Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

Was with you until the bolded.

Sexual misconduct whether gay or not is a violation

Being on a dating website is not a violation. Having sex is not a violation, even if it's with multiple people, outside a relationship. A person's private life is private.

it's not a dating site, feel free to google it or open it at work

Oh please it's no different then tinder or any straight hook up sight. I had it on my phone for close to 2 years and hooked up 1 time in that whole time frame

The difference is that if you are a good looking man on a gay hook up site, you can hook up within the hour if you so choose.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

Was with you until the bolded.

Sexual misconduct whether gay or not is a violation

Being on a dating website is not a violation. Having sex is not a violation, even if it's with multiple people, outside a relationship. A person's private life is private.

it's not a dating site, feel free to google it or open it at work

Oh please it's no different then tinder or any straight hook up sight. I had it on my phone for close to 2 years and hooked up 1 time in that whole time frame

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't confront him directly about the app. You're not married, and it's not clear if he was actually "hooking-up" or just window-shopping, or even just curious. I'm also not sure what the circumstances were that you were going through his cell, but that could be an issue as well.

If he's gay, and in the closet, the direct confrontation route will probably just result in him making up some desperate lie. A positive outcome is unlikely when someone is caught off-guard like that.

Instead, I would try to find indirect ways of figuring out what his sexuality, without seeming threatening or "judgy." As I get older, I am realizing that sexuality is not nearly as black or white as we led to believe, so try to resist the calls to just throw him into the "duh! he's gay!" bucket.

Obviously, if you're exclusive, and you have reason to believe that he's shtupping other people (male or female) then you've got a problem.

yes, we have been exclusive- at least I thought we were....I want him to be happy, but being in a bi relationship is not what I want....I just have to find the right way to bring it up... I can't think of any reason why he would be conversing with someone from that site if he isn't gay or bi....

OP, there is no "right" way to bring it up. It is just an awful conversation and you need to get out. Do not believe a word he says . There is no reasonable explanation. Your gut was already telling you that you had a problem and now you know for sure.

Anonymous wrote:OP, has he been married before or had long term relationships? Have you met his family?

He's never been married...he has had other relationships with women...I've met his ENTIRE family...they are wonderful. They are strict Italian....

Try the straightspouses network - you might get better advice

http://www.voy.com/86426/


http://www.straightspouse.org

Try the straightspouses network - you might get better advice

http://www.voy.com/86426/


http://www.straightspouse.org

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't confront him directly about the app. You're not married, and it's not clear if he was actually "hooking-up" or just window-shopping, or even just curious. I'm also not sure what the circumstances were that you were going through his cell, but that could be an issue as well.

If he's gay, and in the closet, the direct confrontation route will probably just result in him making up some desperate lie. A positive outcome is unlikely when someone is caught off-guard like that.

Instead, I would try to find indirect ways of figuring out what his sexuality, without seeming threatening or "judgy." As I get older, I am realizing that sexuality is not nearly as black or white as we led to believe, so try to resist the calls to just throw him into the "duh! he's gay!" bucket.

Obviously, if you're exclusive, and you have reason to believe that he's shtupping other people (male or female) then you've got a problem.

yes, we have been exclusive- at least I thought we were....I want him to be happy, but being in a bi relationship is not what I want....I just have to find the right way to bring it up... I can't think of any reason why he would be conversing with someone from that site if he isn't gay or bi....

He will lie if you ask him about it, and you will want to believe him. My advice would be to get out. You already had concerns he was cheating, the details don't really matter. The relationship is not working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

Was with you until the bolded.

Sexual misconduct whether gay or not is a violation

Being on a dating website is not a violation. Having sex is not a violation, even if it's with multiple people, outside a relationship. A person's private life is private.

We should not let the discussion get sidetracked because one stupid person is concerned about this guy being in the school system. The bottom line is that OP is involved with a cheater unless the relationship was specifically not exclusive.

The OP may be involved with a cheater. The OP is definitely involved with someone who is concealing an important part of his life from her. Depending on how you learned about this, OP, I would talk to him. "Boyfriend, I saw Adam4Adam on your iPad when I was looking up that thing the other day/whatever. Can we talk about that?"

There is no other reason to have the app on his phone and texts from someone from the site unless he is planning to hook up with a guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

Was with you until the bolded.

Sexual misconduct whether gay or not is a violation

Being on a dating website is not a violation. Having sex is not a violation, even if it's with multiple people, outside a relationship. A person's private life is private.

it's not a dating site, feel free to google it or open it at work

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

Was with you until the bolded.

Sexual misconduct whether gay or not is a violation

Being on a dating website is not a violation. Having sex is not a violation, even if it's with multiple people, outside a relationship. A person's private life is private.

We should not let the discussion get sidetracked because one stupid person is concerned about this guy being in the school system. The bottom line is that OP is involved with a cheater unless the relationship was specifically not exclusive.

The OP may be involved with a cheater. The OP is definitely involved with someone who is concealing an important part of his life from her. Depending on how you learned about this, OP, I would talk to him. "Boyfriend, I saw Adam4Adam on your iPad when I was looking up that thing the other day/whatever. Can we talk about that?"

OP, has he been married before or had long term relationships? Have you met his family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

Was with you until the bolded.

Sexual misconduct whether gay or not is a violation

Being on a dating website is not a violation. Having sex is not a violation, even if it's with multiple people, outside a relationship. A person's private life is private.

We should not let the discussion get sidetracked because one stupid person is concerned about this guy being in the school system. The bottom line is that OP is involved with a cheater unless the relationship was specifically not exclusive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

Was with you until the bolded.

Sexual misconduct whether gay or not is a violation

Being on a dating website is not a violation. Having sex is not a violation, even if it's with multiple people, outside a relationship. A person's private life is private.

The comment about a potentially bi or gay man in the school system? and Seriously.

At the end of the day, this is a situation about a woman who is in a serious long-term relationship with someone and she has discovered that, at the very least, he "may" be seeking contact with others. It could just be curiosity, but if you ask me, downloading an app on your phone and then not deleting it after you've checked it out, is an indication of some level of continued interest. Whether gay, bi or straight, I'd be really hurt if my significant other was shopping around for someone else--even if he hadn't gone through with anything yet. For me, it would be a deal-breaker. And sadly, since most of the human race will lie when faced with such things, I'm guessing he's not going to tell you the truth if confronted. You may never know whether he had yet to initiate with someone else. Compound that with the very strong indication that he's interested in something sexually that you just can't provide him with and... yeah. I'm guessing he won't be honest with you. And he'll just get better at hiding it so that you don't catch him again.

I'm sorry. I really think you should walk away from this. I do think you should have a conversation with him about it. Your relationship deserves it. But I'd be very wary of falling for any of the lying he's bound to engage in. Of course, I say all that from my own perspective--I'm into only monogamous relationships. If you are open to something more complex, then don't walk away but even then, you need to get to a point where you can trust that he will be honest with you. Something that he isn't doing, right now.

Sorry. This sucks.