Send your husband and children while you stay home and have some downtime. Problem solved.

Anonymous wrote:Op you say, "I've fought that battle and lost"

How does an adult NOT have free will?

Oh, please. This is not OP, but many mature adults do things they don't necessarily want to do for the sake of peace in the family. Do you really not understand that?

Anonymous wrote:Op you say, "I've fought that battle and lost"

How does an adult NOT have free will?

lol. Well the battle was that they won't come visit us. Since my inlaws do have free will, I can't force them to visit me.

Op you say, "I've fought that battle and lost"

How does an adult NOT have free will?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have the ILs come to your place that weekend instead? Why do you need to be the one traveling every time?

OP here. I've fought that battle and lost. I think they're a little old school and believe that children come home for Christmas, not the other way around. My parents visit often.

Yeah, except you're not children anymore. And you have your own children. Seems like you should get to have Christmas in your own home (and your children's home) sometime, too.

Anyway, I do lean toward gifts only being in person, but given that you're traveling for 10 days (!!) to see your own family, I think it's reasonable to say, "We're going to need a couple of weeks to get back to our normal routine after we get back from our long trip, but you are welcome here or we will be happy to see you some time in late January or February."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have the ILs come to your place that weekend instead? Why do you need to be the one traveling every time?

OP here. I've fought that battle and lost. I think they're a little old school and believe that children come home for Christmas, not the other way around. My parents visit often.

I think you can push back more then--Say, "We'd be so happy to have you come to us on x or y weekend. Otherwise, we won't be able to make it out until our next visit around z time frame."

Or can you send DH with the kids and stay home and chill?

We have a complicates holiday rotation because of divorce and elderly relatives who can't travel, so we bring the kids down to my ILs a week or two before and do an early Christmas there. They like to decorate, take th kids to see santa, and host a holiday party. It's really important for them to do Christmas type stuff and we have the only grandkids on both sides of the family, so we just suck it up and think of the happy memories our kids will have. One day we hope to live in a big enough house to be able to have both sides come here for the holidays, but who knows.

Can you be honest that second Christmases is too much for the family? If they insist, offer to have them over at your place - but I wouldn't agree to a 3 hour road trip right after holidays. I would be totally drained.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have the ILs come to your place that weekend instead? Why do you need to be the one traveling every time?

OP here. I've fought that battle and lost. I think they're a little old school and believe that children come home for Christmas, not the other way around. My parents visit often.

My in-laws are the same. The like to decorate the house and have everyone come to them because that is what fulfills their idea of a real holiday.

Anonymous wrote:Just have the ILs come to your place that weekend instead? Why do you need to be the one traveling every time?

OP here. I've fought that battle and lost. I think they're a little old school and believe that children come home for Christmas, not the other way around. My parents visit often.

We exchange gifts in person even if we're not together on 12/25. If we're with my family, DH's side gets together around New Year's to do their Christmas exchange. (It's 6 adults, 5 kids and is either at our house or BIL's about 2 hours away.) The few years we were with DH's family, my parents came to us in mid-December because it coincided with DS's birthday.

We pretty much spend XMas with my family now (and that's a good 25 people on the actual holiday) because MIL doesn't like to be away from her family on Christmas and our kids are at the age where it is really hard to be away on Christmas morning.We did it when we had one 1 year old, but 3 kids ages 5-9 just makes it impossible now. I'm sure it will change in coming years, too.

Just have the ILs come to your place that weekend instead? Why do you need to be the one traveling every time?

My inlaws would be the same as yours OP. I'd be just as annoyed about it as you are.

....and I'd suck it up and do it anyway. Sorry.

Anonymous[b wrote:]If we spend Christmas with my family, we arrive Christmas eve, then spend Christmas day (because it's my aunt's birthday) and travel to see DH's family on the second day of Christmas for a 2nd Christmas.
If we spend Christmas with DH's family, we arriva Christmas eve and leave around noon on Christmas day to be with my family for dinner (for my aunt's birthday) and come back home on the second day of Christmas.[/b]
I love the years we get to spend at home. No traveling. I can't wait for 2017.

This sounds terrible. One of the greatest things my mother ever did was to let me know that she did not need to see us every christmas, it's just a day and we have plenty of other times during the year to be together. We alternate with DH's family. My parents come to use more often than we go to them. It was an adjustment for my MIL as DH's siblings so a lot of driving and splitting days just to make sure there is Christmas face time with her. I'm so glad we drew that boundary early.

"We won't be able to do it."

However, these are inlaws - THIS IS YOUR HUSBAND's JOB. His job to tell them. Or if you must, compose a short email signed from both of you. Short, to the point, not a lot of excuses or apologies. Tell them how it's going to be, and that you love them - - this also gives them some time and space to sit with the idea, mourn if they need to, and move on in a polite fashion when they are ready.