Anonymous wrote:We did the secret santa thing for a while and then switched to a gift pool where everyone brought a gift and you picked from the pile but could steal/swap, then switched for a couple of years to homemade only gifts in a pile. While the homemade gifts were a bit of a hassle it turned out to be the most fun and could be anything from baked goods to knitting to photos to plants.

We do the swap, too, but with gag gifts instead. It is HILARIOUS and everyone loves it. So much fun.

We did the secret santa thing for a while and then switched to a gift pool where everyone brought a gift and you picked from the pile but could steal/swap, then switched for a couple of years to homemade only gifts in a pile. While the homemade gifts were a bit of a hassle it turned out to be the most fun and could be anything from baked goods to knitting to photos to plants.

My H's side of the family is huge. For many years we did a Secret Santa Exchange with Christmas ornaments. But after 10+ years of ornaments we were all done.

What we now do is a Shutterfly calendar. Each part of the family gets a couple of pages to decorate. It's fun to see pictures of the family we don't get to see a lot. Plus we add in all our birthdays so now we know when to say Happy Birthday. My son, who is 3, loves it and likes to look at the pictures and name everyone. It's much better than ornaments and can be enjoyed all year.

OP, you can *suggest* this approach to your husband's family, but why do you feel the need to *convince* them that it's the way to go? Great that it works for your family, but that approach is not right for every family.

Don't try to come in as "an outsider" and dictate their holiday. Suggest once, and if they like the idea, great! If they don't, fine!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will be the third year that my family will not exchange gifts. We are all in our 50's with older kids. We are lucky that we do not need anything. We do get together but we forcus on the meal and just having fun. It is such a relief.

How do I convince my husbands family this is the new deal? We do not get together and just exchange gift cards. It is lame.

With my husband's enormous family, all the adults put their names in a hat in November and draw one -- so on Christmas morning you get the fun of a gift exchange, but only have to buy for one person (and there's a cap on what you can spend). And we make a secret Santa guessing game out of guessing who gave which gift. Its easy and festive. Maybe this could be a good middle ground?

This is exactly what we do and I love it. Every Thanksgiving, the adults draw one name and buy just the one present for that person. All the kids still get gifts from everyone. It is wonderful and such a stress-reliever! We all agreed that none of the adults needs or wants any more stuff.

We do that, with categories--the kids and the adults do separate exchanges.

Anonymous wrote:This will be the third year that my family will not exchange gifts. We are all in our 50's with older kids. We are lucky that we do not need anything. We do get together but we forcus on the meal and just having fun. It is such a relief.

How do I convince my husbands family this is the new deal? We do not get together and just exchange gift cards. It is lame.

My mom's extended family did this for years, and it was awesome. First, we did an exchange where you drew a name out of a hat, so each person only bought for one other person. It was fun, because you didn't know who your Secret Santa was! Then, we started doing a White Elephant-type exchange, which was really fun and brought out all the goofy competitiveness as people jockeyed for the "best" gifts. Lots of fun, much less expensive.

So jealous. I tried to stop my in laws from buying me 10+ gifts one year, by requesting just one. And it was as if I committed some kind of cardinal sin, I was made out to be an ungrateful tactless weirdo for daring to make such a request. They harassed DH to find out what was wrong with me and to ensure that he didn't feel the same way. I didn't even say anything about the 10+ gifts for DH and 20+ gifts for each of our kids and the gifts for everyone on my side of the family including siblings, girlfriends, etc. That year, they went extra overboard on my DH and kids, and gifted a huge check to just DH and kids (excluding me), just to spite me for what I said.

Anonymous wrote:God, I wish we could do this. Or at least limit the exchange to the kids only.

+1! This is what we do. When we have extra $$, we play "12 days of Xmas" and get each other gifts or a family/house gift at After Xmas sales.

Plus 1 on the secret Santa exchange. We started that at my request several years ago with DH large family.

Anonymous wrote:God, I wish we could do this. Or at least limit the exchange to the kids only.

Me, too!

Its sad you have to wait until age 50 to stop this ridiculousness !

Great ideas!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will be the third year that my family will not exchange gifts. We are all in our 50's with older kids. We are lucky that we do not need anything. We do get together but we forcus on the meal and just having fun. It is such a relief.

How do I convince my husbands family this is the new deal? We do not get together and just exchange gift cards. It is lame.

With my husband's enormous family, all the adults put their names in a hat in November and draw one -- so on Christmas morning you get the fun of a gift exchange, but only have to buy for one person (and there's a cap on what you can spend). And we make a secret Santa guessing game out of guessing who gave which gift. Its easy and festive. Maybe this could be a good middle ground?

This is exactly what we do and I love it. Every Thanksgiving, the adults draw one name and buy just the one present for that person. All the kids still get gifts from everyone. It is wonderful and such a stress-reliever! We all agreed that none of the adults needs or wants any more stuff.

Anonymous wrote:This will be the third year that my family will not exchange gifts. We are all in our 50's with older kids. We are lucky that we do not need anything. We do get together but we forcus on the meal and just having fun. It is such a relief.

How do I convince my husbands family this is the new deal? We do not get together and just exchange gift cards. It is lame.

With my husband's enormous family, all the adults put their names in a hat in November and draw one -- so on Christmas morning you get the fun of a gift exchange, but only have to buy for one person (and there's a cap on what you can spend). And we make a secret Santa guessing game out of guessing who gave which gift. Its easy and festive. Maybe this could be a good middle ground?

Jealous! We're there on my side--our "gift" is splitting the airfare cost of whomever is traveling to see the other that year. When we fly out, my parents send a check for a plane ticket. When they fly out, we'll use our miles to buy a ticket.

DH's family though...ugh. MIL goes so overboard on gifts it's embarrassing. She must spend $1000 on just DH/DS/me--and they aren't well off. It's uncomfortable for me to know she is putting FIL and herself in a bad financial situation, but she refuses to think about other ways we could celebrate.