Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You haven't spoken up.

Your father hasn't spoken up.

Your grandma said they can have stuff.

They are doing the physical labor of sorting and cleaning, which actually isn't easy.

Grow a backbone and speak now, or forever hold your peace.

I agree. Obviously, they shouldn't be taking anything, as it all still belongs to your grandmother. But the house must be cleared out, and the stuff has to go somewhere. You're not helping deal with it, and you're also not making a case with the relatives--or your grandmother--about what is important to you. What do you want them to do with a houseful of stuff?

In our case, I flew out the 800-2500 miles to help sort/pack/clean. Our relative in assisted living had said the things in the house were fair game and didn't really have a plan for them. I was very scrupulous about trying to make sure everyone in the family had a chance to talk about things they valued before anything got removed. And even now, I'm holding onto important family things with the thought that they might go to other relatives later. But in the meantime, they had to be stored somewhere.

I also agree. As you mentioned your uncle is trying to sell the house quickly, so it needs to be cleaned out quickly. You aren't helping and you aren't speaking up that you want something saved for you. You do need to send a note to the cousins, not chastising them like you think, but to apologize for not helping out with cleaning up her house for sale and sorting her belongings. Then you say that you would like to have one or more keepsakes from your grandmother and make a list and ask for at least a couple of items on the list. Otherwise, you go out and help. You grandmother has shown in the past that she loves all of her grandchildren and will happily give anything of value in her possession to any of them. You said yourself:

OP wrote:Grandma has a history of giving away anything someone asks her for which is how my youngest cousin got her wedding ring and antique sewing machine.

which means that your grandmother had a good heart and loved giving her things to her children and grandchildren if they asked for it. Your cousins also know this and just went to take the keepsakes from their grandmother and knew that she would willingly give it to them. If you want something, you either have to go there to get it and help clean, speak up for yourself and let them know that you would like something (they can't read your mind and know what you want) or have your father speak up on your behalf.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You haven't spoken up.

Your father hasn't spoken up.

Your grandma said they can have stuff.

They are doing the physical labor of sorting and cleaning, which actually isn't easy.

Grow a backbone and speak now, or forever hold your peace.

I agree. Obviously, they shouldn't be taking anything, as it all still belongs to your grandmother. But the house must be cleared out, and the stuff has to go somewhere. You're not helping deal with it, and you're also not making a case with the relatives--or your grandmother--about what is important to you. What do you want them to do with a houseful of stuff?

In our case, I flew out the 800-2500 miles to help sort/pack/clean. Our relative in assisted living had said the things in the house were fair game and didn't really have a plan for them. I was very scrupulous about trying to make sure everyone in the family had a chance to talk about things they valued before anything got removed. And even now, I'm holding onto important family things with the thought that they might go to other relatives later. But in the meantime, they had to be stored somewhere.

OP wrote:Grandma has a history of giving away anything someone asks her for which is how my youngest cousin got her wedding ring and antique sewing machine.

Anonymous wrote:Your Grandma unless she has dementia is partly responsible for this fiasco. Your father is almost equally responsibility. All they had to do was lock the house. Neither did what they needed to do to secure the property or the items inside.

Anonymous wrote:When DH's grandmother was in the hospital dying, DH's aunt showed up at the grandmother's house with a UHaul truck and helped herself to any items she wanted.

Anonymous wrote:You haven't spoken up.

Your father hasn't spoken up.

Your grandma said they can have stuff.

They are doing the physical labor of sorting and cleaning, which actually isn't easy.

Grow a backbone and speak now, or forever hold your peace.

Anonymous wrote:I declined being the executor of my mother's estate due this very expected dynamic in my own family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is about to happen to my husband's grandmother. The vultures are circling the house as we speak. I don't want my husband involved. At all.

It's very upsetting to see people you've know almost your whole life be so greedy. Over things. How shameful.

My mother died several months ago. Fortunately she chose her lawyer, not a family member, to be executor. Per the will everything was to be split between 4 children. The executor let us know from the get-go that if problems arose in equitably splitting items of value he would take over, have everything appraised and then those items would need to be "purchased" from the estate.

Executors can have a lot of control over how it all goes down in the end. We haven't had major problems in splitting things up so far, bet I'm glad the executor has a backbone and is willing to lay down the law if need be. Highly recommend using a competent, unrelated lawyer as executor!