Anonymous
Post 11/03/2015 00:00     Subject: Child is sick, don't want parents to know
OP, just want to say that I'm thinking of you & your DD. Cancel your trip to avoid any extra stress, and spend time with your precious child. Please let us know how it turns out, and tell your mother when you feel able. Do not give her a second thought at this stressful time.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 16:38     Subject: Re:Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Anonymous wrote:Im going to go against the grain here and say that you don't have energy to deal with your mom right now and all of your resources need to go to kid care and self care.

"Mom, I need you to give me some space right now. If you contact me I might not have time to get back to you."

Period. Set limits. She's not among them your top priorities right now.

I hope your child is ok. If you do find yourself in a long-term medical treatment situation, you'll be glad you set limits. Someone else can deal with her needs. Not you.


I was actually thinking the same thing. You need to spend your energy and resources on yourself, your child and your dh. You need to manage the stress level for yourself. If dealing with relatives now is not going to be helpful then it is o.k. to retreat a bit and focus on your own well being and getting through this yourself.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 16:38     Subject: Re:Child is sick, don't want parents to know
I'm thinking you might trust her more and in addition, get the support you need now, and the support you may need later.

It seems like all this secrecy and cloak and dagger stuff may be adding to the stress.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 16:33     Subject: Re:Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Im going to go against the grain here and say that you don't have energy to deal with your mom right now and all of your resources need to go to kid care and self care.

"Mom, I need you to give me some space right now. If you contact me I might not have time to get back to you."

Period. Set limits. She's not among them your top priorities right now.

I hope your child is ok. If you do find yourself in a long-term medical treatment situation, you'll be glad you set limits. Someone else can deal with her needs. Not you.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 15:49     Subject: Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why if the doctor thought this was a potentially very serious he/she would not have tests and results for you well before Thanksgiving...


Potentially serious doesn't mean things have to move rapidly. She has an appointment for blood work and x-rays later this week. Also - see my recent post about not living in DC anymore and not having awesome medical care. I've never trusted her ped or the local hospital for more than, well, anything.


I'm sorry. This must be agonizing for you.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 15:45     Subject: Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why if the doctor thought this was a potentially very serious he/she would not have tests and results for you well before Thanksgiving...


Potentially serious doesn't mean things have to move rapidly. She has an appointment for blood work and x-rays later this week. Also - see my recent post about not living in DC anymore and not having awesome medical care. I've never trusted her ped or the local hospital for more than, well, anything.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 15:37     Subject: Child is sick, don't want parents to know
I don't understand why if the doctor thought this was a potentially very serious he/she would not have tests and results for you well before Thanksgiving...
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 15:31     Subject: Re:Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Anonymous wrote:If you're not going to be able to hide it in person over Thanksgiving, I would tell her now. Tell her very simply and directly what's going on, and then immediately tell her that you know it's scary and upsetting news, but that you need her to be there for you. You'll be taking care of your daughter and yourself, and right now what you both need is for those around you to be positive and supportive. Then I'd give her no more than one reminder between now and Thanksgiving (although it's up to you if you want to give any at all) -- if she starts with the pessimism, "Mom, I know you're anxious and upset, but hashing over the worst-case scenarios is too upsetting and makes this a lot harder for me, and I need you to stop." If she still can't stop, cancel the trip for Thanksgiving. You can't be a good support for your daughter if you're too upset about your mother's reaction.


I think I will send her an email saying this.

Complicating matters is that we no longer live in DC, but if it turns out to be something serious, we will likely go back for treatment. I won't say it's third world here, but it's not the quality healthcare I am used to. And of course - Mom & Dad are still in DC.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 15:30     Subject: Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you avoid talking to her until you know more?


Of course. That doesn't stop her from calling 2-3 times a day plus texts and Facebook messages about it.


Then you are already having to deal with her reaction and it's not like avoiding Thanksgiving will change that. Address this with her now and maybe use the idea of not coming for Thanksgiving as a way of showing her just how upsetting her behavior is to you.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 15:08     Subject: Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can you avoid talking to her until you know more?


Of course. That doesn't stop her from calling 2-3 times a day plus texts and Facebook messages about it.


Then I would approach it head-on, tell her what the situation is and that you need to stay positive for your daughter and do not want any negative thoughts from her. Tell her you will tell her more when the results come in, but to not bring it up again. Be firm.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 15:02     Subject: Re:Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Anonymous wrote:If you're not going to be able to hide it in person over Thanksgiving, I would tell her now. Tell her very simply and directly what's going on, and then immediately tell her that you know it's scary and upsetting news, but that you need her to be there for you. You'll be taking care of your daughter and yourself, and right now what you both need is for those around you to be positive and supportive. Then I'd give her no more than one reminder between now and Thanksgiving (although it's up to you if you want to give any at all) -- if she starts with the pessimism, "Mom, I know you're anxious and upset, but hashing over the worst-case scenarios is too upsetting and makes this a lot harder for me, and I need you to stop." If she still can't stop, cancel the trip for Thanksgiving. You can't be a good support for your daughter if you're too upset about your mother's reaction.


This is what I would do, too. I can't imagine trying to hide it from her
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 14:27     Subject: Re:Child is sick, don't want parents to know
If you're not going to be able to hide it in person over Thanksgiving, I would tell her now. Tell her very simply and directly what's going on, and then immediately tell her that you know it's scary and upsetting news, but that you need her to be there for you. You'll be taking care of your daughter and yourself, and right now what you both need is for those around you to be positive and supportive. Then I'd give her no more than one reminder between now and Thanksgiving (although it's up to you if you want to give any at all) -- if she starts with the pessimism, "Mom, I know you're anxious and upset, but hashing over the worst-case scenarios is too upsetting and makes this a lot harder for me, and I need you to stop." If she still can't stop, cancel the trip for Thanksgiving. You can't be a good support for your daughter if you're too upset about your mother's reaction.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 14:22     Subject: Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Anonymous wrote:Weird aside- my friend just went through something similar with her toddler. Very scary.
Yes, it needed to be addressed
BUT
It ended up not being cancer. The kid is perfectly fine.
So, I will keep you and your kid in my thoughts. I hope you have a similar situation.


Thank you. Her ped said it's "suspicious" but even suspicious ones turn out to be nothing a lot of times.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 14:20     Subject: Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Anonymous wrote:Can you avoid talking to her until you know more?


Of course. That doesn't stop her from calling 2-3 times a day plus texts and Facebook messages about it.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2015 14:20     Subject: Child is sick, don't want parents to know
Weird aside- my friend just went through something similar with her toddler. Very scary.
Yes, it needed to be addressed
BUT
It ended up not being cancer. The kid is perfectly fine.
So, I will keep you and your kid in my thoughts. I hope you have a similar situation.