Anonymous wrote:You could spend $600 on a Roomba and get the vacuuming done at the same time as the dishes.

It doesn't address the ultimate imbalance, but if it allows you to stop resenting him enough to go back to spending the evenings with him then you will at least have a marriage to work on. If you let this go and get into a pattern of ignoring him because of resentment, then you will end of divorced.

Roomba is expensive piece of crap. Ours broke within 6 months.

OMG, OP. Do you literally vacuum every day after putting kids to bed? You need to relax a bit. Some crumbs on your floor can wait for a day or even (gasp!) two.

I am sure that many working families go through all of this, it sounds like a very common issue to me.

The term "strenuous" is very subjective in nature. Some may view vacuuming as strenuous while others may find it quite relaxing. Same goes for washing the dishes & doing the laundry. So basically it is all relative here.

I say talk to your husband when things are calm at home + you both are in a good place. This hopefully will set the mood for a relaxed conversation w/no accusations.

Let him know that you truly appreciate all that he does for your family. Tell him all the things he does that you sincerely are grateful for. Even remind him what a great cook he is, etc.

Gently tell him that you do not think he is not doing "enough," it's just that you would like him to do more to keep the homefires burning. Give him a run-down of a typical day & request that he does a little more in order to lift some of that burden off of you daily.

Now of course, he isn't going to automatically agree to every one of your terms. This is where YOU will actually have to practice some good old-fashioned "give + take."

But if he is willing to compromise along w/you, then that is a huge step in the right direction.

If he still cannot see your side of things, perhaps a neutral 3rd party can talk to him.

Hopefully you both can work this out. Good luck.

OP, I totally understand where you are coming from. My husband refuses to do anything for the children. At best he will read them one (ONE!) bedtime story before bed. Otherwise everything kid and or house related is dumped on me. He expects me to clear out my schedule and spend lots of romantic time with him after I've cleaned up from dinner and put both kids to bed.
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Strangely enough, I'd do almost anything to avoid this! I think we're probably going to get divorced. Hope you figure out a better way.

Why are you vacuuming every night and is it really a contest? Because you are coming off as very immature. You are a team, talk to the man and figure it out.

There will ALWAYS be work to be done. You choose this over cuddling with your husband?

Because she's a martyr?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, be more of a hard ass about it. He is giving you unilateral things like "I just can't do it this week" so give it right back. "I'm going to work early this week, I'll pick the kids up at 4" and then if he says the he needs you to arrange backup care, tell him that he needs to take care of it himself.

Yeah typing it out, I can see I've really been coddling him. Not sure why, as that's not really my general MO. Thanks for that advice pp. Also, so is it unanimous that I am not off my gourd for wanting him to appreciate what I do? Finally, vacuuming is only the dinner mess. Cleaners come twice a month to do the job right.

Still don't understand why you're vacuuming every night.

He cooks on the weekend for the whole week? That's pretty awesome and counts for a lot!!

Does your husband spend any time with his children at all? This would really bother me. Well, so would his devaluing your child care contributions, asking you to arrange backup care if you could not do 100% of it, and claiming they doing the dishes and cooking on weekends is harder than child care. Unless you have angel children, child care is clearly harder.

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Why do you vacuum every night?

I got hung up on this part too.

DH does dishes while I put the preschooler to bed. Elementary kid gets herself ready with minimal prompts. Then DH and I relax. We don't vacuum in between the cleaners unless there is something really messy. If my preschooler makes a mess under the table I wipe it up with a wet paper towel and toss it in the garbage.

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a douche. Just realize, OP- it's hard to change a man. Do you really want to deal with this for the rest of your life?

To quote my favorite movie, Knocked Up - "You criticize them so much, they get down on themselves, and then they're forced to change!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Why do you vacuum every night?

Have you ever eaten a meal with small children?

Agreed. I'd have vacuum too. But if you're anal about vacuuming like I am (because of small pets), you should consider a roomba. They are pricey, but if that's one less argument then it's well worth the price.

He sounds like a douche. Just realize, OP- it's hard to change a man. Do you really want to deal with this for the rest of your life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Why do you vacuum every night?

Have you ever eaten a meal with small children?

Dogs are perfect for this. They get a little chubby though so you might have to cut back on the kibble.

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Why do you vacuum every night?

Have you ever eaten a meal with small children?