Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the specific sport matters. My question is about the behavior of my inlaws surrounding this activity.

But it is annoying as hell to read. Maybe THAT is why your in-laws exclude you. You are a little annoying.

A little? I don't even KNOW this woman, and I wouldn't want to spend 20 minutes with her on a hobby, no matter how "snobby" it is (I rolled my eyes the third time she used "snobby"). OP, you're going to write your IL's a letter? WTH is wrong with you? And where is your sackless husband?

Well by all means why dont you pick a different thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so it sounds like your feelings are hurt and now you want to cut off your kids from your in-laws. So that is a very different kind of question. In general I find that lashing out at in-laws is a terrible, terrible idea that causes infinitely more problems than it resolves. By all means, don't say yes to every outing, but cutting them off completely sounds like a petty and spiteful move on your part.

OP here.


No hurt feelings: this is not a central thing for me. Do I have nice memories from a decade of my childhood involving sweet relatives? Yes.

I am not spiteful or petty. In fact my post centers more on the fact I find their behavior to be, and I have taken several years to even consider responding.

Unfortunately, after several years the behavior is entrenched, so responding now with a letter or whatever you were thinking of doing seems really, really odd and is likely to cause drama and discomfort for everyone.

Stick with your plan of doing the beloved hobby with your children and making your own memories. Let the in-laws build their memories with your kids, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so it sounds like your feelings are hurt and now you want to cut off your kids from your in-laws. So that is a very different kind of question. In general I find that lashing out at in-laws is a terrible, terrible idea that causes infinitely more problems than it resolves. By all means, don't say yes to every outing, but cutting them off completely sounds like a petty and spiteful move on your part.

+1. Does your husband participate? I am still not understanding how you have been excluded all these years. I think people could give you better advice if we knew what this activity is.

No, he hates it. Not enough people do this sport for them to give adequate advice. If only it were as simple as horseback riding or sailing. The croquet poster was closer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the specific sport matters. My question is about the behavior of my inlaws surrounding this activity.

But it is annoying as hell to read. Maybe THAT is why your in-laws exclude you. You are a little annoying.

A little? I don't even KNOW this woman, and I wouldn't want to spend 20 minutes with her on a hobby, no matter how "snobby" it is (I rolled my eyes the third time she used "snobby"). OP, you're going to write your IL's a letter? WTH is wrong with you? And where is your sackless husband?

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so it sounds like your feelings are hurt and now you want to cut off your kids from your in-laws. So that is a very different kind of question. In general I find that lashing out at in-laws is a terrible, terrible idea that causes infinitely more problems than it resolves. By all means, don't say yes to every outing, but cutting them off completely sounds like a petty and spiteful move on your part.

OP here.


No hurt feelings: this is not a central thing for me. Do I have nice memories from a decade of my childhood involving sweet relatives? Yes.

I am not spiteful or petty. In fact my post centers more on the fact I find their behavior to be, and I have taken several years to even consider responding.

I come from a family with these weird dynamics, although not related to sports. Previously I didn't understand why we were left out, but now I suspect that due to financial differences in lifestyle, other family members imagine *we* wouldn't feel comfortable, or that we're not interested. So the easiest way to deal with it is by not inviting us and pretending it's not rude. They're not bad people, just don't know how to gracefully bridge a perceived difference in affluence, outlook and lifestyle.

The only way to move this block is to address it head-on.
"I'm curious, Bertha, why you never invited me all this years, yet now you want to invite the children? You know I grew up around polo, don't you?".

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so it sounds like your feelings are hurt and now you want to cut off your kids from your in-laws. So that is a very different kind of question. In general I find that lashing out at in-laws is a terrible, terrible idea that causes infinitely more problems than it resolves. By all means, don't say yes to every outing, but cutting them off completely sounds like a petty and spiteful move on your part.

+1. Does your husband participate? I am still not understanding how you have been excluded all these years. I think people could give you better advice if we knew what this activity is.

Okay, so it sounds like your feelings are hurt and now you want to cut off your kids from your in-laws. So that is a very different kind of question. In general I find that lashing out at in-laws is a terrible, terrible idea that causes infinitely more problems than it resolves. By all means, don't say yes to every outing, but cutting them off completely sounds like a petty and spiteful move on your part.

You didn't mention DH, where is he in all of this?

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the specific sport matters. My question is about the behavior of my inlaws surrounding this activity.

But it is annoying as hell to read. Maybe THAT is why your in-laws exclude you. You are a little annoying.

Anonymous wrote:They want to do the activity with the grandkids, not with you. If it wasn't this X activity, but something like, going for hikes or baking cookies would it still bother you that you weren't inlcuded?

Op here. You tell me. Over the course of a decade (decade plus, its actually been 14 years), would it bother you if your in laws were fanatics about cooking baking but wanted you out of the kitchen while they did. yes,. of course it would bother you. It's just wierd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the specific sport matters. My question is about the behavior of my inlaws surrounding this activity.

Okay, but nobody can really offer advice about how you can protect your kids from becoming "those" kinds of people without knowing a little but more about it. How could they mock you, for example, if you never actually participated with them?

Regardless, you are the primary influence on your children, and should feel confident that they will be able to see the shallowness of others around them. I do think it might be good for you to advocate for yourself a little bit if you'd like to join in the sport. "It's great that you're taking Larla and Larlo to the polo field again! Mind if I come along? I'd love to whack the old ball around again."

I have no fear of my children becoming "those" kind of people.

I don't care a whit about my in-laws pretensions.

They simply won't have much access.

sailing
horses
Golf (country club?)

It's something along those lines? You need a boat to sail or a horse to ride or access to a country club to golf.

And all are group type activities - the foursome, or get in the boat, or we're off on this horse.

I say you teach them to participate as you would now. Perhaps allow your children to go with grandparents when it is convenient, not always. And trust your values will win out.

Let's say it's bowling. Or maybe NASCAR. They want to do it with your children, not with you. If you are okay with their taking their grandchildren on outings without you, let them go. If not, don't. Either way, there's nothing preventing you from also going bowling with your kids--seasonally, that is.

They want to do the activity with the grandkids, not with you. If it wasn't this X activity, but something like, going for hikes or baking cookies would it still bother you that you weren't inlcuded?