Anonymous
10/29/2015 15:03
Subject: My sister has emotionally drained me, but she continually threatens suicide
Your sister is emotionally abusing you. If a friend was doing this, you would never tolerate it. I know a sibling is hard to turn away from, but she is not showing you much love in return.
Sometimes you must look out for yourself first and foremost. That time is now. Take care of yourself. I hope you are being seen by a capable therapist who might be able to help with the web of emotions here.
Sometimes you must look out for yourself first and foremost. That time is now. Take care of yourself. I hope you are being seen by a capable therapist who might be able to help with the web of emotions here.
Anonymous
10/29/2015 14:57
Subject: My sister has emotionally drained me, but she continually threatens suicide
Anonymous wrote:You are not equipped to be your sister's therapist. Her problems need to be addressed by someone with training and objectivity. If you are willing to continue to be a sounding board, fine. But don't give her any money. If she threatens suicide, call the police in her town and report it.
Repeat: you are not equipped to be your sister's therapist.
+1
Anonymous
10/29/2015 10:04
Subject: My sister has emotionally drained me, but she continually threatens suicide
I am so sorry OP. I totally understand where you are - I have an extraordinarily similar dynamic with my sister also and I struggle with maintaining the boundaries I need to keep my own sanity, while still balancing the worry and fear I have for her.
It's awful.
I am glad to see you have gotten support here. I posted a somewhat similar thing a few weeks ago and got slammed by people who don't understand just how miserable a dynamic this can be.
Get your therapist to help you craft some internal language you can use to maintain your strength in the face of your sister's calls. Maybe even script yourself for talking to her so you have a consistent, non-threatening or accusatory but clear message. Maybe something like "Sister, I love you and wish I could help you. I have no money to give you and I'm not equipped to help you with the emotional stuff but I am scared for you. If you feel you want to harm yourself I will call someone who will come check on you or check you in if you're in danger of hurting yourself."
But you must save yourself first. Someone on DCUM I think has used the airline rule "put your own airbag on first". You are no good to anyone else if you're not taking care of yourself. Then figure out what you actually can or want to do and offer that, especially in the context of stating what you cannot do.
I know that it is possible to understand and believe all of this intellectually but still feel completely emotionally caught up. Try to be your own best friend, not your sister's.
Hugs to you.
It's awful.
I am glad to see you have gotten support here. I posted a somewhat similar thing a few weeks ago and got slammed by people who don't understand just how miserable a dynamic this can be.
Get your therapist to help you craft some internal language you can use to maintain your strength in the face of your sister's calls. Maybe even script yourself for talking to her so you have a consistent, non-threatening or accusatory but clear message. Maybe something like "Sister, I love you and wish I could help you. I have no money to give you and I'm not equipped to help you with the emotional stuff but I am scared for you. If you feel you want to harm yourself I will call someone who will come check on you or check you in if you're in danger of hurting yourself."
But you must save yourself first. Someone on DCUM I think has used the airline rule "put your own airbag on first". You are no good to anyone else if you're not taking care of yourself. Then figure out what you actually can or want to do and offer that, especially in the context of stating what you cannot do.
I know that it is possible to understand and believe all of this intellectually but still feel completely emotionally caught up. Try to be your own best friend, not your sister's.
Hugs to you.