Men (grandfathers) are different that women (grandmothers).

Many men really don't care about holding and snuggling and smelling a baby. THey. just. don't. care.

I'm sorry.

Nothing you say or do will get him really excited about your baby.

Anonymous wrote:He works a civil servant job with a very generous work/life balance philosophy-- one that he has never taken advantage of, even in emergencies.

You can't change him, OP. He might eventually change on his own, but there's nothing you can do to make that happen.

He doesn't want to. You need to accept that. New babies aren't exciting to everyone.
Why don't you take the baby to see him if a month or two?

It sounds like this has always been his way. I know this is a life changing event for you, OP but that doesn't automatically elevate to that same level for everyone else. If his response has always been hands-off, why are you expecting different now? You are speaking from your own emotions, not his. While you clearly don't agree (and I don't either) it is his own choice and it seems his decision is made. Maybe someday he'll regret all he's missed in life, maybe not. Just move ahead with your life and life it the way you want.

I don't get it, why can't he come on a weekend? I don't find it odd he isn't taking time off, but I do find it odd he wouldn't want to come in the first few weeks.

OP, has this baby been born yet? Sorry if I missed some details, I scanned through later posts. Is it a debate about what he is going to do when the baby is born? I think coming within 2 - 3 weekends is very reasonable on both sides.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the minority....I'd be incredibly hurt if my father didn't come to see me or my baby. It's a huge event in life. He needs to be there for his daughter. Even if he just shows up for pictures and watches football. It clearly would mean a lot to have her dad there. My dad would walk through fire for me. This guy can drive 5 hours and hold the newborn while she showers.

OP - I would call him and explain that if he doesn't show, your feelings would be hurt. That you are asking him, as your dad, as your family, to come see you when you become a mother.

Yeah, nag him. That'll work.

Not nag him. Ask him to make an exception from his usual behavior this one time. This hugely important, momentous time.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the minority....I'd be incredibly hurt if my father didn't come to see me or my baby. It's a huge event in life. He needs to be there for his daughter. Even if he just shows up for pictures and watches football. It clearly would mean a lot to have her dad there. My dad would walk through fire for me. This guy can drive 5 hours and hold the newborn while she showers.

OP - I would call him and explain that if he doesn't show, your feelings would be hurt. That you are asking him, as your dad, as your family, to come see you when you become a mother.

Yeah, nag him. That'll work.

As a grandparent, I think it is awesome that you care. It sounds like when your Dad retires he will go from 100 MPH down to 10 overnight.
There are so many grandparents today that feel alienated from grandchildren, I guess that door can swing both ways. It's hard not to take it personally.....because it is! I would continue to reach out to him because retirement may not be kind to him....and he just may need you then. Hugs.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the minority....I'd be incredibly hurt if my father didn't come to see me or my baby. It's a huge event in life. He needs to be there for his daughter. Even if he just shows up for pictures and watches football. It clearly would mean a lot to have her dad there. My dad would walk through fire for me. This guy can drive 5 hours and hold the newborn while she showers.

OP - I would call him and explain that if he doesn't show, your feelings would be hurt. That you are asking him, as your dad, as your family, to come see you when you become a mother.

No one is saying that the OP shouldn't be hurt. Her feelings are her feelings. The bottom line is that she can't MAKE her dad do anything. She's asked him and he declined. What is the point of guilt-tripping? All that will do is cause further bad feelings on both sides.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the minority....I'd be incredibly hurt if my father didn't come to see me or my baby. It's a huge event in life. He needs to be there for his daughter. Even if he just shows up for pictures and watches football. It clearly would mean a lot to have her dad there. My dad would walk through fire for me. This guy can drive 5 hours and hold the newborn while she showers.

OP - I would call him and explain that if he doesn't show, your feelings would be hurt. That you are asking him, as your dad, as your family, to come see you when you become a mother.

Why should he change now? He's never taken time off, even in an emergency. He's not going to change.

OP, I'm sorry you're hurt. Maybe it's time, though, to accept your Dad as he is. I don't say that to be harsh. Don't set yourself up for disappointment. You know he won't make the trip. Expect less.

And.. congratulations.

I'm in the minority....I'd be incredibly hurt if my father didn't come to see me or my baby. It's a huge event in life. He needs to be there for his daughter. Even if he just shows up for pictures and watches football. It clearly would mean a lot to have her dad there. My dad would walk through fire for me. This guy can drive 5 hours and hold the newborn while she showers.

OP - I would call him and explain that if he doesn't show, your feelings would be hurt. That you are asking him, as your dad, as your family, to come see you when you become a mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father (DD's grandfather) refuses to take off work to meet his new grandchild. He lives about 5 hrs away so would need to take some days to drive. It's his ONLY grandchild.

Dad is doing more than fine financially. Keeps bragging that "he will be rich in retirement"" since he saved every penny. Has over 6 months of vacation saved because he never takes off --ever. And is retiring in a few months. He works a civil servant job with a very generous work/life balance philosophy-- one that he has never taken advantage of, even in emergencies.

How do I convince him that meeting your only grandchild warrants 3 days off work. I'm not asking for weeks, just a few days to be part of the kids life.

Too much to ask?

Any time you start a sentence with "How do I convince him...." you need to stop yourself. You aren't going to convince him of anything and you will just make yourself upset in the process.

OP, this isn't about you. This is who he is. You know this.

+1. This man does not want to see you and your baby for 3 days, and that is OKAY. He is a grown man and makes his own decisions. Sure, it might hurt, OP, but it doesn't seem in his nature to take a day, or 3, off. Right? You posted as much. So- love him, appreciate him from a distance, and always invite him to your house, for everything. He'll probably accept one day.

The hard piece to grasp is that his inability to take time off is all about him, no reflection on how he feels about you and your child.

My mother adores my kids, was there in the hospital the day they were born. She used to see them weekly and take care of them. That has stopped because I have concerns about her driving. Because of the change I have started making efforts for her to see them other ways. It is like pulling teeth to get her to meet me out with the kids in any manner that is outside her routine and she is retired so there are minimal constraints on her time.


Seriously, my mom is in no way perfect but she would do anything for me or my kids if we needed something. She is the definition of someone that shows up when you need them. Yet, despite feeling secure in our relationship and with her feelings about my kids she sometimes turns down offers I make that are solely for the purpose of her getting to spend time with my kids. But baffles me but I have to remember that she is her own person with her own priorities that I need to respect even if I do. It agree with them.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:My father (DD's grandfather) refuses to take off work to meet his new grandchild. He lives about 5 hrs away so would need to take some days to drive. It's his ONLY grandchild.

Dad is doing more than fine financially. Keeps bragging that "he will be rich in retirement"" since he saved every penny. Has over 6 months of vacation saved because he never takes off --ever. And is retiring in a few months. He works a civil servant job with a very generous work/life balance philosophy-- one that he has never taken advantage of, even in emergencies.

How do I convince him that meeting your only grandchild warrants 3 days off work. I'm not asking for weeks, just a few days to be part of the kids life.

Too much to ask?

Any time you start a sentence with "How do I convince him...." you need to stop yourself. You aren't going to convince him of anything and you will just make yourself upset in the process.

OP, this isn't about you. This is who he is. You know this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's retiring in a few months. It can wait. It's not like your baby won't ... still be a baby in a few months. And hell, in 3-4 months the baby will be able to hold her head up, be more interactive, etc. Newborns are boring.

A thousand times this.

OP, I know you're hurt, but I suspect this is really not about you. Let it go. Appreciate your baby's grandpa on his own terms. It's fine.

This, plus lots of men of his generation aren't even interested in infants. Or kids for that matter.