Op, if he moves out you could spoil him in other ways. Have a standing dinner invitation for a home cooked meal once a week. Send him home with leftovers. Have him bring (some) laundry over to do. maybe.

Most folks stumble through figuring out household management in their 20s

and food poisoning

OP, you clearly love your brother, but I have to agree that you are not helping him.

First, this is not entirely your father's fault. Your brother does not need to be taught to wipe up spills. My 3-year-old knows how to do that. Use cloth, wipe. I promise, your 24-year-old brother knows how to do this. He just doesn't care to. And that's a totally different issue. Clearly, he's never cared to - otherwise he would have taken on those tasks after your mom passed. A 12-year-old can do dishes and vacuum. I assume when your mom was alive she made him help with chores like dusting, etc. It might suck that they have to be solely responsible for it, but, honestly, he could have done it. He chose not to. At the end of the day, the reality is that your brother is a slob, just like your father. So stop blaming your father and giving your brother this free pass. Recognize that he is making a choice and simply doesnt mind living this way.

Ditto with the laundry. While he probably didn't know how to do laundry at 12, sounds like you have shown him on multiple occassions. That's more than enough for an adult of at least average intelligence. I promise, your brother knows how to do the laundry. He's overloading because he's too lazy to do the laundry more frequently. That's all there is to it.

So, the first thing you need to do is stop thinking your brother is some helpless victim who needs you to take care of him. He knows how to clean. He doesn't want to. Make that your mindset and proceed accordingly.

So,

You need to let him live and accept that having a roommate includes wear and tear that is covered by the rent. You are not his mother or his wife. Leave the constant criticism out of your interactions. The fact that he hides from you should be a clue that you are being unreasonable. Your desire to help has turned you into a control freak. If you can't stand him breathing in your house then ask him to leave. Otherwise you should shut up.

a 24 year old with a job and you say he is "not ready to live with anyone else"?

why cant he live alone?

or with male roommates who wont nag him about water in the bathroom?

maybe he is "miserable all the time" in part because you treat him like an incompetent "little" boy

he's 24, you do not have to train him, he can figure this stuff out on his own

he needs to be independent. the fact that you do not see this and instead are writing onto dcum about your laundry machine issues is disturbing.....

Anonymous wrote:Start with one thing at a time. Tell him if he overloads the washer again, he'll lose privledge to use it and will need to go to a laundromat. Then make sure he know how much is one load and how much soap to use. Make it clear you will show him once and that's it.

You haven't asked, but what your father does or doesn't do is irelevant. Your issue is with your brother alone. I can imagine his future wife blaming you for things, when really, he's responsible for his own actions.

I like this. Do you have a small basket that equals one load? Tell him that you understand that "one load" is a vague statement an that you got this basket to measure a load. If the basket is full, not overflowing (show him with clothes) then that is one load. You are a good sister, and it seems that you need to work on one or two things at a time. Once he masters those you can move on to the next. You are helping him become a better person for his future spouse!!!