Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are all older now, but we had some Halloweens like this when they were in middle school. I recall one year when my son was like 13 and his plans with some other kids fell through. It was pretty rough. I mentioned it to my son (now in college) the other day. He didn't even remember it! Huh, go figure.

Right . . . bc it was NO big deal. These are just normal parts of growing up and everyone has had times where they are friendless or plans fall thru or whatever. It doesn't scar you for life, unlike what all the mommies on here think as they hastily try to intervene every time their snowflake's feelings are mildly hurt.

That's my post you quoted and I agree with you, but only to an extent. I remember my DS being pretty upset at the time when this happened. I felt really bad for him but there wasn't much we could do other than offer some kind words and let him know we were willing to hang out with him instead. Of course he didn't want to go TOT'ing with us, so he went up to his room and was probably miserable for a couple of hours. He got over it though, which is important to note. Kids are resilient. Now, if he had experiences like this repeatedly throughout childhood I do think it would have been a different story. I myslef wasn't the most popular kid growing up, although I'm a well-liked adult. It did leave a scar, but I also think it made me the independent, self-reliant person I am today. So there are silver linings to social rejection sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:Don't be so quick to judge "the popular ones". They are finding themselves too. If a popular girl is mean, she is s bully. If an unpopular us mean, good for her for sticking up for herself. I am just saying it is a rough age for all. Of course teach you kids to be kind to everyone. Just do not assume the kids you see as popular are home crying in their room too about some social situation. The popular ones are usually the most insecure.

***aren't home crying

Don't be so quick to judge "the popular ones". They are finding themselves too. If a popular girl is mean, she is s bully. If an unpopular us mean, good for her for sticking up for herself. I am just saying it is a rough age for all. Of course teach you kids to be kind to everyone. Just do not assume the kids you see as popular are home crying in their room too about some social situation. The popular ones are usually the most insecure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i saw a ton of tweens and teens tonight. Also saw a group of adults dressed up with no kids with them-that both pissed me off and concerned me...

That was me and let me explain so you can rest well tonight:

My kids love it when we dress up, and we all spend lots of fun family time picking out outfits, designing them and making them.

They are old enough to run ahead a little bit, but not old enough to be out without parental supervision, so we probably did look like we were alone. In fact, some neighbors were probably equally concerned and pissed off that they were out unsupervised at the same time you were equally pissed off and concerned that we were childless and walking around in costume.

Hope this sheds some light on this phenomenon for next year.

Were you asking for candy at each door? I don't think so. The pp was not talking about you or groups of parents nearby their kids.

Anonymous wrote:i saw a ton of tweens and teens tonight. Also saw a group of adults dressed up with no kids with them-that both pissed me off and concerned me...

That was me and let me explain so you can rest well tonight:

My kids love it when we dress up, and we all spend lots of fun family time picking out outfits, designing them and making them.

They are old enough to run ahead a little bit, but not old enough to be out without parental supervision, so we probably did look like we were alone. In fact, some neighbors were probably equally concerned and pissed off that they were out unsupervised at the same time you were equally pissed off and concerned that we were childless and walking around in costume.

Hope this sheds some light on this phenomenon for next year.

Anonymous wrote:i saw a ton of tweens and teens tonight. Also saw a group of adults dressed up with no kids with them-that both pissed me off and concerned me...

Why is that, maybe they were on their way to a party?

Now that I have older kids, I realize how nice it is for them to ToT. I think not as many middle schoolers go, worried that they are too old, but it is a fun night for them. I'm glad people were nice to my older kids who still enjoy ToT.

My DD had this happen in 6th. All her friends told her they had plans when she asked. I was around when she asked the girl she considered to be her bestie and the girl said no because she was going with X, Y, and Z. She knew the other girls so I was saddened that she didn't say "why don't you join us?" DD was so sad. It was just horrible. She was so sad and felt so rejected.

My 6th grader got so lucky - he was invited to a group party/ToT/sleepover a while ago. He's kind of dorky and he felt awkward going out with parents and his little brother last year, but I probably wouldn't have had my act together to help him plan something. So I'm grateful to other parents who thought ahead and am going to make sure we do something next year. Of course the little brother was lonely ToTing solo for the first time, so next year I need to make sure we have a pal for him as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are all older now, but we had some Halloweens like this when they were in middle school. I recall one year when my son was like 13 and his plans with some other kids fell through. It was pretty rough. I mentioned it to my son (now in college) the other day. He didn't even remember it! Huh, go figure.

Right . . . bc it was NO big deal. These are just normal parts of growing up and everyone has had times where they are friendless or plans fall thru or whatever. It doesn't scar you for life, unlike what all the mommies on here think as they hastily try to intervene every time their snowflake's feelings are mildly hurt.

Oh, aren't you the realist! I only have little kids, but I still remember the sting of exclusion from my middle school days. Even some parts of normal growing up stuff leaves scars for some of us, and osome kind words from my parents would have helped immensely, no other intervention needed. But I'm guessing you were part of the jock/ancillary popular group who would have been the first to kick someone when they were down. Make sure you're kind to your offbeat kid, too. That's your special child, not the popular ones.

My oldest was always alone at Halloween in MS. Sometimes he would come with me to parties and/or take the younger kids trick or treating and sometimes he would stay home alone in his room. Really sucked, to tell you the truth. There was always a party, though - whether it was ours, a neighbors or a friend of mine. So, he had options to do things even when he didn't have anyone to trick or treat with.

Now that he's in HS, he does go out with friends, but they don't trick or treat. I think the larger pool of people and the focus that schools provide on special interests of the kids helped with making friends.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are all older now, but we had some Halloweens like this when they were in middle school. I recall one year when my son was like 13 and his plans with some other kids fell through. It was pretty rough. I mentioned it to my son (now in college) the other day. He didn't even remember it! Huh, go figure.

Right . . . bc it was NO big deal. These are just normal parts of growing up and everyone has had times where they are friendless or plans fall thru or whatever. It doesn't scar you for life, unlike what all the mommies on here think as they hastily try to intervene every time their snowflake's feelings are mildly hurt.

Last year my MSer was all alone, til I arranged for him to go around with some older, kind neighborhood boys. This year, he planned ahead and had a house full of boys to go around with (7-8).

i saw a ton of tweens and teens tonight. Also saw a group of adults dressed up with no kids with them-that both pissed me off and concerned me...

I stopped trick or treating by middle school. I think I had one group of kids who looked like they were 12-13 years old. Rest were little kids.