If you value your friendship with her, and/or your relationship with your significant other, please, please don't do this. It is not worth the stress. Only "lend" the amount you'd freely give, and won't stress about getting back.

Anonymous wrote:back out. Give any number of excuses - either that your DH said hell no or that the money is tied up.

If you lose a friendship over this, so be it.

Either you lose a fake friend ... or you lose a friend AND $80K down the road.

And possibly a spouse, too. I'd be livid if my spouse did this.

So the domestic partner doesn't own the home but pays most of the expenses? She has 2 kids and stayed home for 7 years taking up $80k in debt but with a partner who pays the expenses?

I don't get this whole thing.

You mentioned she has a domestic partner? A live in boyfriend?
How is she a SAHM without a joint income? What is she relying on? Is the domestic partner a father to the kids?
Why isn't her partner helping her with bills?

I don't get so many facets of this that are relevant.

Please tell me she is not supporting this person or any part of the $80k debt was for him/her

Do NOT lend her money. If you insist on spending money on her, hire a financial planner for her.

Does your friend have a plan to live within her means? She has incurred enough debt ($80,000) that she was planning on declaring bankruptcy.
She is living beyond her means. What is her budget? What is her plan to not incur these expenses (she is a SAHM, so I am assuming no large amount of income coming in). What is her plan to pay you back? Is she planning on working? It is great that you want to support your friend, but what you are proposing is a recipe for disaster. She has the potential to get $80K in debt to you and rack up another #100K in debt on her cards. You are just pushing the ball down the road and postponing the inevitable. She needs to come up with a solid plan before you even consider this. Also, will you be OK with her spending/purchasing while she owes you money- or do you think you may be hypercritical (ie why is she buying a new car when she owes me $80K). Best way to lose a friendship is to lend a friend money.

Dear Lord, if she can't pay this money to her creditors why do you think she'll ever repay you. She's not paying them and she won't repay you. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. Her problem is not your problem.

$80K in CC debt? What the hell?!!

Hey, OP, have you ever read the story about the former basketball star Allen Iverson? He was one of the highest paid stars in the NBA and now he is broke from having all his friends on the payroll and bailing deadbeats out. Anyone can go broke giving away money. DON'T. DO. IT.

Say you changed your mind, but you're happy to help her in another way.

This is a terrible idea. You're enabling her bad habits. She's not going to change.

+1 - DH and I discussed this before we got married so we would never have to argue about it later. Need a place to crash for a while? No problem. Need use of a car? No problem. Need a hot meal or a shower? No problem. Need money? Sorry, that's the one thing we can't do.

Would love to know your HHI if you offed an $80K loan. I don't care how good of a friend they are.

Op you are an idiot, and are out 80K. Best to just make peace that this was a gift.

Anonymous wrote:Such a terrible idea. You will NEVER see that money again. She will be back in that much debt again in a few years. Back out now!!

This.

I gave my then bf 800 6 years ago, I still haven't gotten back a dime. Don't do it.

You are not doing her any favor by lending (or giving) her the money. The only way she can get out of this situation is a drastic change of lifestyle, which might include giving up her house. So be it. Perhaps you can help her in other ways when she moves. Moreover, lending a large sum of money without mutual agreement with your spouse - are you crazy?

+1 Unless you are very wealthy person, how are you going to explain away the missing 80K?