OP, just know you know, there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

One more thing -- I'm sure your friend will be willing to listen if you say, "This really hurts, I dont know how to move forward", etc versus, "I hate her, I don't trust her, she doesn't love him like I do, why can't it be me", etc.

Anonymous wrote:op sorry but you sound demented and a bit psycho and obsessive. You honestly need talk therapy to work through this. What you are feeling is not healthy and interfering with living your life. Once the fiancé figures out you still have such strong feelings and how you feel about her I wouldn't be surprised if she convinces your "best friend" to cut ties with you. And would you blame her? She didn't steal him from you or prevent him from fulfilling his destiny to marry you. You ex doesn't love you like you want or like you love him. He doesn't now and won't ever. That ship has sailed. I don't care if you are so close to him or his family. It's over, it's been over, you won't get back together. You're wasting your time, energy and life obsessing over this. Seriously, cut ties, get therapy and start living the real life you deserve. This one isn't it.

This is true, OP. Not that you're demented but you are not portraying yourself in a healthy light. I think you are convinced that if he hadn't met her, you would've been together, but it just isn't so. If he breaks up with her, it won't change anything. You need to fully grasp that in order to move on. Wish him well and find your own happiness. Hating her will poison you.

Does he know you feel this way?

I have been there - the "it should have been and it hurts so badly" . And it doesn't matter. You are not together. You simply have to put one foot in front of the other and get some distance.

And it's not going to feel the same with someone else...until it does. I can't tell you when that's going to be.

Why are you allowing this person to have so much power over your happiness? He is on about his business and clearly is not thinking of you in any romantic fashion. Y'all aren't together because he doesn't want to be with you. Accept that. Move on.

When you're 40 and single and childless you'll be kicking yourself for not moving on when you were 33.

op sorry but you sound demented and a bit psycho and obsessive. You honestly need talk therapy to work through this. What you are feeling is not healthy and interfering with living your life. Once the fiancé figures out you still have such strong feelings and how you feel about her I wouldn't be surprised if she convinces your "best friend" to cut ties with you. And would you blame her? She didn't steal him from you or prevent him from fulfilling his destiny to marry you. You ex doesn't love you like you want or like you love him. He doesn't now and won't ever. That ship has sailed. I don't care if you are so close to him or his family. It's over, it's been over, you won't get back together. You're wasting your time, energy and life obsessing over this. Seriously, cut ties, get therapy and start living the real life you deserve. This one isn't it.

He and I are 33 and she is 31.
I can't just up and leave due to my job.
I was with him during one of the worst years of his life. His family is like my second family. I consider his stepfather a surrogate dad to me.
We have friends in common. Even if I wanted to I couldn't disappear.
For example, tonight a mutual friend is getting married. We'll both be attending. I'd have cut out half of my friends to avoid him.
I've tried to move on. See others whatever, but it's not the same.
Also, I don't fully trust her. He's good looking, and successful, and a lot of women are into him for the wrong reasons. Social climbers. I don't think he always sees it right away, he almost married one. I guess I'm a little protective of him.

I vote for cut your ties and move on. You say you are too inter-connected, but that just sounds like an excuse. Go travel overseas. Take a job in a different state. Move on and away. You'll find a different side of yourself. And then, most likely, you'll look back and realize why it didn't work about between you.

This is exactly why most people don't stay friends with their ex's.

Having been in a situation that is a bit similar, you need to either suck it up and deal with it or cut your ties with him and move on.

If you choose to suck it up, you will need to learn to stop thinking about being with him in a romantic way. You will need to stop dwelling on it. You will need to stop talking about how much it hurts you. By staying friends with him, you are choosing to let yourself be hurt. If you can switch the pain off and remove yourself from having feelings for him, I can see you continuing a friendship with him. However, I would suggest not going to their wedding and not talking to him for a bit.

If you choose to cut ties, you may see doors open for you that you did not think were there. By staying focused on your friend, you are closing yourself off to other potential suitors. While you may say no, you really are. When you have in your mind that this one person is the one for you, it will not work out with anybody else. I know this from personal experience and from dealing with it with my friends as well. If you cut ties with him, maybe you can see him from a more objective view. You may see that he is not everything that you think he is. You may see that maybe you two are not meant to be together. You may see you could be happier if you free yourself from these mental chains.

Whatever you do, you need to figure out how to make yourself happy. You cannot expect him to do it for you. You cannot expect anyone to do it for you. You have to figure out why you are stuck on him. It looks like it may be time for you to dive inside yourself. I have friends and lovers who I went through a lot with as well and we have since parted ways. I am sure you love him and he probably loves you too. But just because you love each other, does not mean you are meant to be together.

I wish you luck. I know how you are feeling, but if you take the time to work on yourself, you may find that your personal growth trumps past love.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although I really think OP is a troll, I'll play along.

I'm sure he actually does understand that she has feelings for him. But what is he supposed to do about that? You don't dump your soon to be fiance and someone you are a good match with to propose to an ex out of pity =\

I think she should not lead her on if he understands she has feelings for him.
At the same time, being dumped after 5 years together is so humiliating, I don't know how OP can have positive feelings towards her ex.

We weren't friends for a good year or 2 after we split up, but we were both so young, and people change and grow up. I'm not the same person I was back then and neither is he. We've been through tough times together. He really is my best friend. Maybe it is weird, but I know him and I always felt like we would end up together. We just needed time, and I'm having a hard time with this. I mean he just met her 6 months ago. 6 months.What could she possibly know about him?

Did you watch the movie? To you remember how at the end of the day, Julia Robert's character really wasn't a good match for her best friend? In her mind there was what could have been but reality in the day to day relationship ups and downs she really wasn't the right one. Are you maybe keeping the idea of what could be with the best friend as a way of not getting close to another guy and dealing with the ups and downs of a real romantic relationship? Like the woman that pick emotionally unavailable men because deep down it scares the crap out of them to let someone get close in a relationship that could really work.

You say you have both changed so that makes me think that you guys were not a good match when you were dating. His now girlfriend might be a better match for him with the person he has become. He can also take things at face value and not weigh the previous history with the new girlfriend like you would if you get back with an ex. You also only know the new girlfriend's stats "on paper" like pretty, smart, and nice. But there are lots of pretty, smart, and nice woman out there and he chose her. There is something about her specifically and how they are together that works.

Anonymous wrote:I can't just move on we have friends in common and I'm still close with his family.

I've tried dating others, but it's not the same, doesn't work.

I just don't understand why it can't be.

Excuses. He doesn't want to be with you, there's nothing more to understand. I can see why your friend doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

Also, you need to recognize that she's not the reason you're not together -- HE is. If it weren't her it would have been someone else. It wasn't going to be you...he's had years to pursue that and he hasn't. There is someone else out there who will look at you the way he looks at his GF.

He doesn't return your feelings. If it was meant to be, it soul have happened, and it didn't. He loves you as a friend, not a,partner. You have no choice but to feel the pain, grieve and move on in your own life. Anything else is self-destruction.
I'm sorry for your pain - that's why they write songs about unrequited love. It's so hard, but you csn and will get through this.

How old are you guys? You need a break from him. You can't make relationships with other guys work when you're hung up on him.