When I moved to DC, I talked to my (Southern, if it matters) family about all of the fun things I was doing here. They took it as me thinking I was better than them. My BIL even got in my face about it "WE have XYZ store/activity/whatever TOO!!!"

I was really shocked because all I was really doing was talking about my life.

Anonymous wrote:- always being busy, or "too busy" to get together, call, etc
- having special food restrictions that haven't been medically confirmed
- paying attention to current events, world affairs, etc can be considered "elitist" to a lot of people
- the kinds of television shows you guys watch (or don't watch)
- ditto for movies

OMGoodness! I'm the poster with the friend that won't eat chain foods, and this is everything else about her. Ugh! Why am I even friends with this person? She's quick to call someone "uneducated", if they eat canned foods or doesn't read the NYT or WaPo.

Anonymous wrote:One thing in particular that I think makes a person seem elitist is to talk down to or treat a service worker poorly. It could be a housekeeper, a waiter, or the guy who mows your lawn. I've seen some people show some really bad behavior towards someone who is working hard for them.

That is rude, not elitist.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I meant to add that they don't like in DC, but a southern conservative mid sized city.

Do you often the phrase 'in DC we do X,' comparing this area to where your family lives? I see Americans traveling abroad constantly comparing the country their are visiting to the US, not realizing how elitist it can sound.

People can be funny with what they think is elitist.

My DH and I are a lot less into conspicuous consumption than my in-laws (who live in a less expensive part of the country) and they think it is elitist that we don't buy a lot of stuff: plastic toys and gee gaws for the kids, and this type of thing.

I also like to send the .99 cent cards from Hallmark, and my MIL likes to send the huge ones that cost about $4.99. She thinks I am being elitist by putting $ and practicality over family and sentiment.

I said we don't need any more sets of bed sheets, thanks anyway, b/c we have a small linen closet and limited storage in our townhouse and she thought that was elitist to try to live simply and keep things pared down.

Anonymous wrote:Elitist can be code for too liberal.

+1 (as i've been told by some family members)

Anonymous wrote:What are your hobbies? Do they require money? Do you watch TV? Read books? How do you dress? Do you read the NYT and listen to NPR? Is there a local dialect where you are from that you don't speak when you are home (even though you grew up with it)? What kind of food do you eat--arugula or iceberg?

There are so many little markers of class. Try to be more observant. Don't be oblivious.

I am trying! We have more money than them. That much is pretty obvious. I can't change that nor do I want to. We are generous gift givers and always offer to pay restaurant tabs - but maybe we should stop this?? I have no desire to change my lifestyle or who I am, I just want to offend them less, if that is even possible.

You know the difference between types of wine (this intimidates some people, who knew?).

You make more than your parents ever did and they're not gracious about it. (My DH and I both make more than our families did, but our parents are fine about that.)

So, in other words, it's more about them than it is you, in all likelihood.

Anonymous wrote:What are your hobbies? Do they require money? Do you watch TV? Read books? How do you dress? Do you read the NYT and listen to NPR? Is there a local dialect where you are from that you don't speak when you are home (even though you grew up with it)? What kind of food do you eat--arugula or iceberg?

There are so many little markers of class. Try to be more observant. Don't be oblivious.

Really our only hobby is travel (and our kids are young so its not exotic, just frequent). We watch lots of TV and read lots of books. We do not eat arugula and do eat out in lots of chain restaurants and do not buy organic anything. My husband does read the NYT and listen to NPR. We do not watch Fox News, which I do think is bizarre to them. We do not have luxury brand cars or clothes.

It can be anything. It's better not to obsess about it, because if people want to think of you that way, they will. My SIL thought I was snobby because I didn't want to get up at 5 AM to go shopping after Thanksgiving. I really just wanted to sleep and play with my nephews, but you know, that kind of thing is a class marker.

Writing in Moleskine notebooks?

Elitist can be code for too liberal.

What are your hobbies? Do they require money? Do you watch TV? Read books? How do you dress? Do you read the NYT and listen to NPR? Is there a local dialect where you are from that you don't speak when you are home (even though you grew up with it)? What kind of food do you eat--arugula or iceberg?

There are so many little markers of class. Try to be more observant. Don't be oblivious.

One thing in particular that I think makes a person seem elitist is to talk down to or treat a service worker poorly. It could be a housekeeper, a waiter, or the guy who mows your lawn. I've seen some people show some really bad behavior towards someone who is working hard for them.

"I can't get anything done all day.. I drop the kids at school at 9 and pick up at 3, by the time I go to the gym, shower and go to Whole Foods, it is 3:00 and I can't get anything done in the house"

"It is so annoying how people can't volunteer in their own kids classroom. I mean how hard it is it to get 3 hours a few times a month, why even have children."

"Our Lexus is really the same cost as a Camry after you figure everything out... total cost of ownership, etc"

"I had the hardest day, first of all I didn't have time to work out and I was volunteering, but I could not find bright pink cardboard paper, I literally went to 7 different stores, in the end I got light pink and fushia but I know Larla is going to throw a fit."

"We only belong to the country club for business reasons, his boss requires we have a membership."