Anonymous wrote:Agree with the sentiment expressed that pre-cana is valuable, whether or not you are Catholic. Our pre-cana class was surprisingly practical, in that it allowed us to discuss finances/career/life goals, etc. in depth, in greater depth than we would have on our own. Money/financial issues apparently present the greatest conflicts/stress in marriages, so it's beneficial to discuss and also try to understand how your future spouse regards money, e.g., saver/spender? There was no discussion of natural family planning (our Church is part of the ADW). Regardless of what you decide, opt for some type of pre-cana type relationship/pre-marriage counseling.

Most people I've talked have similar experiences. (There isn't if any discussion of sex/family planning.)

OP, is your fiancé opposed b/c he does not want to talk to a priest, does not want to talk in front of other couples, or does not want to do any pre-marriage kind of counseling at all regardless of who does it? Just doesn't want to bother? Does he really not to be married within the church?

I think you need to talk with him and figure out what his motivation is.

Anonymous wrote:With regard to the Natural Family Planning, it's actually pretty similar to the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility just with a different slant!

Yes. Female empowerment actually. LOVE taking charge of your fertility. We're all raised pretty ignorant about our bodies.

With regard to the Natural Family Planning, it's actually pretty similar to the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility just with a different slant!

Honestly, I think that pre cana or something similar should be a prerequisite for anyone who is getting married.

Yes, I think that you should get married in the church if you are planning to raise your kids Catholic.

+1, not super Catholic (wife is Protestant, we were not practicing at the time but go to mass semi-regularly now) but we found pre-Cana to be very useful and were very happy to get married in the church. Only a very small part is about NFP and even that part can be useful to many (my wife used NFP to conceive).

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the sentiment expressed that pre-cana is valuable, whether or not you are Catholic. Our pre-cana class was surprisingly practical, in that it allowed us to discuss finances/career/life goals, etc. in depth, in greater depth than we would have on our own. Money/financial issues apparently present the greatest conflicts/stress in marriages, so it's beneficial to discuss and also try to understand how your future spouse regards money, e.g., saver/spender? There was no discussion of natural family planning (our Church is part of the ADW). Regardless of what you decide, opt for some type of pre-cana type relationship/pre-marriage counseling.

+1. I'm Catholic. DH was non-practicing Protestant and we found it to be really interesting. We did our pre-cana through my parish here in the area although we got married in my hometown in another part of the country. We had 2 or 3 sessions with a priest plus one 3 or 4hr session with other couples led by a couple in their 40s. Part of that was the Natural Family Planning thing. Interesting biology, we made other choices but it didn't kill me to listen to it for an hour and grapple with some of the theological reasons behind it.

It's not a huge time commitment, and if you hope to remain at least semi-active in the Church and/or have your kids baptized, you do need a "valid marriage" as defined by the RCC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly wish premarital counseling was a requirement for a county marriage license. It's invaluable.

Separation of church and state, remember.

Premarital counseling doesn't mean religious, remember.

Anonymous wrote:I truly wish premarital counseling was a requirement for a county marriage license. It's invaluable.

Separation of church and state, remember.

We had about 8 sessions with the priest before being married, plus a weekend retreat. It was completely worthless; he seemed horrified that I planned on continuing my career even after children arrived. We both really hated it, but we sucked it up to get through it and get married in the church. DH isn't confirmed but they didn't have a problem with it (I think he just told them he would be interested in being confirmed and they never followed up). We primarily wanted to be able to baptize any future children and have the option of membership, so having been raised Catholic we opted for the church wedding. I don't regret it.

I truly wish premarital counseling was a requirement for a county marriage license. It's invaluable.

Agree with the sentiment expressed that pre-cana is valuable, whether or not you are Catholic. Our pre-cana class was surprisingly practical, in that it allowed us to discuss finances/career/life goals, etc. in depth, in greater depth than we would have on our own. Money/financial issues apparently present the greatest conflicts/stress in marriages, so it's beneficial to discuss and also try to understand how your future spouse regards money, e.g., saver/spender? There was no discussion of natural family planning (our Church is part of the ADW). Regardless of what you decide, opt for some type of pre-cana type relationship/pre-marriage counseling.

Anonymous wrote:Biggest mistake I made was getting married outside of the Catholic Church. If you have any interest in attending the church after your wedding, receiving communion or baptizing your future children, do the Catholic wedding. I didn't really understand that when I got married.

Oh and to follow up, we were married in a protestant church, but we still did pre-cana like things. We LOVED our premarital counseling. We thought it was incredibly interesting and liked talking to the older couples. You do not have to go through RCIA to get married even though you weren't confirmed.

And secondly, NFP doesn't suck. We really enjoy it. We use NFP and pull out and it has worked for us for years. My body didn't like birth control and DH didn't like condoms, so it's the best choice for us. NFP is very similar to what you read in Taking Charge of your Fertility, which I see as female empowerment and knowing how your body works.

Biggest mistake I made was getting married outside of the Catholic Church. If you have any interest in attending the church after your wedding, receiving communion or baptizing your future children, do the Catholic wedding. I didn't really understand that when I got married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don't want to go through the RCIA process because to do that, and do it in time for our preferred wedding time frame wouldn't really line up. Can we still be married in the catholic church without me being confirmed?

21:48: Do you have a rec. for a more liberal parish? Currently, we attend mass at a catholic parish in Rockville.

We have already discussed the aforementioned issues and we know how we would want to raise our children. We have ongoing discussions about money. We are not sexually active.

More the reason to get the priest's good advice on sex once you are married.

OP: Think we're doing alright there! We opted not to be sexually active at this time because we are not ready for children yet. Translation: We have no interest in hearing about Natural Family Planning, As I mentioned I already went to a catholic school and learned all about the practice. I have been to seminars about NFP and we are not interested.

Not sure what a priest can tell us about sex that we wouldn't already know or will figure out for ourselves in marriage.

That's the point, the priests want to to tell you about the Catholic ways of marital sex. What you "Already know" or figure out on your won might be all wrong, according to them.

I was a non-practicing Catholic and I married a Protestant man in the Catholic Church. He did not have to do RCIA or convert. We did have to do pre-cana but there was no cost. I'm pretty sure pre-cana is a requirement, but different churches have different formats. Some are retreats, some are weekly group classes with a priest or with a couple who are practicing Catholics, some are a series of conversations with a priest. You can do pre-cana anywhere and it will transfer to the church you want to get married in. Your BF needs to suck this up, OP. Pre cana isn't fun for anyone, but if getting married in the church is important to both of you, he's got to do it. Just consider it practice for the many crazy hoops the Catholic Church will want you to jump through for the rest of your lives, hahaha.