on how the feel supported and accepted, which always come back to sex. So, OP, how's your sex life? Would he give us the same answer?

It's really hard to tell from your OP what is or is not happening.
I'll project and say your husband is doing the stereotypical guy thing and trying to help/support you by offering suggestions on how you can fix things at work. He sees you as loving your career and wants you to keep that part of yourself that makes you happy. His reaction and support of you is to tell you to do xyz or tell you a story about he handled a similar situation on the job.

This is not what you need, so you get annoyed with him. You have already thought about the steps you can take so it feels like he's just piling on.

He reads this as you being angry at him and pulls back figuring she'll be happier if I giver her space. Which again isn't want you want either.

Communication and love language breakdowns everywhere.

Have you flat out said to him " Babe, I don't want to talk right now. I just need you to hold me."? Or going up to him and hugging him and letting him know how good and safe that makes you feel?

Some guys need that "permission" that they don't have to go into fix it mode, that it's ok for them just to be that physical presence.

It sounds corny, but even after years together we have to learn ways to connect with spouses.

Yes, because it is all about them, after all.